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Polyamory

The Hammer

[REDACTED]
Premium Member
Does it work?

Can clear communication and the establishment of boundaries lead to successful relationships of the polygamous variety?

Or is it a hippie pipe dream of Love for All.

 

Guitar's Cry

Disciple of Pan
My partner and I have been polyamorous for most of our over 20 year relationship to varying degrees. We've both had other relationships of varying intensities, but we've managed these while maintaining a strong relationship together primarily though open communication and boundaries, though I think it also really helps that we are really chill with each other and are able to manage jealousies really well. Neither of us has had a real relationship outside our marriage for a couple of years, though I've had some play partners and my partner is currently working on developing something with a crush.
 

Orbit

I'm a planet
Does it work?

Can clear communication and the establishment of boundaries lead to successful relationships of the polygamous variety?

Or is it a hippie pipe dream of Love for All.


I'm 58 and in my life experience observing others do this, it always ends in tears. YMMV
 

ADigitalArtist

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
It can work, but it's difficult. Compounding all the normal interpersonal difficulties in relationships to new participants. And I've found that often, but not always, more successful when entering a relationship with polyamory in mind, not opening a monogamous relationship to polyamory which always seems to be heavily steeped in one party wanting it more than the other. Leads to jealousy, feelings of neglect, betrayal, etc.

It requires positively *expert* communication, in my experience. With ability and desire of all parties to participate in said communication. And not just communicating wants, but communicating boundaries, expectations, emotional availability, etc.
 

Guitar's Cry

Disciple of Pan
It can work, but it's difficult. Compounding all the normal interpersonal difficulties in relationships to new participants. And I've found that often, but not always, more successful when entering a relationship with polyamory in mind, not opening a monogamous relationship to polyamory which always seems to be heavily steeped in one party wanting it more than the other. Leads to jealousy, feelings of neglect, betrayal, etc.

It requires positively *expert* communication, in my experience. With ability and desire of all parties to participate in said communication. And not just communicating wants, but communicating boundaries, expectations, emotional availability, etc.

I've found much of this to be true as well, with one exception. My partner and I did start out as monogamous, and going to non-monogamy did take time. Much of it happened kind of organically, from open and honest communication about our feelings.

It is certainly not for everyone when the prevailing standard is monogamy. And as you said, when you add another person into the relationship dynamics, it is only intensifying the normal challenges of a relationship.
 

Guitar's Cry

Disciple of Pan
I never thought I'd be able to "love" more than one person but unfortunately, I'm torn and everything hurts. :(


Our culture has us convinced that romantic love is limited to two people, which I feel is unrealistic. This means that people are unprepared for or have the tools to manage when monogamy doesn't work out. Without knowing your situation, I would say tread carefully, research ethical non-monogamy, and try to keep expectations realistic with loads of empathy for the people involved.

(Big H.I.M. fan, btw!)
 

Soandso

Well-Known Member
I've never seen anyone in person do this, and have only heard about it from second or third hand sources. It wouldn't be for me. I'm very much a monogamous person

If other people can make it work, more power to em. I imagine openness and honesty would be key in making something like that work
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
It would probably vary greatly from person to person, couple to couple. For some, absolutely not. For others, sure. I imagine both parties would have to be on board(and genuinely so, not one just going along to get along). I personally couldn't do it; it seems like a lot of work, and I don't think I could happily share someone's affections.

I've only seen one instance of it personally(meaning, in real life and not folks talking online), and it didn't work. It was a 'triangle', and there was even a marriage of the three(non legal), but it didn't work long term because there was a lot of dishonesty about feelings and motives involved. It seems honesty on all sides matters a lot in these things.
 

Heyo

Veteran Member
Does it work?

Can clear communication and the establishment of boundaries lead to successful relationships of the polygamous variety?

Or is it a hippie pipe dream of Love for All.

Polyamory is wrong.

You don't mix Greek prefixes with Latin sufixes. It's either multiamory or polyphily.
 

Heyo

Veteran Member
I've never seen anyone in person do this, and have only heard about it from second or third hand sources. It wouldn't be for me. I'm very much a monogamous person

If other people can make it work, more power to em. I imagine openness and honesty would be key in making something like that work
I know a few people in polyamorous as well as open relationships. (The debate isn't over whether those are different things.)
 

blü 2

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Does it work?

Can clear communication and the establishment of boundaries lead to successful relationships of the polygamous variety?

Or is it a hippie pipe dream of Love for All.

Before I married, I had couple of relationships that are of happy memory. When I married, it didn't subsequently occur to me or to my wife to go adventuring, and we didn't; and we survived the usual stressful times that happen, I dare say, to us all.

Two good friends of mine in those days married declaring they had an open relationship. It didn't in fact work out; it fell flat on its rather naive face, I thought at the time. Now they're each still friends of mine, and of each other ─ she's godmother to his two daughters ─ but in their respective settled arrangements and in different cities.

On the other hand, I do have a polyamorous friend who changed gender surgically ─ I wince to think about it ─ but is, I'm assured, happy in their present situation. We're geographically distant, so don't catch up these days as once we did. I confess not so much to skepticism as to apprehension on my friend's behalf, and will be happy if I'm wrong.
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
Does it work?

Can clear communication and the establishment of boundaries lead to successful relationships of the polygamous variety?

Or is it a hippie pipe dream of Love for All.


It can work though it takes a certain mindset, a total lack of jealousy, clear and honest communication by all parties.

PM me if you want my experience.or much of it can be found on eros.

It requires positively *expert* communication, in my experience. With ability and desire of all parties to participate in said communication. And not just communicating wants, but communicating boundaries, expectations, emotional availability, etc.
^^^THIS^^^
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
I think I'd be more likely to go with nullamory than polyamory were I forced away from monogomy.

My wife and I have been together 27 years or so. It hasn't all been beer and skittles, and a couple of times it got somewhat close to ending. Add any sort of additional complication to that...yeah, nah...

Not a judgement on those who can make it work, though.
 

Patrick66

Member
As a faithful Christian I believe it's possible that everyone will be polyamorous in Heaven. :)

Luke 20:34
Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage.
 

Patrick66

Member
Proverbs 5:18-19 English Standard Version 2016 (ESV)
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
 
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