When I was last on the dating scene

[PoetPhilosopher]

I have noticed back when I was on the dating scene or more into it, what seems to be increased tension between men and women.

Women still typically want the man to pursue on dating sites. They get quite a few messages more than men. Until they get comfortable, they want control over when the conversation begins and end though. But once they are comfortable, they typically want the men to take a more dominant role than just messaging first. I think.

Meanwhile, the men are either not aware of the #MeToo movement or literally anything that women are looking for, and act like immature jerks, or they are well aware of the #MeToo movement to the extent that they'll be super careful the first three months, and will never take that more dominant role in that time, and also are starting to prefer that women make the first moves and message first. And women may start to interpret this as the "good men" playing hard to get or not being interested in them.

As usual, and for whatever reason, both sides end up seeming to stay on the dating site forever without a relationship. Staying single more than in a commited relationship, showing dating sites rarely work.

But, that's just my perception. I know I've been wrong in the past, but I think I'm getting to perceive things more accurately.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

I haven't been on the dating scene for 20 years.

However, when my sister-in-law started dating after her husband died, she said that she didn't want men who made a big deal of a date. What she found was that men that didn't make a big deal of a date were mostly looking for one thing, and so there was usually no second date.

Her new man, husband now, did make a big deal about a date, and worried a lot over how he came across, didn't want to move too soon, etc.

That's how I've always felt about dating. I never liked dating lots of women...if I asked someone out, it was because I was interested in a relationship, not just sex...so hard to not take it seriously. That's obviously pre-internet...

After my divorce, I dated some...some women I knew, a few set up by others, others through personal ads...I was so bad at it that friends had to hit me upside the head with a 2x4 that someone was interested in me...I was "waiting to let love find me"...to the point that I was ignoring obvious signals...we've been together for...drum roll...20 years now...

 

[Stevicus]

I think online dating has ruined things to a large extent. In the old days, you'd see someone, maybe get to know them a little bit. But oftentimes, there'd be quite a few mysteries to unravel during the process of dating. But now, everyone puts everything out there - all their likes and dislikes and sometimes very intimate details of their life. So, they put it all out there and say "take it or leave it."

There are some men who like to put out a wide net and message everybody, and the internet makes this possible. Some are exhibitionists who like to send their unsolicited pics to unwitting recipients.

As Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap would put it, "It's a complete catastrophe!"

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

There are some men who like to put out a wide net and message everybody

They sometimes feel they have to too. If you're average in looks as a man or a bad picture taker, and don't understand how the sites work like the algorithms.... expect a <4% response rate from women.

Of course, doubling that all comes down to understanding camera angles, etc.

 

[JustGeorge]

Dating is confusing. I didn't waste time with it.

My husband was the friend of a long distance friend. He wouldn't quit calling me. He convinced me to drive across the country to meet him after a month of these phone calls. We met, and got engaged that same evening. I put him in my car, came home, and we got married a month later.

Been married 9 years as of last month.

 

[stvdv]

If you're average in looks as a man or a bad picture taker, and don't understand how the sites work like the algorithms.... expect a <4% response rate from women.

I agree. Women know how to improve "response rate"

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I agree. Women know how to improve "response rate"

View attachment 43350

Thanks for the early morning chuckle.

 

[stvdv]

We met, and got engaged that same evening. I put him in my car, came home, and we got married a month later.

I love that

Been married 9 years as of last month.

And that too, esp. 9 years still smiling

Dating is confusing

True, I agree. And you were not confused at all, probably because you don't date

I didn't waste time with it.

Smart move, it seems. Shows you have self confidence and you are empathetic

 

[stvdv]

Thanks for the early morning chuckle.

Thanks, good to hear.
Happy people make a Happy world
Best wish I can think of now
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