I've probably told the stories of my sister-in-law, partner's sister, with whom we've had nothing but trouble over the past 17+ years we are together. She was trouble from the day she slid out. But I must say, in all honesty, there were times we had fun.
Over the years I've helped raise her three kids, bought them clothes, given them a car to use, put them under my insurance, bought their high school and college books, fed them. I ask nothing in return because the kids think I walk on water. This is in addition to supporting her mother, who would have lost her house, if not for me. She did nothing to ever help, rather she would always take, take, take.
During all this time, at every opportunity despite my actions, like a rattlesnake you try to help, she would strike and cause untold aggravation and trouble. This went on time and again. The last straw was two years ago involving her removing my m-i-l from her own house and our care, having called Social Services reporting "elder abuse". This was a totally unfounded accusation in an attempt to take her mother's monthly Social Security check. Tell me how a woman with medical problems we cared for, for at least 8 years, lived in her own house, and after 5 months living with her daughter, is dead. Anyway, this caused a rift that made the splitting of Pangaea look like a cracked egg. We had not spoken in almost two years.
Through all this time, I even prayed for her, I felt sorry for how she is and the life she leads. I did not hate her, but I wished and prayed she could and would change. Well, I can't say she has changed, because I don't know for sure, and they say you can change a leopard's ways but not its spots. So, I am wary.
My partner was the first to mend fences with her a few weeks ago; he was especially hurt because she kept him and their mother from talking, and he never got a chance to see his mother a last time. I could forgive her, I would not forget, but I didn't want to have anything to do with her. I don't think that and forgiveness are mutually exclusive. At her daughter's law school graduation, yes, I ignored her, even though she said hello to me. Maybe I should have taken that opportunity to go the extra step. I didn't, so it was what it was.
However, on Sunday at the bbq-graduation party, she again came up to me, said hello. I said "oh hai!" and we offered cheeks to kiss. I complimented her on how much weight she lost, and how she looks good. She had bariatric surgery, having been morbidly obese. We chit-chatted, joked and even messaged pictures back and forth on our phones that we were taking.
Do I feel better for this fence-mending? I can't say yes or no. Do I realize now that I held a lot of anger and hurt, and am I glad that is gone? Yes. Will I ever trust her? She has a long road to travel before gaining my trust again. Does she still have my compassion? Yes. What have I learned?
From Eight Verses of Mind Training By Geshe Langri Thangpa
Whenever I see ill-natured beings, or those overwhelmed by heavy misdeeds or suffering, I will cherish them as something rare, as though Id found a priceless treasure.
Whenever someone out of envy does me wrong by attacking or belittling me, I will take defeat upon myself, and give the victory to others.
Even when someone I have helped, or in whom I have placed great hopes mistreats me very unjustly, I will view that person as a true spiritual teacher.
Over the years I've helped raise her three kids, bought them clothes, given them a car to use, put them under my insurance, bought their high school and college books, fed them. I ask nothing in return because the kids think I walk on water. This is in addition to supporting her mother, who would have lost her house, if not for me. She did nothing to ever help, rather she would always take, take, take.
During all this time, at every opportunity despite my actions, like a rattlesnake you try to help, she would strike and cause untold aggravation and trouble. This went on time and again. The last straw was two years ago involving her removing my m-i-l from her own house and our care, having called Social Services reporting "elder abuse". This was a totally unfounded accusation in an attempt to take her mother's monthly Social Security check. Tell me how a woman with medical problems we cared for, for at least 8 years, lived in her own house, and after 5 months living with her daughter, is dead. Anyway, this caused a rift that made the splitting of Pangaea look like a cracked egg. We had not spoken in almost two years.
Through all this time, I even prayed for her, I felt sorry for how she is and the life she leads. I did not hate her, but I wished and prayed she could and would change. Well, I can't say she has changed, because I don't know for sure, and they say you can change a leopard's ways but not its spots. So, I am wary.
My partner was the first to mend fences with her a few weeks ago; he was especially hurt because she kept him and their mother from talking, and he never got a chance to see his mother a last time. I could forgive her, I would not forget, but I didn't want to have anything to do with her. I don't think that and forgiveness are mutually exclusive. At her daughter's law school graduation, yes, I ignored her, even though she said hello to me. Maybe I should have taken that opportunity to go the extra step. I didn't, so it was what it was.
However, on Sunday at the bbq-graduation party, she again came up to me, said hello. I said "oh hai!" and we offered cheeks to kiss. I complimented her on how much weight she lost, and how she looks good. She had bariatric surgery, having been morbidly obese. We chit-chatted, joked and even messaged pictures back and forth on our phones that we were taking.
Do I feel better for this fence-mending? I can't say yes or no. Do I realize now that I held a lot of anger and hurt, and am I glad that is gone? Yes. Will I ever trust her? She has a long road to travel before gaining my trust again. Does she still have my compassion? Yes. What have I learned?
From Eight Verses of Mind Training By Geshe Langri Thangpa
Whenever I see ill-natured beings, or those overwhelmed by heavy misdeeds or suffering, I will cherish them as something rare, as though Id found a priceless treasure.
Whenever someone out of envy does me wrong by attacking or belittling me, I will take defeat upon myself, and give the victory to others.
Even when someone I have helped, or in whom I have placed great hopes mistreats me very unjustly, I will view that person as a true spiritual teacher.
