Should I break a wedding tradition?

[Shadow Wolf]

When my best friend has his wedding ceremony in a few months, I am going to be the best man. I know most people doing this would dress up in a tux. I don't plan on doing this. I plan on wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and my trench coat, with my rune master sword neclace out in view. My friend is ok with this, since that is how he knows me. His fiance, and everyone else, thinks doing that would be dumb. Dressing that way is how I dress for a winter ritual, and since a marriage is a ritual to unify two people, I feel it would be better for me to dress that way. So should I dress my way, or go with tradition?

And incase your wondering, if I ever have a wedding, I don't plan on dressing up for that either. In fact, I would make sure the invitations said something like "dress comfortably."

 

[Bastet]

Well, this is a slightly tricky one. While your best friend (and thus the person you're actually standing up for), is ok with what you would like to wear, in the case of weddings the bride is (generally speaking), thinking of it as "her day". So, it comes down to whether you would rather be on speaking terms with the future wife of your best friend, or not. She doesn't like the idea, and could very well blame you for "ruining her wedding" (whether it were true or not). While I am not one to always bow down to convention, in this case I would caution you to think carefully before you decide. The focus of weddings is naturally the bride and groom - if the bride thinks that you are taking the focus of attention away from her (and even the least self-centred person can have these moments where they think they should shine on centre stage), things could be a little nasty down the track. You may think that he's your best mate, and it shouldn't matter what his wife thinks of you, but I can tell you that it matters a lot - she could make things very uncomfortable for you. I'm not going to say "do it" or "don't do it", just think very carefully and weigh all the pros and cons before you decide.

 

[Apotheosis]

I would do what the Bride and Groom prefer, it's their day, so it really shouldnt matter to you what you wear. So I would talk to them, and leave the decision up to them.

 

[Aqualung]

I would say don't. If only you and your buddy think it would be cool, that means ruining that special day for everybody else. And I'm sure your buddy isn't opposed to you dressing "normal." But the bride is opposed to you dressing in your trench coat, etc., so I would say, go with the traditional dress.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

Which wedding tradition? There are so many of them afterall. I agree with the other posters that it's really the bride and groom's day and it wouldn't be too nice to upstage all of that. How are they planing the wedding; a civil cermony, in a church, outside cermony, religious based? Go with the flow..just match the groom's clothes and you should be fine.

If it was your own wedding, do it however you like, nude if you wanted to.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

Mate, if the bride is against it, you're probably dicing with death. Not to mention the fact that she'll be in your mate's ear about how naff the photos are going to look in x years time because the best man is wearing a trench coat and jeans...'You know, he'll be the most noticeable thing in the photo's, don't you? He'll stand out like a sore thumb...it's supposed to be OUR day and our photos are going to end up all about how the best man is non-conformist.'
This eventually turns into,'If he was really a friend, he'd want things to be right for us, not about what he's comfortable in.'
Think carefully...it could end up very ugly.

 

[Katzpur]

When my best friend has his wedding ceremony in a few months, I am going to be the best man. I know most people doing this would dress up in a tux. I don't plan on doing this. I plan on wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and my trench coat, with my rune master sword neclace out in view. My friend is ok with this, since that is how he knows me. His fiance, and everyone else, thinks doing that would be dumb. Dressing that way is how I dress for a winter ritual, and since a marriage is a ritual to unify two people, I feel it would be better for me to dress that way. So should I dress my way, or go with tradition?

And incase your wondering, if I ever have a wedding, I don't plan on dressing up for that either. In fact, I would make sure the invitations said something like "dress comfortably."

Since this one is your friend's wedding and not yours, I'd wear what he wants to see you wear. If he wants you to come dressed like a clown, by all means do so. It would be nice if you could also please his fiancee, but it doesn't appear that this is possible. Personally, I don't find "dressy dress" to be uncomfortable, but I do think there's a time and a place for everything, and I would try to offend the least number of people in the wedding party as possible. But you don't really want my opinion, do you? I mean, isn't the decision already made?

 

[Zephyr]

If it was your own wedding, do it however you like, nude if you wanted to.

I have just decided how I should dress when I get married!

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Is your friend the bride? I'd be sure to check with her, since that's kind of more of the bride's territory, okaying who wears what. (I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying that some women have spent their whole lives planning their wedding.) If she's happy with it, go for it!

 

[Pah]

I would consider that it is not only your friend thst is getting married but his to-be wife. It may be difficult to pay respect to only half a couple.

If the bride's family is hoofing the biil, I would consider it again if the above didn't work. ("Don't bite the hand that feeds ya" - among other sentiments)

But ultimately, it is your and the groom's decision, traditionally

 

[Draka]

If the rest of the wedding is formal then you should be as well. It would make you stick out and it isn't about you...it is about them. If the Bride and her family have a problem with it then I would say definitely "NO". Hold your personal expression for another time..if the groom truly is your friend then he knows you for you without you having to dress your way. Show your respect for his future bride and family by showing how willing you are to please them on the couple's important day.

 

[Katzpur]

If the rest of the wedding is formal then you should be as well. It would make you stick out and it isn't about you...it is about them. If the Bride and her family have a problem with it then I would say definitely "NO". Hold your personal expression for another time..if the groom truly is your friend then he knows you for you without you having to dress your way. Show your respect for his future bride and family by showing how willing you are to please them on the couple's important day.

You are absolutely right!

Luke Wolf -- scratch my initial response. Draka's advice is much better.

 

[Druidus]

Hmm... Talk it over with the bride. See if you can convince her.

In the end, you're going to have to do what you feel is right. Personally, I don't believe in tuxedos, and would not wear one. I go for comfort first, fashion second if at all. At a wedding, however, I would choose semi-formal casual clothing. If I were you, I'd probably go in your trenchcoat, jeans, and whatever else you would wear.

Why? Because that is your form of showing respect. You wear that at a ritual; well, it's perfect at a wedding. Just like if my best man was a south american Amerindian. I wouldn't ask him to come any different than he was. That's his expression of respect. If I had you as my best man, you'd be wearing what you would normally wear as an expression of respect. If that's a trenchcoat, so be it. Differences are what makes life worth living. If you want to add some to my wedding, more power to you.

But remember, you must do what you feel is right. Not me, not your buddy, not your buddy's fiance, not anyone here on RF. It must be you.

 

[Apotheosis]

Hmm, I dont agree with you there Druidus, I would say that you would be showing your respect if you dressed as they asked, and not as you wish. In fact, showing respect is often not about how you show it, but how your "target"(must be a better word, but I cant think of it) shows it. If come from a different land, where we show respect by slapping each other, when I go to meet someone from another land it would be more respectful of me to show respect in their manner, rather than my own. So to put it simply, if you wish to remain friends with this man and his wife, then show your respect by dressing as they wish, not as you do.

 

[Druidus]

I just feel that we need to be more accepting of differences. So what if not every one of the people at a wedding wear the same format of clothing? I'd love to see someone show up in a toga, wearing a turban, with a South American bone nosering, full suit of armour, traditional Greek hoplite uniform, etc. But that's just me. I basically don't care how you dress, though I do love to see something different than normal. But again, it's not my wedding there, and I don't know the bride or the groom. I'm not in that situation, and that's why it's up to Luke.

 

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

I would have to say that if your friend knows you the way you say, then if you do take the stand to wear the traditional wedding attire, don't you think this would make for a much better topic of conversation than if you didn't. I know, as the bride in the wedding, there would be more scrutiny if you chose not to, than if you decided to go out of character.

 

[michel]

Since this one is your friend's wedding and not yours, I'd wear what he wants to see you wear. If he wants you to come dressed like a clown, by all means do so. It would be nice if you could also please his fiancee, but it doesn't appear that this is possible. Personally, I don't find "dressy dress" to be uncomfortable, but I do think there's a time and a place for everything, and I would try to offend the least number of people in the wedding party as possible. But you don't really want my opinion, do you? I mean, isn't the decision already made?

I agree; The day 'belongs' to the Bride and Groom, although in my experience, probably to the two mothers in law .

I don't think you should be concentrating on yourself (I say that in the best possible taste); I personally would wait to be with the two of them, way before the wedding, and ask for their views. You can ask them; the worst is that they might say is 'No' would that be so terrible ?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Thanks for the input. I have been shown sides to this desicion I have not thought of, such as what her family thinks. As far as her family goes, they all hate him, and could care less if he just dissapeared.

Not to mention the fact that she'll be in your mate's ear about how naff the photos are going to look in x years time because the best man is wearing a trench coat and jeans...'You know, he'll be the most noticeable thing in the photo's, don't you? He'll stand out like a sore thumb...it's supposed to be OUR day and our photos are going to end up all about how the best man is non-conformist.'

The funny thing is, I can imagine her saying that, and then he'll reply with some "oh well" type of remark.
Im not doing this to bring attention to myself, allthough I now realize I would draw attention, I was just doing it because its the way I am. Actually, it was a bet. The lactose tolerant (yes, tolerant) bride would not at the time, and still wont, eat cheese of any kind, or even touch it with a 10 foot pole. My and my friend both spit out almost at the same time, "If you don't eat cheese by the time of the time of the wedding, I'll wear my clothes. If you do eat cheese, and you knowingly eat it, then I'll wear a tux."
And whoever it was that asked, as of now, it is planed on being in a Catholic Church. That is just to please her mom.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

So has she ate any cheese yet?

Yea I know it's way late, but what about an update.

 

[ChrisP]

I would say don't. If only you and your buddy think it would be cool, that means ruining that special day for everybody else. And I'm sure your buddy isn't opposed to you dressing "normal." But the bride is opposed to you dressing in your trench coat, etc., so I would say, go with the traditional dress.

I agree with Jethro. It is a winter ritual, but are the celebrants pagan? This is their ritual.

When you get married invite them along and ask them to do it your way