Sexual aspect of a marriage

[PetShopBoy88]

This is to continue a thought I inappropriately posted in the wrong forum (sorry for getting the thread locked :sorry1 about a gay mormon man marrying a woman. Katzpur mentioned something about thinking it surprising that somebody would marry a man they knew was not sexually atracted to them. I think sexual attraction should not be the deciding factor. Obviously these two are compatible in other ways. They probably like similar things, have similar views about raising children, and love each other in most other ways other than sexually. Should a mere sexual attraction be the deciding for whether or not a relationship should move to marriage? I say no, but, then again, I'm not married.

 

[Booko]

This is to continue a thought I inappropriately posted in the wrong forum (sorry for getting the thread locked :sorry1 about a gay mormon man marrying a woman. Katzpur mentioned something about thinking it surprising that somebody would marry a man they knew was not sexually atracted to them. I think sexual attraction should not be the deciding factor. Obviously these two are compatible in other ways. They probably like similar things, have similar views about raising children, and love each other in most other ways other than sexually. Should a mere sexual attraction be the deciding for whether or not a relationship should move to marriage? I say no, but, then again, I'm not married.

Not to worry about that other thread, and it's reopened now anyway.

I am married, and have been for over 20 years (same guy too ).

Sex is a very important, but not the only reason, for being married.

While I don't think it should be the deciding factor on its own, it would be naive for a couple to marry without having a very good understanding of the possible stress that might be on that relationship.

I've seen it happen time and again when a woman marries a may figuring the things she doesn't like can be "fixed." Well ladies, that doesn't happen. I have no idea if the woman in this instance somehow thinks she can fix his orientation, but it's possible this applies.

And there are examples of homosexuals who get married, have children, and then just can't stand suppressing what they feel, so there's a potential danger as well.

The bottom line is, any couple thinking of doing this should take great care and try to be as objective as possible.

In this case, the couple is LDS, so I expect they will get more support than they would in other circumstances.

 

[Buttercup]

Should a mere sexual attraction be the deciding for whether or not a relationship should move to marriage? I say no, but, then again, I'm not married.

If you're asking the question in a purely personal sense....it's none of my business why people marry. Maintaining a happy marriage is no easy feat regardless of the reasons for the marriage, even for those of us still madly in love years later. But, I say odds are if a couple marries simply because they have the hots for each other it's not going to work.

If you're asking the question from a legal sense....it's none of my business there either.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't know about that couple, but I do know that I myself would never marry someone who wasn't sexually attracted to me. In my experience, the greatest aphrodisiac is someone's desire for me, and the greatest turn off is someone's lack of desire. So, there would have to be some very compelling tax breaks for me to marry someone who didn't have the hots for me. And she'd have to pay me hug gobs of money and/or frubals for me to stay married to her.

 

[Buttercup]

And she'd have to pay me hug gobs of money and/or frubals for me to stay married to her.

My frubal power is 690 per pop. Do I have a chance with ya?

 

[cardero]

There are many goals and responsibilities that come with marriage and I would rather be married to someone who shared these aspects then to wonder if we would be compatible sexually. In fact I would admit that sex and physical attraction are the last factors on my list of concerns when it comes to considering a marriage partner.

My frubal power is 690 per pop. Do I have a chance with ya?

NOTE: Get on Buttercup's good side
(Ooops..Did I just type this out loud?)

 

[Buttercup]

In fact I would admit that sex and physical attraction are the last factors on my list of concerns when it comes to considering a marriage partner.

I wouldn't place sexual attraction at the end of my list as I think a lasting attraction is important for bonding. Sure it dies down after a couple of years but there needs to be some spark there that continues on for years.

But, what do you think about the notion that it's more important to think along the same lines as your partner? That is, the way you come to decisions or your outlook on most things in general is similar?

A lot of people think having all the same hobbies or interests is a very important item on a compatibility list. I don't. I think it's good to have one or two activities you enjoy doing together but not everything. Seems more important to me that you view life through the same colored glasses....or in the same color family anyway.

 

[Sunstone]

My frubal power is 690 per pop. Do I have a chance with ya?

You forgot to mention that your charm power is even far more impressive than a mere 690 per pop.

 

[Buttercup]

You forgot to mention that your charm power is even far more impressive than a mere 690 per pop.

Sucking up for frubals eh? It may work. But, being female, I have the perogative to change my mind on that you know.

 

[Willamena]

This is to continue a thought I inappropriately posted in the wrong forum (sorry for getting the thread locked :sorry1 about a gay mormon man marrying a woman. Katzpur mentioned something about thinking it surprising that somebody would marry a man they knew was not sexually atracted to them. I think sexual attraction should not be the deciding factor. Obviously these two are compatible in other ways. They probably like similar things, have similar views about raising children, and love each other in most other ways other than sexually. Should a mere sexual attraction be the deciding for whether or not a relationship should move to marriage? I say no, but, then again, I'm not married.

People get married all the time for reasons other than sex. In fact, the best marriages are for reasons other than sex.

 

[Sunstone]

Sucking up for frubals eh? It may work. But, being female, I have the perogative to change my mind on that you know.

Me? Suck up for frubals? Never!

BTW, have I mentioned recently how much I adore and admire you?

 

[PetShopBoy88]

This isn't a thread about frubal power. :-|

 

[Willamena]

This isn't a thread about frubal power. :-|

You're right. Frubals for that.

 

[Buttercup]

This isn't a thread about frubal power. :-|

Sorry, we were just goofing off till you got back and replied to our answers. I did leave two.

Guess that's what happens when a feral chimp posts on the boards.

 

[Sunstone]

This isn't a thread about frubal power. :-|

Of course, you're right! It would be shameless of anyone to indulge in sucking up for frubals in a serious thread.

BTW, Have I told you recently how much I adore and admire you?



Slightly more seriously, for what reason(s) would two people get married if sex wasn't part of the deal? It just doesn't seem to me that marriage makes much sense without the extremely intimate bond created in large part through sex.

 

[PetShopBoy88]

Slightly more seriously, for what reason(s) would two people get married if sex wasn't part of the deal? It just doesn't seem to me that marriage makes much sense without the extremely intimate bond created in large part through sex.

I just don't see why it should HANG on sex. People can have a lot together that they can have without sex. Why do people get married in the first place? It (usually) isn't for sex, because most people who get married have already had sex, frequently for the person to whom they are about to marry. If you have a really compatible relationship with somebody, and love and care for them deeply, a sexual attration (or lack thereof) shouldn't be the deciding factor.

 

[Sunstone]

I just don't see why it should HANG on sex. People can have a lot together that they can have without sex. Why do people get married in the first place? It (usually) isn't for sex, because most people who get married have already had sex, frequently for the person to whom they are about to marry. If you have a really compatible relationship with somebody, and love and care for them deeply, a sexual attration (or lack thereof) shouldn't be the deciding factor.

I would certainly agree that sex is not the sole reason people should get married, but, at least for me, it would very much be a necessary reason. That is, I would not get married to someone if sex were out of the question, but I also would not get married to someone solely for sex.

 

[Bishka]

Sexual attraction is nice, but not the only reason why one would get married (we'd hope not), because sex is nice, but you can have that out of marriage as well.

 

[cardero]

Buttercup writes: I wouldn't place sexual attraction at the end of my list as I think a lasting attraction is important for bonding. Sure it dies down after a couple of years but there needs to be some spark there that continues on for years.

I never put much emphasis on sex, it holds the same fascination for me as eating, going the bathroom, brushing my teeth or bathroom rests. There are deeper ways to bond, ways that penetrate more profoundly and etch unforgettable memories.

Buttercup writes: But, what do you think about the notion that it's more important to think along the same lines as your partner? That is, the way you come to decisions or your outlook on most things in general is similar?

This is what I was referring to. A marriage partner should be able to harmonize with their spouse. Even the simplest examples like keeping a house clean and organized should be realized between both partners

Buttercup writes: A lot of people think having all the same hobbies or interests is a very important item on a compatibility list.

I think different hobbies bring a refreshing break and independence to a marriage. Sort of like the space between words in a sentence.

 

[evearael]

I am happily married and while sexual attraction is not the primary reason I married my husband, I still feel it was a factor. I feel sex to be sacred and the idea of being married to someone and not wanting to connect on that level seems... insincere. The lack of sexual attraction would certainly make wanting a big family rather awkward.