I can recognize that this would have been tough for me. I may very well have developed a much more pessimistic view of life, or turned to something else to try and soothe any emotional turmoil I would have faced alone. What that might have been, who knows? Interesting to think how much those experiences during earlier times shape your adult self.
I did try to run away from my feelings for about 12 years but then I went into recovery at the behest of my older sister who was kind of a parent to me growing up and someone I hung around with. First it was psychiatrists, later it was psychologists, counselors and 12 step programs and homeopathic doctors. I am not one to give up once I set my mind to something so I ran the gamut of professionals. My recovery lasted a good 15 years or more and I was not involved in religion or God during those years.
I wish there were more in this camp!
I wouldn’t say I do not allow people to take advantage of me because I do, to a certain extent, like the tenant who now over me upwards of 13,000 and my husband who does not really do his fair share of the work, but I will take care of that tenant in due time and I will tolerate my husband because I don’t like to fight, especially about something that cannot be resolved.
I can definitely relate to this. I remember one particular moment keenly. I was with a group of people from work out at a line-dancing bar. Many of them were itching to get drinks and get out on the dance floor... and I couldn't think of anything less appealing - and it must have shown on my face, because one particularly nice woman I worked with got a look on her own face in reaction to me that seemed to ask, in all sincerity "Is there something wrong with this?" I hadn't said a word! But I basically had no choice but to feel terrible - but it was only that I would much rather have an engaging conversation in a place where I can actually hear myself think, and I truly had nothing against the fact that they enjoyed themselves dancing, listening to whatever type of music, etc.
I have not been to a bar or a dance since I was a teenager and even then I rarely went to a bar because I did not like to drink alcohol and only tried it a couple of times. I did take a lot of street drugs as a hippie though and I was at the Woodstock festival of 1969. About a year and a half after that I headed off for college and got serious about my studies and I never took drugs again, until they were prescribed by the psychiatrist about 12 years later.
As a teenager, I was never comfortable at parties but since I was on drugs I was not fazed by the people. I was okay at Baha’i meetings back when I attended them but I was more comfortable at 12 step meetings because religion has never been my thing. I was always much more interested in psychology.
I try to be honest and direct - not sure I always make the mark, but thank you for the kind words. You too are very honest about your ideas and feelings and also direct. I tend to prize those things in conversation as well.
Thanks, it is always nice to find people to talk to that I can relate to on forums and they are not normally religious people I gravitate towards. I used to post in other forums and started my own forum over six years ago which was pretty active for a while, but I got too busy on other forums after that so I could not maintain my forum. However, I made lots of friends on my forum and the other forums. All my friends were atheists, and although two of my friends became believers over the course of time, they were never religious. They had been Christians growing up and dropped out so they were biased against religion. They were also very direct so it was no holds barred when it came to what they thought of religion and “Messengers of God.” I only have one close friend who is a Baha’i who I met on those forums over eight years ago and now he posts here on RF occasionally. Mind you, I have never met any of these people in person, we communicated on forums and via e-mail. They all live somewhere in the Midwest.
