Sexual aspect of a marriage

[dawny0826]

This is to continue a thought I inappropriately posted in the wrong forum (sorry for getting the thread locked :sorry1 about a gay mormon man marrying a woman. Katzpur mentioned something about thinking it surprising that somebody would marry a man they knew was not sexually atracted to them. I think sexual attraction should not be the deciding factor. Obviously these two are compatible in other ways. They probably like similar things, have similar views about raising children, and love each other in most other ways other than sexually. Should a mere sexual attraction be the deciding for whether or not a relationship should move to marriage? I say no, but, then again, I'm not married.

I think of it this way. If I couldn't have sex with my husband...we would still have so much...our friendship...the lives we've built together.

Sex is the phenomenal perk. It's not everything, though.

In fact, I could go without sex but it's difficult for me to be the wife I'm supposed to be if we don't have intellectual conversation or connect emotionally and spiritually.

 

[Ðanisty]

People get married all the time for reasons other than sex. In fact, the best marriages are for reasons other than sex.

That may be true most of the time, but there certainly are a lot of circumstances where sexual attraction was a major factor in marriage. It was for me and we've got a pretty darn good marriage.

I just don't see why it should HANG on sex. People can have a lot together that they can have without sex. Why do people get married in the first place? It (usually) isn't for sex, because most people who get married have already had sex, frequently for the person to whom they are about to marry. If you have a really compatible relationship with somebody, and love and care for them deeply, a sexual attration (or lack thereof) shouldn't be the deciding factor.

As I see it, sex is one of the many components of a marriage. Why get married if all the components aren't there? That applies to sex as much as anything else.

 

[kai]

i think intimate contact such as sex is part of bonding with another, with a long term partner or spouse(i hate that word) it can be almost spiritual

 

[cardero]

Sexual attraction is nice, but not the only reason why one would get married (we'd hope not), because sex is nice, but you can have that out of marriage as well.

I feel sex to be sacred and the idea of being married to someone and not wanting to connect on that level seems... insincere.

I would certainly agree that sex is not the sole reason people should get married, but, at least for me, it would very much be a necessary reason. That is, I would not get married to someone if sex were out of the question, but I also would not get married to someone solely for sex.

i think intimate contact such as sex is part of bonding with another, with a long term partner or spouse(i hate that word) it can be almost spiritual

The point that I am about to make about sex is not extended to the agreements of personal relationships which is why the usernames in the above quotes are absent. The observance that I am about to express is a personal one.
In my years of experience, it seems that sex can fulfill those levels of sincerity in or out of a marriage arrangement. Anyone can fulfill my wife sexually, most likely in different ways that I have not even thought of. I realize this. This feat can be performed easily by either gender. I have known married couples who have had fulfilling sex outside of their marriages and reached that level of bonding that they consider sacred. I have married couples who have experimented with extending their sexual traditions to other people without any physical or psychological effect to their own marriage whatsoever. It happens, I have seen it.

Most married people do not have sex everyday due to conflicting schedules, physical or emotional debilitations or overwhelming responsiblities. If one is lucky to complete the two hour sex ritual in a day, one still has to think about what they are going to do with their partner for the remaining 14 hours that they are vertical and this is where the sacred magic of marriage can be performed and remembered. When it comes to relationships, most bonds are solidly forged and remembered for who you are and not what you can do.

The marriage that I am trying to encourage, is to give my wife something of myself that she cannot find anywhere else. My sense of courtesy, my sense of humor, my sense of responsibility, my sense of caring, my sense of wisdom, my sense of understanding, my sense of reliability and the ability to teach my wife to rely on herself when I am not near. My sense of encouragement, my sense of forgiveness, in all of my available resources, my whole marriage has been a preparation of giving my wife the sense of security, the sense of fulfillment, the sense of my presence to endure long after I am no longer with her. Sex...she can probably get anywhere. Myself...she can only get from me.

 

[evearael]

If one is lucky to complete the two hour sex ritual in a day, one still has to think about what they are going to do with their partner for the remaining 14 hours that they are vertical and this is where the sacred magic of marriage can be performed and remembered. When it comes to relationships, most bonds are solidly forged and remembered for who you are and not what you can do.

What can I say... I demand the whole package. My beloved is an amazing husband and an incredible father. He is intellegent, charismatic, loving, romantic, hilarious, devoted, stable, handsome, chivalrous... I could go on all day. I'm attracted to him intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and so on. For me, sexual attraction is so much more than just the base desire for someone's body... it is entangled with desire for their mind and quality of character. I cannot dissect his many attributes and deem any of them superfluous. I am attracted to my husband as a whole person.

I have known married couples who have had fulfilling sex outside of their marriages and reached that level of bonding that they consider sacred. I have married couples who have experimented with extending their sexual traditions to other people without any physical or psychological effect to their own marriage whatsoever. It happens, I have seen it.

It may happen, I've not seen it. I am strictly monogamous. I cannot understand why someone would try to maintain a marriage while straying, regardless of whether or not it is out in the open. For the companionship? To borrow from cardero (bold type is my modification):
Anyone can fulfill my wife's need for companionship, most likely in different ways that I have not even thought of. I realize this. This feat can be performed easily by either gender. I have known married couples who have had fulfilling friendships outside of their marriages and reached that level of bonding that they consider sacred.
I suppose I fail to see the point of marriage, if not to give your whole self to your beloved. Certainly there are circumstances where sex is simply not possible for medical reasons (physical or mental), etc., and I can respect that, but to dismiss it outright for no other reason than lack of desire just seems to indicate a deeper level of incompatibility.

Myself...she can only get from me.

This is excellent and I couldn't agree more. I share my whole self with my beloved and that includes my sexual side. I don't disregard the importance of or decline to share my friendship with him because he can get friendship elsewhere. So why should I do the same sexually?