Alright i will quickly summarize my life and then get right to it and please dont critisize my spelling or grammar.. im typing this quickly
a boy who went from house to house school to school never seemed to fit into the right 'clique' spending time on the computer playing games living in a fantasy world of games and question.
now i am going to college and i question my whole life ahead of me, i love God. but i feel if i continue to further my education in the field im going in (computer & information technology at purdue)i will push myself from him, involving myself with work too much to not bother with beliefe anymore. But there is a part of me that wants to be a 'monk' like person, i never talk, and i find pros and cons of both. I take too much consideration of what others think of me instead of what i think would make me happy for my earth life. i think i need someone elses help or suggestions to what others would do in my situation. ive been looking for 'monastery'-like places to maybe become a monk. oh and to make matters worse im afraid to do anything because of my family might think of me, i dont know if this will always be in my mind or should i do something extravagant and just move somewhere i can believe in God and do my own thing. Again taking other peoples thoughts into consideration playing a role in life, maybe being ashamed of my decisions or having others look down on me after so long of people expecting a 'good' future out of me. a part of me wants to go to school to please my family and to have a good life for myself, but is it worth risking my beliefs as a person, or should i go with my gut instinct and search for somewhere i can be at peace with God, on earth.
I know this seemed pretty long but i kind of need help..
a boy who went from house to house school to school never seemed to fit into the right 'clique' spending time on the computer playing games living in a fantasy world of games and question.
now i am going to college and i question my whole life ahead of me, i love God. but i feel if i continue to further my education in the field im going in (computer & information technology at purdue)i will push myself from him, involving myself with work too much to not bother with beliefe anymore. But there is a part of me that wants to be a 'monk' like person, i never talk, and i find pros and cons of both. I take too much consideration of what others think of me instead of what i think would make me happy for my earth life. i think i need someone elses help or suggestions to what others would do in my situation. ive been looking for 'monastery'-like places to maybe become a monk. oh and to make matters worse im afraid to do anything because of my family might think of me, i dont know if this will always be in my mind or should i do something extravagant and just move somewhere i can believe in God and do my own thing. Again taking other peoples thoughts into consideration playing a role in life, maybe being ashamed of my decisions or having others look down on me after so long of people expecting a 'good' future out of me. a part of me wants to go to school to please my family and to have a good life for myself, but is it worth risking my beliefs as a person, or should i go with my gut instinct and search for somewhere i can be at peace with God, on earth.
I know this seemed pretty long but i kind of need help..