Thinking about Returning or I'm Crazy

[KeithCristian]

I joined the church in my mid-30s and stayed a couple of years. Got depressed and started missing. Also got tired of all the marriage talk I was hearing. I wasn't married then and am not now. So it really got to me.

So I started missing and seeing a therapist who said I did not really believe in the LDS church. Also said I had no friends in the church because they (the ward members) knew I did not believe.

So in the past few years I figured I would probably never return so I made a couple of anti-LDS videos and put them on youtube. Also been visiting other churches and saying how disgruntled I was with the LDS church. Almost joined the Catholic church but did not. I did not join any other churches.

I have to admit I've thought about returning. I think about the church every day, wishing I could return. Still, I don't know. I imagine if I did return and admitted I made two anti-LDS videos I would be excommunicated.

When I was going I really felt energized. Now I feel I've lost that energy and want it back.

Last week I felt bad about those videos, thinking it was not very honorable to have them up. So I deleted them from you-tube. A few days later a couple of ward members stopped by out of the blue and invited me to a
Fireside. This was the first visit I've had from any Ward member in a few years. Also one of my bookshelves fell apart and I had to take all the books down and fix the shelf. A lot of books were religious books including LDS. I picked up the Book of Mormon and thought I would throw it away, but then said No, I better not. A few hours later the two Ward members stopped in inviting me back to the fireside.

Not sure what I want to do.

 

[Yep!]

I fell away from the Church. I fell away because I felt like I had been left alone without comfort during a severely difficult event in my life. I did some things that resulted in a disfellowshipping when I returned and went through the repentance process. The process of repentance was difficult and hurt at times I bordered on giving up and not coming back. I had felt an absence while I was not active, an absence that I did not understand at the time. Since returning I recognize the absence as being the absence of the Spirit. I recognize the ache that was always there even if I did not realize it, it was a longing for the Spirit. I am at peace now, I know that my life is acceptable to the Lord, I know that I am becoming more and more Christ-like. I am not near perfection, but I am heading in that direction and nearly every day I am better than I was before. Yes, I err often, but I am traveling the path to eternal life. I have made choices that have made my path more steep and difficult, I often struggle trying to climb it, and it will take me longer to reach the summit than many others, but I will be stronger for it. God loves me and will do right by me. I know that there are times that I know my path would be impossible for me alone, but I know that I have had, and will have, Christ's hands to help me continue on.

If you are feeling this, you are being nudged by the spirit, you are ready to come back, let yourself. However, if you do so, I would suggest that you make sure you come back 100%, but then I never do anything part way.

And, always remember that as long as you do the things you are supposed to, living the life that God wants you to, God will do right by you, you will be happy.

 

[Katzpur]

I joined the church in my mid-30s and stayed a couple of years. Got depressed and started missing. Also got tired of all the marriage talk I was hearing. I wasn't married then and am not now. So it really got to me.

So I started missing and seeing a therapist who said I did not really believe in the LDS church. Also said I had no friends in the church because they (the ward members) knew I did not believe.

So in the past few years I figured I would probably never return so I made a couple of anti-LDS videos and put them on youtube. Also been visiting other churches and saying how disgruntled I was with the LDS church. Almost joined the Catholic church but did not. I did not join any other churches.

I have to admit I've thought about returning. I think about the church every day, wishing I could return. Still, I don't know. I imagine if I did return and admitted I made two anti-LDS videos I would be excommunicated.

When I was going I really felt energized. Now I feel I've lost that energy and want it back.

Last week I felt bad about those videos, thinking it was not very honorable to have them up. So I deleted them from you-tube. A few days later a couple of ward members stopped by out of the blue and invited me to a
Fireside. This was the first visit I've had from any Ward member in a few years. Also one of my bookshelves fell apart and I had to take all the books down and fix the shelf. A lot of books were religious books including LDS. I picked up the Book of Mormon and thought I would throw it away, but then said No, I better not. A few hours later the two Ward members stopped in inviting me back to the fireside.

Not sure what I want to do.

I remember you, Keith. First off, let me just say that I doubt very much you would be excommunicated from some wrong-doing you have since recognized to be wrong and done what you can to fix. There is not one single solitary Latter-day Saint who is "without sin," and there is pretty much no sin you cannot be forgiven of. That said, should you decide to return, keep in mind that the gospel is not really about the people in the Church. It's about Jesus Christ. It's about God's Plan of Salvation for all mankind. If you were to come back, you would probably find as much to turn you off to the members of the Church as you found before. The same people who treated you poorly a few years back will more than likely not have changed at all. You would just need to somehow learn to deal with the fact that no matter how true the doctrines may be, the LDS Church has some members that are going to be jerks (pretty much like any other church has some members that are going to be jerks). If you are unfamiliar with this website, I suggest you check it out. I can pretty much promise you that you'll find plenty of people posting there who are going through or have been through what you're going through now.