Trenchant, In Depth Interview With Elvendon

[Sunstone]

Good morning, Elvendon, and thank you for consenting to do this trenchant, in depth interview!

Folks, today we're going to interview Elvendon in order to find out not just his shoe size, but precisely who the real Elvendon is: His likes and dislikes, his preferences in ladies underwear, and even an answer to the question you've all wondered about him: Why does he use the English language when with just a phone call to the continent, he could be talking French with a real Frenchman?

OK. Let's get to the questions:

Yours is an especially beautiful username, Elvendon. How did you come up with it and what does it mean?

I notice your religion is Celtic Anglican. Could you elaborate on that for those of us who are not familiar with what a Celtic Anglican is?

You've listed your occupation as student. What are you studying these days?

How did you find our community here at RF?

What two things do you like best about RF?

Historically speaking, what was the first decade in which the average Englishman was finally able to afford underwear as a routine part of his wardrobe? No guessing, please.

In your opinion, does moonlight glow or sparkle? Which is it?

Are you familiar with the works of H.J. Jones-Creppinsnatcher, and, if so, why are you the only one familiar with his works?

What are the titles of the last three books you read for recreation beyond the first paragraph?

Are you or do you hope to become a nudist?

What are three of your favorite groups and why don't they get more air time in Mongolia?

What is currently your favorite thread on RF and why is it your current favorite?

Who came up with your offline name? Your father, your mother or someone else?

 

[Elvendon]

Hello everyone, glad to be here! As for french speaking

*a-la Jaques-Cousteau* Come wiz me, as we drege ze murky depths of Elvendon's characteur -

Yours is an especially beautiful username, Elvendon. How did you come up with it and what does it mean?

It is simply the name of my favourite place on earth - the Elvendon Valley near Goring in Oxfordshire, the UK. It is a beautiful, forested cleft in the Chiltern Hills, stretching down from the wooded plateu (where I live) down to the Thames Valley. Nestled at it's heart is Elvendon Priory, which though now a stately home, was originally a Christian Community founded by Saint Birinus.

I notice your religion is Celtic Anglican. Could you elaborate on that for those of us who are not familiar with what a Celtic Anglican is?

A Celtic Anglican is someone who, though a member of the Anglican communion, draws their inspiration from the old Culdee Church of the British Isles before it was brought into line with the Roman Catholic Church. According to legend, it was founded at the behest of Christ himself by Joseph of Aramathea. Celtic Christianity is a pan-denominational movement, seeking a greater appreciation of the natural world, a tolerance of other religions and minorities and an emphasis upon the panentheistic side of God's nature. I am a fully confirmed member of the Church of England, and though I am drawn to many aspects of other denominations, I seek communion of my church with theirs rather than another church of which I may be a part.

You've listed your occupation as student. What are you studying these days?

I have recently completed my A2 examinations in Religious Studies, Chemistry and Biology. I hope to get the 3 A grades I need to qualify to study at Pembroke College Cambridge this autumn.

How did you find our community here at RF?

Really great! The spirit is helpful and supportive, and there really seems to be a tangible, mutual interest in each other's faiths, despite occaisional differences! After coming from an aggressively atheist site from which I have been banned twice (www.evilbible.com) it is a refreshing and welcome change.

What two things do you like best about RF?

The diversity and kindess of the people here It gives me great hope for inter-faith relations in the future.

Historically speaking, what was the first decade in which the average Englishman was finally able to afford underwear as a routine part of his wardrobe? No guessing, please.

I would say the 1900s, as that is when mass-production, a hallmark of affordability, began to include undergarments

In your opinion, does moonlight glow or sparkle? Which is it?

It definately glows!

Are you familiar with the works of H.J. Jones-Creppinsnatcher, and, if so, why are you the only one familiar with his works?

I can't say I am. I'm sure the person who is familiar with his works could comment amply

What are the titles of the last three books you read for recreation beyond the first paragraph?

The Twilight of Atheism, Science and Religion and something about shamanism, I forget what it was called precisely. I am going through a phase of reading only non-fiction I'm afraid

Are you or do you hope to become a nudist?

As I doubt they will have clothes in heaven, yes I do. Otherwise, what about the Christian nudists?

What are three of your favorite groups and why don't they get more air time in Mongolia?

Embrace, Ryan Adams and Enya. The former because they are only just coming back to fame, the latter two because Mongolian doesn't have a letter for "y".

What is currently your favorite thread on RF and why is it your current favorite?

The one about the schism in the Anglican church because it's something I feel we REALLY need to talk about. Not sure if "favourite" is the right word though

Who came up with your offline name? Your father, your mother or someone else?

Both my mother and my father I believe. My mum wanted to call me "Pip", but I think my dad warded her off it, God bless him

Elvendon

 

[Sunstone]

Good morning, O Most Excellent Viewers! Today, we continue our trenchant, in depth interview with Elvendon by first exploring his scandalous liason with his French maid, the alleged niece of Jaques Cousteau....

Elvendon, precisely how scandalous was your liason, and which one of you held the feather duster?

Do you live with your French maid in a rural environment or a large town or city?

Would you describe for our viewers the room you are now in, and identify your favorite object in that room? Why is it your favorite object?

How is the miserable English weather today?

When was the last time you went on a picnic, and who did you go with?

In your opinion are Austrian ants superior to German earthworms, or is it, as many Norwegians maintain, precisely the opposite way around?

Do you have a bicycle, and if so do you ride it regularily?

Have you ever travelled abroad on holiday, keeping in mind that London does not constitute "abroad"? If so, were did you go and what did you see?

What is you opinion of current US foriegn policy?

Who has done a better job as a world power: The US nowadays, or the British in their heyday?

Which single important fact do you most passionately believe the world should know about Sierra Leone?

How old do you imagine you'll be before your substantial investment of stock in the Russian railroad system pays off?

What is the one most important thing you would do to improve human sexuality education in state funded schools?

Does the term "spirituality" mean or imply a sense or feeling of connectedness to all things?

Please name one of the three most beautiful femmes on RF that you have not seen a photo of and tell us why she is so beautiful.

Do you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, or other significant other of your own species?

What time do you usually rise from bed and why so late?

Are you embarrassed that many Belgians are up before you?

Are you planning a career in the sciences? If so, which of the sciences and why? If not, how do you think you will become a productive member of society?

What are you wearing today?

Is that how you typically dress for interviews?

 

[Elvendon]

Good morning, O Most Excellent Viewers! Today, we continue our trenchant, in depth interview with Elvendon by first exploring his scandalous liason with his French maid, the alleged niece of Jaques Cousteau....

Alleged! You leperous dog! She IS his niece!

Elvendon, precisely how scandalous was your liason, and which one of you held the feather duster?

Very. And she most certainly held the feather duster, I like women who know how to keep house.

Do you live with your French maid in a rural environment or a large town or city?

A rural environment... I can't stand the city, it gives me hives

Would you describe for our viewers the room you are now in, and identify your favorite object in that room? Why is it your favorite object?

Well, I'm sitting on a cream sofa covered with a large floral pattern (it looks better than it sounds.) The room is painted cream with green carpet with matching curtains (drapes?) The TV is on a stand in one corner, opposite the door. Opposite where I am sitting is the fireplace and next to the sofa on which I am sitting is a large stereo system, with some nic-nacks on it. The big windows on my right open out onto my garden, which is looking really green for this time of year and opposite that is a small bookcase with family photos on.

How is the miserable English weather today?

Too bloody bright and sunny... what I wouldn't do for a nice bit of rain

When was the last time you went on a picnic, and who did you go with?

It must have been about 5 years ago, and it was with my family. It was far too close to a field with bullocks in if memory serves.

In your opinion are Austrian ants superior to German earthworms, or is it, as many Norwegians maintain, precisely the opposite way around?

As ever, the Norwegians have got the right idea, but go too far. German earthworms are precisely 20 degrees more superior than Austrian Ants. I would have thought it would be obvious. I suppose the permanent sunshine in summer addles their ant-evaluation skills somewhat...

Do you have a bicycle, and if so do you ride it regularily?

No and no. I have tried to learn 3 times, and I just can't manage it. I blame the weather.

Have you ever travelled abroad on holiday, keeping in mind that London does not constitute "abroad"? If so, were did you go and what did you see?

When did London ever count as abroad, for anyone? Now Dudley... that's another country...

One of the best places I've been is Kyrgyzstan in central Asia. It was fascinating because it was a country that I knew practically nothing about - I didn't even know what it might look like. I saw plenty of lakes, many, many mountains and far, far too much Sök (an utterly vile drink made from wheat that serves the same niche as lemonaide. It honestly tasted like what it sounds like in English.) It was a great place though, and I almost went native. My fellow travellers had to deprogramme me in the British Consulate. It was a pub!

What is you opinion of current US foriegn policy?

When are they going to stop? However, I don't feel the US can take all the blame, it was the Labour Government over here that supplied the dodgey intelligence that gave your government the excuse it needed. Personally, I think the sun is setting on the American Empire, and Western politicians are frightened by the rising sun in the East.

Who has done a better job as a world power: The US nowadays, or the British in their heyday?

It's very difficult to say. Both were dealing with very different situations. When we were running around teaching everyone to swear and play cricket, the main enemies were imperial nations trying to wrest control of colonies and provincial towns from each other. Now you guys are running the show, you are having to face entirely different foes. We are both being sunk by a change in climate. Us from emperors to fascists, you from communists to terrorists. I feel rather sorry for the Americans really, you guys are going to have to live through the whole Imperial rebound we are only just resolving.

Which single important fact do you most passionately believe the world should know about Sierra Leone?

That it is now at peace, thanks in part to the sacrifces of many brave British troops.

How old do you imagine you'll be before your substantial investment of stock in the Russian railroad system pays off?

Aha, I'd tell you that, but then I'd have to kill you. You're not getting insider tips from me that easy.

What is the one most important thing you would do to improve human sexuality education in state funded schools?

They really need to stop making sex a must-have accessory. I'm not sure how it is in the states, but in the UK some sexual diseases have increased by over 1000% in a-few years, all because abstinence is not presented as a viable possibility.

Does the term "spirituality" mean or imply a sense or feeling of connectedness to all things?

As I am a panentheist, it certainly does for me. However, I suspect other people would disagree.

Please name one of the three most beautiful femmes on RF that you have not seen a photo of and tell us why she is so beautiful.

Katzpur, because she gave me Frubals, and so her karma must be through the roof.

Do you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, or other significant other of your own species?

There is the maid...

Other than her, no not at the moment

What time do you usually rise from bed and why so late?

Well I got up at 11 this morning, but that was because I just finished school

Are you embarrassed that many Belgians are up before you?

Not really... I mean, they're Belgians

Are you planning a career in the sciences? If so, which of the sciences and why? If not, how do you think you will become a productive member of society?

I am planning to do Archaeology and (primarily) Antropology at university. I will either continue an academic career in that vein, become a writer or I will become a priest. I will just throw my opinions into the mix, and hopefully help society come up with some good ideas.

What are you wearing today?

Something absolutely frightful. A pair of really trousers that look like they are made from a potatoe sack and a long sleeve T-shirt of the same colour ><.

Is that how you typically dress for interviews?