DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Peace and mercy of Allah be on you….Matrimonial matters of young men and women, and latter family matters are such issues, which cause distress and unrest in homes from time to time…..
Post-marriage, family problems do not cause troubles only for husband and wife, but they cause anguish to parents of both sides. Not only this, if children are born, these problems make suffering for them too and sometimes they go astray in worldly life and religion-wise too. It causes series of troubles for parents and larger family.
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Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah (may Allah be his Helper) further said that members report him such matters almost daily, in letters or in personal meetings.
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On one hand, matrimonial ties of young women are not made in their proper age by the family; they are studying is the excuse... Eventually, when ties are made in over-ripe age, after completion of education, excuses are made that understating is not possible, and ties are damaged……Some lady friends of young women incite wrong thoughts in their minds to make such and such demand from their husbands, and do not listen everything husbands say……Sometimes parents too, teach things to young women which end the mutual trust between husband and wife or doubts begin to rise.
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It is sad to see immigrant girls who make matrimonial ties in developed countries, they get colour of this society and begin to make wrong demands. Or sometimes, as soon as they reach in materially advanced countries, they break the ties even before starting new home.
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This state is not only of young women. Young men too are doing same, perhaps more in proportion. The reason being, many young men and women too do not speak ‘qole sadid’ (true words). It has special connection with matrimonial ties. The special emphasis about ‘qol e sadid’ is made in verses which are read at the occasion of Nikah sermon…. Full circumstances are not mentioned to each other.
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Sometimes, parents force young women for marriage to a certain person that he will be improved. These matrimonial ties have no parity in education and living style.
==
Similarly some young men have interest for some other women but they do not refuse parents and marry in (native country) or in relatives in (materially advanced country). Then after sometime, oppression starts to those helpless girls, first by husband then by the very mother-in-law who had brought her with lot of desire, and they by in-laws.
==
Anyway, hundred per cent blame of all these probems cannot be placed on any one specific, whether on young men or young women or in-laws of either side. In some case, boys are responsible and in some girls.
==
Furthermore, family problems affect children too. In some cases, after having many children, and living a good life, all of sudden the brain of man become irrational and he says he cannot live with his wife, therefore he is going to do another marriage or divorcing the wife…… Or after a long time, a wife says she has lived life with this man with lot of troubles, now she cannot bear anymore so she needs khula (procedure, by which wife takes divorce from husband). More applications come for khula in qada…..Any way, in such situations the children are affected. It is proven by worldly institutions that children suffer psychologically and morally, no matter, with whom they are living.
==
It does not matter who is responsible for these troublesome circumstances, whether husband who say wife create trouble:
- as they pursue career, in western society, and do not manage relation,
- or husband want to live with parents in start and wife do not want so,
- or wife does not have religious knowledge.
OR, wrong expectations are put on the husband, for example, he is asked to get new house immediately and it should be his property too.
==
Further problems are:
--The intrusion by young woman’s parents, in the matters of couple.
--The complaints, due to not telling true circumstances. Qol e sadid (right words), which is very important, is not used.
--Likewise, young women have some negative thoughts about man and his family. For example, man’s parents or relatives will continue to praise man before woman and try to belittle her by some excuse; she is small in height, fat, unfair colour etc….. If women is doing job for some reason, then too she listens taunting.
--Family of husband interferes in mutual relations of husband and wife.
--Wives complaints husband do not fulfill responsibility of marriage. Young men of 25/26 think they are little, they are not eligible to do marriage and cannot fulfill responsibility….If they are really little then why do they marry?
Any how series of complaints continue from both sides.
--In cases, complaints arise after many years. Children begin to grow. These are childish matters, impatience and wrong friendships create these issues.
==
If the reason of these family problems of various age groups is stated in one sentence, it is:
Being away from deen, ignorance and no interest of religious teachings, worldliness and having attraction for worldly things.
==
Thus if the solution of these problems has to be found, it should be in the light of teaching of deen because we claim we are Ahmadi and give precedence to deen over worldly life….We find the solution in Holy Quran, Ahadith and in the teaching of Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace). It is our good fortune that we believed in Islam, we are Muslim and then, in this era, accepted Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who took pledge from us that we shall give precedence to deen over world in any case. We repeat this pledge at various occasions but forget to follow when time come for practice. On the occasion of marriages, even the good servants of deen appear forgetting it, though the guidance regarding marriage is obtained by Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) that deen should be given priority over world in matrimonial matters. If by giving priority to deen, world too is obtained then it is favour of Allah the Exalted. It is called bonus in terms of worldly people’s terms. But if only worldly position is seen but claim is of giving priority to deen over world then problems occur. It is not truth.
Thus this guidance of Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) should always be remembered as top priority, which he asked to follow at the time of finding the spouse. This tradition is narrated by Hazrat Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him). Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said, marriage to a woman is done due to four reasons; her wealth, her ancestry, her beauty and her deen. So you choose woman with deen. May Allah do good for you.
If young men and their families keep this guidance before them, then women and their families will make deen their priority. With deen as priority, many complaints and reservation on all sides will be finished. The young man, in search of woman with deen, prioritizing deen, he will have to mould his actions according to deen. The one who will be practicing deen, there will be no discord and mischief in his house at little issues. And also family of men will not be making troubles for women.
==
Islam teaches that although it is priority to see deen, sometimes every supposed match is not proper for other person, that is why do Istikharah before making matrimonial ties. Seek goodness from Allah the Exalted for matrimonial tie and if goodness is not there in it according to Allah the Exalted, may He put hindrance in it.
Hazrat Khaliftul Messiah I (may Allah be pleased with him) once said about it in very beautiful way that Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has done great benevolence by telling us such a way if we follow it, inshaAllah surely Nikah will be cause of delight and the cause and aim of Nikah is told in Holy Quran - that it should become cause of satisfaction and affection - it is produced. The first most plan is told to find deen. Beauty, wealth or only ancestry should not be the motive. First the intention should be good, then secondly do a lot of Istikharah before Nikah.
When servant prays to Allah the Exalted may he live with satisfaction, love, affection, and pray if there is satisfaction and goodness in it for me then may this tie is knotted. Then married life passes very successfully, but remember Satan continues to attack after marriage too by various ways. Thus this prayer should be done continuously that may the marriage always continue with love, affection and satisfaction.
==
Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) told the importance of Istikharah that Nikah is among very great works. Many people think, husband-to-be should be from big nation, should be of great ancestry, should have wealth, have government and grandeur, should be beautiful and young but our Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) says make effort to find person who is committed to deen. And beauce it is hard to know the reality about moral, habits and trustfulness [some ties are broken because later all information turns out to be wrong] that is why it is said to do Istikharah surely, we do not know the end, but Allah the Exalted is Aalemul Ghaib (Knower of unseen), then first do lot of Istikharah, and seek help from God the Exalted.
==
CONTINUES
Post-marriage, family problems do not cause troubles only for husband and wife, but they cause anguish to parents of both sides. Not only this, if children are born, these problems make suffering for them too and sometimes they go astray in worldly life and religion-wise too. It causes series of troubles for parents and larger family.
==
Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah (may Allah be his Helper) further said that members report him such matters almost daily, in letters or in personal meetings.
==
On one hand, matrimonial ties of young women are not made in their proper age by the family; they are studying is the excuse... Eventually, when ties are made in over-ripe age, after completion of education, excuses are made that understating is not possible, and ties are damaged……Some lady friends of young women incite wrong thoughts in their minds to make such and such demand from their husbands, and do not listen everything husbands say……Sometimes parents too, teach things to young women which end the mutual trust between husband and wife or doubts begin to rise.
==
It is sad to see immigrant girls who make matrimonial ties in developed countries, they get colour of this society and begin to make wrong demands. Or sometimes, as soon as they reach in materially advanced countries, they break the ties even before starting new home.
==
This state is not only of young women. Young men too are doing same, perhaps more in proportion. The reason being, many young men and women too do not speak ‘qole sadid’ (true words). It has special connection with matrimonial ties. The special emphasis about ‘qol e sadid’ is made in verses which are read at the occasion of Nikah sermon…. Full circumstances are not mentioned to each other.
==
Sometimes, parents force young women for marriage to a certain person that he will be improved. These matrimonial ties have no parity in education and living style.
==
Similarly some young men have interest for some other women but they do not refuse parents and marry in (native country) or in relatives in (materially advanced country). Then after sometime, oppression starts to those helpless girls, first by husband then by the very mother-in-law who had brought her with lot of desire, and they by in-laws.
==
Anyway, hundred per cent blame of all these probems cannot be placed on any one specific, whether on young men or young women or in-laws of either side. In some case, boys are responsible and in some girls.
==
Furthermore, family problems affect children too. In some cases, after having many children, and living a good life, all of sudden the brain of man become irrational and he says he cannot live with his wife, therefore he is going to do another marriage or divorcing the wife…… Or after a long time, a wife says she has lived life with this man with lot of troubles, now she cannot bear anymore so she needs khula (procedure, by which wife takes divorce from husband). More applications come for khula in qada…..Any way, in such situations the children are affected. It is proven by worldly institutions that children suffer psychologically and morally, no matter, with whom they are living.
==
It does not matter who is responsible for these troublesome circumstances, whether husband who say wife create trouble:
- as they pursue career, in western society, and do not manage relation,
- or husband want to live with parents in start and wife do not want so,
- or wife does not have religious knowledge.
OR, wrong expectations are put on the husband, for example, he is asked to get new house immediately and it should be his property too.
==
Further problems are:
--The intrusion by young woman’s parents, in the matters of couple.
--The complaints, due to not telling true circumstances. Qol e sadid (right words), which is very important, is not used.
--Likewise, young women have some negative thoughts about man and his family. For example, man’s parents or relatives will continue to praise man before woman and try to belittle her by some excuse; she is small in height, fat, unfair colour etc….. If women is doing job for some reason, then too she listens taunting.
--Family of husband interferes in mutual relations of husband and wife.
--Wives complaints husband do not fulfill responsibility of marriage. Young men of 25/26 think they are little, they are not eligible to do marriage and cannot fulfill responsibility….If they are really little then why do they marry?
Any how series of complaints continue from both sides.
--In cases, complaints arise after many years. Children begin to grow. These are childish matters, impatience and wrong friendships create these issues.
==
If the reason of these family problems of various age groups is stated in one sentence, it is:
Being away from deen, ignorance and no interest of religious teachings, worldliness and having attraction for worldly things.
==
Thus if the solution of these problems has to be found, it should be in the light of teaching of deen because we claim we are Ahmadi and give precedence to deen over worldly life….We find the solution in Holy Quran, Ahadith and in the teaching of Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace). It is our good fortune that we believed in Islam, we are Muslim and then, in this era, accepted Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who took pledge from us that we shall give precedence to deen over world in any case. We repeat this pledge at various occasions but forget to follow when time come for practice. On the occasion of marriages, even the good servants of deen appear forgetting it, though the guidance regarding marriage is obtained by Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) that deen should be given priority over world in matrimonial matters. If by giving priority to deen, world too is obtained then it is favour of Allah the Exalted. It is called bonus in terms of worldly people’s terms. But if only worldly position is seen but claim is of giving priority to deen over world then problems occur. It is not truth.
Thus this guidance of Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) should always be remembered as top priority, which he asked to follow at the time of finding the spouse. This tradition is narrated by Hazrat Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him). Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said, marriage to a woman is done due to four reasons; her wealth, her ancestry, her beauty and her deen. So you choose woman with deen. May Allah do good for you.
If young men and their families keep this guidance before them, then women and their families will make deen their priority. With deen as priority, many complaints and reservation on all sides will be finished. The young man, in search of woman with deen, prioritizing deen, he will have to mould his actions according to deen. The one who will be practicing deen, there will be no discord and mischief in his house at little issues. And also family of men will not be making troubles for women.
==
Islam teaches that although it is priority to see deen, sometimes every supposed match is not proper for other person, that is why do Istikharah before making matrimonial ties. Seek goodness from Allah the Exalted for matrimonial tie and if goodness is not there in it according to Allah the Exalted, may He put hindrance in it.
Hazrat Khaliftul Messiah I (may Allah be pleased with him) once said about it in very beautiful way that Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has done great benevolence by telling us such a way if we follow it, inshaAllah surely Nikah will be cause of delight and the cause and aim of Nikah is told in Holy Quran - that it should become cause of satisfaction and affection - it is produced. The first most plan is told to find deen. Beauty, wealth or only ancestry should not be the motive. First the intention should be good, then secondly do a lot of Istikharah before Nikah.
When servant prays to Allah the Exalted may he live with satisfaction, love, affection, and pray if there is satisfaction and goodness in it for me then may this tie is knotted. Then married life passes very successfully, but remember Satan continues to attack after marriage too by various ways. Thus this prayer should be done continuously that may the marriage always continue with love, affection and satisfaction.
==
Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) told the importance of Istikharah that Nikah is among very great works. Many people think, husband-to-be should be from big nation, should be of great ancestry, should have wealth, have government and grandeur, should be beautiful and young but our Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) says make effort to find person who is committed to deen. And beauce it is hard to know the reality about moral, habits and trustfulness [some ties are broken because later all information turns out to be wrong] that is why it is said to do Istikharah surely, we do not know the end, but Allah the Exalted is Aalemul Ghaib (Knower of unseen), then first do lot of Istikharah, and seek help from God the Exalted.
==
CONTINUES