Season of hesitance

[Meow Mix]

(Work in progress, ignore the dumb title, my brain was tired)


Is the summer gone?
It is summer
In the same way we lie awake before slumber
No clock, no sense of time tells the dreamer
Just when they cross the somnolent line.

Look to the garden, soliloquy garden,
So sweet the flowers!
Wilting and drooping down

Look to the trees, to the leaves
Dreadfully lurid
Content now to wither and brown

Look to the end of the pavement
Where the weeds hungrily grow, untended
A world unknown masked behind the brambles of autumn
A girl grows tired of the courtyard.

 

[Meow Mix]

REALLY tired brain. I shouldn't post crap until I get a chance to actually curate what's trash and what's not

 

[Meow Mix]

I’ll probably preserve this alpha run in a comment and update the original post, that last bit is just not at all what I want. But I’m tired.

 

[ChristineM]

Shoui you be working hard on that MS youve worked so hard for?

The poetry is good, emotion, i feel it.

 

[Meow Mix]

Shoui you be working hard on that MS youve worked so hard for?

The poetry is good, emotion, i feel it.

I’ve just been in school so long that I don’t know what I’m going to do when classes are over. I’ll still have my PhD, but not going to class…? That’s hard for me to process, it’s spooky, and I want to capture that better than this

 

[Meow Mix]

I’m tired enough that I almost had a sequence:

“I’ll show you fear with a handful of leaves”

and it felt so good, and right, and then I was like damn it Erin, no. That’s TS Eliot:

“I’ll show you fear in a handful of dust.”

And I think I derailed myself from there.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

Perfectionism can be a female dog huh?

 

[Brickjectivity]

Here's a re-write with small changes, maybe some you will like, some not:

Is the summer gone?
It is summer
In the same way we lie awake before slumber
No clock, no sense of time tells the dreamer
Just when they cross the somnolent line.

Look to the garden, soliloquy grove,
So sweet the flowers!
Wilting droop down

Look to the tree, to the leaf
Dreadfully lurid
Content now to wither and brown

Look to the end of the paved meant
Where the weeds grungy grow, unended
A world unknown masked behind the brambles of autumn
A girl grows tired of the courtyard.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

I’m tired enough that I almost had a sequence:

“I’ll show you fear with a handful of leaves”

and it felt so good, and right, and then I was like damn it Erin, no. That’s TS Eliot:

“I’ll show you fear in a handful of dust.”

And I think I derailed myself from there.

It's no less good for having been used before, and as I said in another post, I always recommend editing...you start with what come out--that's the beauty and mystery of creation--and then the work of making really hold what you mean starts...