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Stop trying to fix yourself!

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Speaking as someone who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia way back in 1983, I have spent the vast majority of my adult like feeling that I am very defective and desperately wishing I could change.

I have read countless self-help books and quite a few on Buddhism.

It has been quite a journey - looking back, it is an absolute miracle I survived at all!

I have come to the conclusion that suffering can make you all bitter & twisted or it can make you far more compassionate. I have certainly experienced BOTH extremes in a single lifetime!

Not too sure what I could actually impart that might help anyone else who is struggling ... hope this helps -

Transforming Self-Criticism

If you really like Tiny Buddha, someone has compiled a list of their 100 best articles, would-you-believe!

Top 100 Tiny Buddha articles - the definitve collection

Wishing everyone all the best!
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
It has to be carefully considered. Many people try to fix themselves, but nothing really needs fixed. On the other side, where I personally was and still am, some people working on "fixing" themselves leads more happiness, improved quality of life, and allows them to enjoy the things they wouldn't have otherwise.
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
It has to be carefully considered. Many people try to fix themselves, but nothing really needs fixed. On the other side, where I personally was and still am, some people working on "fixing" themselves leads more happiness, improved quality of life, and allows them to enjoy the things they wouldn't have otherwise.

Fair enough!

You could say I have "fixed" myself quite a lot - I used to be very angry and cynical - almost seems like someone else's life!

Not even sure "how" I managed it ...

Thanks for posting.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Unless you have a compelling reason not to, I think it's best to simply accept yourself in as non-judgmental of a way as is possible for you, rather than try to "fix things".
 

sun rise

The world is on fire
Premium Member
That article on self criticism is to me spot on. One book that deeply impressed me was "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" that included quite a bit about self-criticism as well as "mental illness" (a terrible phrase). This short chapter about the positive aspect of suffering came to my mind when I read the OP:

Her dream began with winter darkness. Out of this darkness came a great hand,
fisted. It was a man's hand, powerful and hollowed by the shadows of the wells
between bones and tendons. The fist opened and in the long plain of the palm
lay three pieces of coal. Slowly the hand closed causing within the fist a
tremendous pressure. The pressure began to generate a white heat and still it
increased. There was a sense of weighing, crushing time. She seemed to feel
the suffering of the coal with her own body, almost beyond the point of being
born. At least she cried out to the hand "Stop it! Will you never end it! Even
a stone cannot bear to this limit... even a stone...!"

After what seemed like too long a time for anything molecular to endure, the
torments in the fist relaxed. The fist turned slowly and very slowly opened.

Diamonds. Three of them.

Three clear and brilliant diamonds shot with light, lay in the good palm. A
deep voice called to her, "Deborah." And then, gently, "Deborah, this will be
you."
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
That article on self criticism is to me spot on. One book that deeply impressed me was "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" that included quite a bit about self-criticism as well as "mental illness" (a terrible phrase). This short chapter about the positive aspect of suffering came to my mind when I read the OP:

Thanks for the excerpt!

I was a little apprehensive thinking maybe I would cop "flack" as many people seem to think they need "fixing" and that I am craaaaazy to suggest otherwise :)

The article goes into far more detail than my rather brief post. It suggests that regarding yourself as a "defective" person who needs to be "fixed" aint a terribly effective way of producing genuine growth.

That agrees fairly well with my own humble experience.

Thanks again for the support! :)
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Unless you have a compelling reason not to, I think it's best to simply accept yourself in as non-judgmental of a way as is possible for you, rather than try to "fix things".

Agreed! You're a real mind-reader :)

It would radically change many people's experiences if they could learn to have genuine compassion for themselves.

Here's hopping!
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
You could say I have "fixed" myself quite a lot - I used to be very angry and cynical - almost seems like someone else's life!
That "almost seems like someone else's life," that's pretty much where I am compared to how I was to how I am now. Accounting my past and present on RF a few months ago, I found it hard to believe I used to be so miserable, depressed, and yearning for death. I'm so much happier now, don't cry myself to sleep anymore, and happy to just be alive.
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
That "almost seems like someone else's life," that's pretty much where I am compared to how I was to how I am now. Accounting my past and present on RF a few months ago, I found it hard to believe I used to be so miserable, depressed, and yearning for death. I'm so much happier now, don't cry myself to sleep anymore, and happy to just be alive.

Good to hear! Keep it up.

If you had told the old me that I would get RIGHT into meditation and reading books like Power of Now and treating everyone with kindness & compassion ... well ... I would have absolutely laughed in your face!

So change is possible - sadly, a little too rare for my tastes - and I really wish I knew why that is ... I hesitate to even take "credit" for my own transformation - it still puzzles me greatly! :)

Thanks for posting!
 
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