@AllanV Yes, I do notice that diet plays a huge part in my overall sense of well being. It seems for me that eating sugary and processed foods makes me more sluggish. When I eat like that, I just want to watch tv and veg out. I prefer to be at my optimum level mentally as well as physically.
In the past, I have fasted and while that gives me creative bursts of energy, I think it's too much to handle at times. When too many dreams and visions kick in from lack of food, I find it harder to shift consciousness. I got to admit though, I love the euphoria and bliss that comes with fasting, but that is not something I can allow myself to engage in because I have to live in this world too. Maybe when I'm older I can retreat and move to a nunnery, lol, that sounds great, but...at this point in my life, that would be escapism. I've been researching the raw food diet this past week and that sounds like something I'm interested in. I've been veg/vegan for about 20 years now, take lots of B supplements, and am currently taking some brain supplements that regulates serotonin levels.
I think that because I switched my eating habits recently, that may have contributed to my confusion. The past few months I've been not eating well, watching tv, and just being apathetic compared to my usual self. Other than the diet thing, there are many other factors that play into this problem. Like I said earlier, I no longer am at my wits end. I think that having someone who takes the slightest bit of interest in a person's problem without wanting anything in return works wonders. Maybe it's having just the slightest human connection, where there is only compassion, no judgment, or apprehension that say a doctor would have when dealing with a psychotic person, maybe that is what I find works for me. Going to doctors is very clinical, almost dehumanizing in a way. The last thing I can handle with dealing with self worth issues is to feel dehumanized.
What I realized today is that the root of my confusion (which leads to paranoia and an inability to manage my emotions) is a lack of self esteem/self worth. When I judge myself harshly, or allow other people's opinions of me to infiltrate my mind, it's like I am battling demons. It's like post traumatic stress disorder in that I relive the feeling over and over again of an initial reaction to heart break. Time doesn't dilute any of the pain. If anything, the pain is amplified by some memory that is triggered from out of the blue.
Anyways, I'm going on too long about this so I'm going to sum up my lesson by quoting the Quran:
"And woe unto the disbelievers from an awful doom, a severe torment."
What that means to me is that, not having faith in something that your soul knows to be true (message from God) will cause severe disturbance not just by making the person suffer from confusion or lack of self reliance, but the punishment is self inflicted because we should know better. Someone who doesn't believe something that never seemed to be true wouldn't suffer, but when you have a divine experience and choose not to believe it, you will suffer a worst hell. One minute feels like an eternity when you realize that you are truly remorseful.
