'The Sexual Minority' (here on RF)

[NIX]

This thread is for all of us who (in whatever real way) make up 'the sexual minority'-- to share thoughts, stories, life experiences... both good and bad.

GLBTQ, Transexual, Transgender, Polyamorous, Pansexual, some of the obvious,
or even anything 'non norm' that you would seriously hesitate to tell family or friends. (BDSM, couples swinging.... etc)

So even if you are in the heterosexual and/or monogamous majority- there still may be some minority wiggle room in this thread here for you yet.

Sometimes it's hard being in the minority. Always hesitating to be honest about yourself- and even some of the happiest things in your life- is a burden.
We sometimes get lost in the 'normalcy' shuffle as well, even unwittingly by people who do actually love and support us as we are.

We are a strange minority, in that we are easily lumped together as so many different types and orientations. We could be called the "Devient League".
As such we even get lost within our own minority.
And then sometimes some of us become the rejected minority within the minority.

So anyway, here in this thread is a safe place to share out in the open.
Supportive questions and comments only will be welcomed and tolerated in this thread.

Hopefully it will bring us all closer together in understanding and friendship. :group::flower:

 

[dgirl1986]

I keep forgetting that I am technically in a minority, it doesnt really feel like it....then again I have had some pretty good support over the last few months as I came to accept things.

 

[NIX]

I keep forgetting that I am technically in a minority, it doesnt really feel like it....then again I have had some pretty good support over the last few months as I came to accept things.

That's truly wonderful! It's not being 'in the minority' that is the problematic thing. It's how the majority often subjugates, dominates and sometimes simply overlooks (or fails to understand) the reality and needs of the minority that becomes the problem.
I wish you continued support and happiness. :flower:

 

[dgirl1986]

That's truly wonderful! It's not being 'in the minority' that is the problematic thing. It's how the majority often subjugates, dominates and overlooks the reality and needs of the minority that becomes the problem.
I wish you continued support and happiness. :flower:

Thanks! I went on an unoffical date on Saturday night and my parents were too awkward to ask about it lol. My 14 yr old sister was all up in my business wanting to know how it went

 

[NIX]

Thanks! I went on an unoffical date on Saturday night and my parents were too awkward to ask about it lol. My 14 yr old sister was all up in my business wanting to know how it went

Awww! :hug: But they know! You were able to tell them. I'm sure they will come into their comfort zone with a little time. It's always a little scary when you first step out into unknown territory.

 

[NIX]

Thanks! I went on an unoffical date on Saturday night and my parents were too awkward to ask about it lol. My 14 yr old sister was all up in my business wanting to know how it went

That's great that your 14 year old sister is treating you as a 14 year old sister normally would! lol

 

[dgirl1986]

Awww! :hug: But they know! You were able to tell them. I'm sure they will come into their comfort zone with a little time. It's always a little scary when you first step out into unknown territory.

Well it was a long time coming, I had mentioned things here and there to my mum. I have a suspicion my mum will be pretty much as cool as a cucumber until I actually have a gf lol.

That's great that your 14 year old sister is treating you as a 14 year old sister normally would! lol

She makes jokes at me all the time. I once asked "You know what I dont like" referring to food and as quick as a flash she said "Men?" and then cackled. lol

 

[MysticSang'ha]

What is difficult for me sometimes can be broken down into a few distinct areas:

1) I'm bisexual and polyamorous. I've always been attracted to people both in and out of whatever relationships I've been in.

2) There is a stereotype of the bisexual who's a "****", and who will sleep with anybody. In some ways, people see me fitting the stereotype, and the monogamous bisexuals see me as only perpetuating that stereotype, and therefore "make things harder for them to be taken seriously."

3) There are people on either side of the spectrum who see me as simply being on the fence, and that I'm either REALLY heterosexual who is just playing around, or I'm REALLY lesbian who is living a lie by being married to a man.

While addressing #2, I can understand the difficulty that monogamous bisexuals experience with the general public who assume all bisexuals are like me. But it doesn't make it any easier when the assumption is lumped into the same disparaging remarks that bi and poly equate to a degradation of morality. That because I'm bisexual, the request is that I am required to "stop acting like Tia Tequila"......who I guess is supposed to be a bad person because of her "lifestyle."

Not whining here. It's an observation that puts a damper on my ability to share how well my dates have been. It also puts a damper on my dates themselves, when they know well enough ahead of time that I request we remain extremely discreet about our dating. They're all pretty cool about it, but we can't be TOO public about anything.

IOW, I can hold hands and look dreamily into the eyes of my husband in public, but not anybody else I'm dating, even though I feel very much affection for them too.

.

.

.

Then there's a small group of people who think I as a person am "more evolved" than other orientations or approaches to the definition of fidelity. I'm not. I'm very human, with my own neuroses, my own worries, and my own mistakes. Just because I'm bisexual, polyamorous, and a domme, it doesn't mean I've achieved anything in life. It's just how I'm wired. I find it liberating to be exactly how I'm wired with the kind of awareness and integrity that respects all those who I engage with. But I haven't worked to be who I am. I'm simply honest with myself how I tick, and i accept myself for who I am.

Minor rant over.

 

[dgirl1986]

2) There is a stereotype of the bisexual who's a "****", and who will sleep with anybody. In some ways, people see me fitting the stereotype, and the monogamous bisexuals see me as only perpetuating that stereotype, and therefore "make things harder for them to be taken seriously."

Ive notice that there seems to be quite a bit of biphobia within the LGBT "community". Even my mother told me not to go for someone who is bi because they are more likely to cheat given that they have two sexes to chose from. I dont know where she got that idea from

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Ive notice that there seems to be quite a bit of biphobia within the LGBT "community". Even my mother told me not to go for someone who is bi because they are more likely to cheat given that they have two sexes to chose from. I dont know where she got that idea from

LOL, it's quite the stereotype.

 

[illykitty]

I've never been with a woman but I very much know that the attraction is more than admiration. Hence why I call myself bisexual.

I am very much monogamous though. I'd hate it if people were to assume otherwise. I take loyalty very seriously and when I'm in a relationship I'm 100% committed to that one special person. At least that's how it is with my husband. He is an amazing person and I don't require anyone else to make me happy.

I cannot pretend to understand how poly relationships work and probably won't ever do. As long as it doesn't affect me though, there's no problem! There's no use in fighting something you don't understand which doesn't hurt you.

My theory on why some people think it's more "evolved" is because there's no possessiveness and to them, having multiple partners doesn't lessen the relationships. The problem with calling it more evolved is that it assumes there's no problems in that sort of setting and that monogamy is primitive and unfulfilling. Perhaps to them it is, but I'd be equally unhappy if I were forced into polygamy. I'd feel as if I wasn't enough for that person and it would be very hurtful.

As for anything else, I like some bondage and role playing. The latter especially. Also, porn somehow has a reverse effect (turn off) but I like hentai (pornographic anime). I suppose it's because it is a fantasy and anything is allowed and possible, unlike reality. (Unlike the stereotype, it's not ALL about tentacle rape.)

 

[Gjallarhorn]

Ive notice that there seems to be quite a bit of biphobia within the LGBT "community". Even my mother told me not to go for someone who is bi because they are more likely to cheat given that they have two sexes to chose from. I dont know where she got that idea from

I heard that from my aunt when I told her I was bisexual. I was told to "choose a side". As if monogamy was incompatible with liking men and women.

 

[dgirl1986]

I heard that from my aunt when I told her I was bisexual. I was told to "choose a side". As if monogamy was incompatible with liking men and women.

Geeeez. See Im not bi and I dont really know any genuinely bi people but I dont understand where that kind of thinking comes from. Its none of their business anyways!

 

[Amechania]

Geeeez. See Im not bi and I dont really know any genuinely bi people but I dont understand where that kind of thinking comes from. Its none of their business anyways!

I think if you volunteer the information you're kind of making it someone's business, aren't you? I'm a generally monogamous bisexual. I always have been, always will be, but the only person who needs to know that is my partner. My mom doesn't need to know, my dad certainly doesn't need to know, and my aunts, well, a couple of them really don't need to know if you catch my drift.

 

[dgirl1986]

I think if you volunteer the information you're kind of making it someone's business, aren't you? I'm a generally monogamous bisexual. I always have been, always will be, but the only person who needs to know that is my partner. My mom doesn't need to know, my dad certainly doesn't need to know, and my aunts, well, a couple of them really don't need to know if you catch my drift.

I told the people that I thought should know, as I thought it would be a bit of a shock to be like oh hey meet my girlfriend. Let them get used to the idea, I didnt ask for their opinion on it though.

I dont really care who finds out but Im not shouting it from the rooftops if you get what I mean

 

[Amechania]

I told the people that I thought should know, as I thought it would be a bit of a shock to be like oh hey meet my girlfriend. Let them get used to the idea, I didnt ask for their opinion on it though.

I dont really care who finds out but Im not shouting it from the rooftops if you get what I mean

Oh yeah, need-to-know out of love, I feel you. I've never tried to hide my orientation and if someone is shocked by it that's their problem.

 

[dgirl1986]

Oh yeah, need-to-know out of love, I feel you. I've never tried to hide my orientation and if someone is shocked by it that's their problem.

Too right!

 

[NIX]

I heard that from my aunt when I told her I was bisexual. I was told to "choose a side". As if monogamy was incompatible with liking men and women.

The only people less understood than bisexuals it seems, are the polyamorous.
And then us poly'bis- we are the devil's spawn- creating line drawing havoc for everyone.
Poly'bis are the greusome imaginary monsters in the deepest corners of people's morality reality closets. :faint:
Somebody always has to be the scapegoat. Somehow it validates everyone else.

 

[crossfire]

I heard that from my aunt when I told her I was bisexual. I was told to "choose a side". As if monogamy was incompatible with liking men and women.

How about "neither?" {Childbirth chased me away!}

The strange assumptions you get when you say "no thanks," can get downright nasty.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

The only people less understood than bisexuals it seems, are the polyamorous.
And then us poly'bis- we are the devil's spawn- creating line drawing havoc for everyone.
Poly'bis are the greusome imaginary monsters in the deepest corners of people's morality reality closets. :faint:
Somebody always has to be the scapegoat. Somehow it validates everyone else.

Dang, you put it so much better than I did, NIX.

Here's the rub, though, and this is kind of sad and hilarious at the same time.....I've run into enough people who in public would rail against folks like you and me and then secretly - in private - call us up in the hopes of getting some action.

My favorite one was an acquaintance back in the '90s who was a popular deacon and well-loved by the congregation and the ministers. He also was pretty vocal about his feelings about what he called "sexual impurity". And he also kept insisting that he doesn't hate me, but he disagrees with my "lifestyle."

That was, until one night, when he and I were alone and he came on to me with a LOT of enthusiasm.

Same with women. I've found the most vocal women against my orientation are actually get the most turned on if I jokingly gave them a lap dance. We had a dinner party at our house on New Years Eve where I began doing random lap dances (not very well since I was drunk), and I crawled onto the lap of this woman in her 50s who was a co-worker of my husbands. I began to watch her cheeks flush, her eyes dilate, her breathing change. I thought I was seeing things because I was drinking until her hands began caressing my thighs. Hubbie said everybody thought she was straight as an arrow.

And then there was another time when a friend of ours brought his fiance over. We ate, joked, and I felt a REAL electricity happening between the fiance and me. Once the friend walked outside to smoke, she grabbed my face and planted a kiss on my lips right in front of my husband. He put down his drink and joked, "whoa.....hey you should do that when (friend outside) comes back inside."

She said, "No! I can't. PLEASE don't tell him anything!"

That was ridiculously awkward.