Stopping regret and forgiving oneself?

[Kathryn]

I understand how things can haunt us. We can find ourselves torturing our minds with thoughts that start with, "If only..." and "What if..."

"If only I hadn't said that..."

"If only I had stopped him..."

"What if she were still here..."

"What would have happened if I had..."

The thing is, there is no such thing as "What might have been." There is only "What is." We can never know what might have been, but we always paint that as the rosiest picture - when what might have been MIGHT HAVE BEEN AWFUL.

"If only I had locked the gate to the swimming pool - my baby would be 32 years old today and beautiful and happy and I'd be a grandmother."

Well - if Hitler's mom had left the gate open to the swimming pool, maybe 6 million Jews would not have been killed.

I know that's an extreme example, but my point is this - it is what it is. We simply have to move forward and make the most out of what and who is in our lives today. Everything could change in a heartbeat anyway. Live and love TODAY.

 

[dawny0826]

According to your personal view or your religion/scripture.

How can we overcome our regrets, such as things we did and later wish we didn't or things we didn't do in the past but now wish we had?

How can we forgive ourself or come to the decision that God forgives us for those past actions?

According to biblical scripture, once you repent - you should be able to let go because you're forgiven.

Ultimately, I think regret is something that's designed to be worked through and learned from. I think it's healthy to forgive oneself and others but there's always a lesson to be learned.

I like the concept of repenting and I still believe in God's grace and forgiveness but I think I'd be less of a person if I didn't work through my crap too. I won't forgive myself until I've seen what needs to be seen from a particular situation.

 

[elmarna]

i enjoyed reading all the posts!
Learning from the mistakes
Accountability
realization that the past is not something you can change.
may i add 1 thing...
i always say that your past always can catch up with you.
If this does occur -turn around look it straight in the face & say I made the best decisions at that time. I am sorry if it left you feeling I could have done better.
Do not stress I am always improveing upon!!!

 

[KovertKitty]

According to your personal view or your religion/scripture.

How can we overcome our regrets, such as things we did and later wish we didn't or things we didn't do in the past but now wish we had?

How can we forgive ourself or come to the decision that God forgives us for those past actions?

I feel the only way to overcome regret, and essentially not have them at all, is to accept the past for what it is, learn from your experience, and move forward with this new found knowledge... No one can look back in their lives, think of how things could have been done, and expect that the outcome would have been better or worse... Different, yes, but you can never really say how... and I'm read glimpses of the past coming back to haunt someone... Though that is a valid concept, it in essence means you never have let go and forgiven yourself for it... You still regret that point in time... I understand, however, that decisions hold various levels of severity, and some are harder than others to overcome, but when you scrape things down to the nitty-gritty you'll come to find that acceptance, knowledge, and execution of the latter is the main way to overcome regret...