My Oh My

[mimidotcom]

this is like.. irritating. i have it set in my mind that i am going to surrender.. going to listen to my heart. Jesus lives there. well he used to.. and i kicked him out. but i've opened the door and invited im back in.. for to have a talk with him, but im feeling uninspired and unmotivated to conversate personally with God as i did when i was eager for the holy spirit. i do feeeel as though i want God back in my life. Not as my master but as my friend. then i come back to this forum to share what i've been feeling. and as i start to read the posts, im soo discouraged.. all the stuff that i told myself-- that i convinced myself of... god is make believe.. religion is a man-made instrument of control.. satan and the demons are actually aliens.. as are the angels-- is still so ripe in my brain. it still makes so much sense. i dont want to fight it anymore. it's wearing me out. and because no body actually KNOWS what the reality is.. i feel it conducive to my health and well-being that i surender to what i know made me feel complete and at peace..

or.. is this the cycle of my life?

why do i keep coming back when i feel i have due cause to walk away?

why do i keep doing this to myself? back and forth back and forth.. a miracle would do nicely right about now .. grrrrrr .. lol

im still in a state of confusion..but seeing some light.. your prayers and/or advice would be appreciated!!


i hate to sound like im already defeated.. but i've been here before.. many times. i've been standing with one foot in and the other foot raised.. and then my mind convinces me how silly the idea of religion is and i walk out backwards.. wanting to stay.. but needing to leave. yes.. needing. i can no longer convince myself that Jesus is REAL. i only know that i want what i felt when i felt he was with me. and i want that feeling back. the peace. the satisfaction. the joy.

what am i fighting against? what is keeping me away? other than satan ..

i come back here.. and im torn again.. i believe i was trying unsuccessfully to just forget everything i had posted here lol. it made perfect sense. but when i am quiet in my mind.. so does Jesus. MY OH MY!!!!!!!

i need guidence.. sorry to be all over the place.. and no response is expected LOLOL

 

[Beta]

i need guidence.. sorry to be all over the place.. and no response is expected LOLOL

Not sure anyone can help you friend. Are you serious or just having fun ? Seems you were close to God/Jesus once and not so serious about them . Why don't you ask them for help ? They know your heart and will act accordingly. God takes our commitment to him serious.

 

[Just_me_Mike]

You may have to accept the fact, that maybe God was not with you when you thought he was, and what you are looking for now is to go back to a place where you thought God was with you, but you can't find that place now, because God wants to take you to a different place.

 

[mimidotcom]

You may have to accept the fact, that maybe God was not with you when you thought he was, and what you are looking for now is to go back to a place where you thought God was with you, but you can't find that place now, because God wants to take you to a different place.

i think for now.. i will be still and listen for Him to speak to me.. and yes.. im very sure God wants to take me in a different direction than i was heading before (when i had him with me).. and i do question whether he was with me to begin with.. i was saved.. but how committed was i? how often did i SEEK him out? or was i just blindly being led by the christians around me. good food for thought.. thank you for all the well wishes!! we are all on a journey.. and i hope each of you are satisfied with what you may find!!!

no. im not playing around.. i go in circles in my brain.. thinking too hard.. feeling too much. that is one of the things i wish to change. i need to be still for a moment.
it may appear that im playing around because im so confused.. but as i said.. im seeing some light.. and i will go in that direction until i feel moved to go elsewhere.

 

[mimidotcom]

Not sure anyone can help you friend. Are you serious or just having fun ? Seems you were close to God/Jesus once and not so serious about them . Why don't you ask them for help ? They know your heart and will act accordingly. God takes our commitment to him serious.

not having fun. i am serious. i was at one time close with what i understood to be God.. but i believe i received a warped version. this time.. i will seek him first and ask him for guidence before i start letting my mind lead me all over the map. thank you for your advice..

 

[Just_me_Mike]

i think for now.. i will be still and listen for Him to speak to me.. and yes.. im very sure God wants to take me in a different direction than i was heading before (when i had him with me).. and i do question whether he was with me to begin with.. i was saved.. but how committed was i? how often did i SEEK him out? or was i just blindly being led by the christians around me.

Give this a try www.familyradio.com everything is free, and they have (to me) great literature that changed my life. Click on th eliterature section and read some stuff, then compare it to the bible.
I don't donate to them or anything, but found it a place to find answers when all else failed me.

 

[Green Kepi]

not having fun. i am serious. i was at one time close with what i understood to be God.. but i believe i received a warped version. this time.. i will seek him first and ask him for guidence before i start letting my mind lead me all over the map. thank you for your advice..

If you don't think that you can make it...everything is going wrong & you just don't think you can ever get to Heaven...please read John 16:33. "I have told you these things, so that 'in Me' you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (In other words, He's saying... "Look...I have cleared the way for you"."

This was Jesus speaking...He is saying, only in Him will you ever find true peace. Matt. 28:20 - "I am with you always". All you need to do is follow His Plan of Salvation...not what some group or man says is the way. There is not a bunch of ways. Once you do that...you will have that "peace that surpasses all understanding".
Phil. 4:7....

 

[Kathryn]

God's promises are real. One thing He promises is that if you truly seek wisdom from Him, He will guide you to it.

But God isn't a vending machine, here to cater to your whims and demands. BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD is what He says, and what we should do. Quiet your mind and still your heart. In God's time, and at the perfect time, He will guide you. But you need to submit to HIS timing and HIS will rather than make demands that He submit to YOUR timing and will.

That's what faith is - believing even when you don't FEEL it.

If faith always felt good, it wouldn't be faith - it would be just doing something that felt good all the time. Where is the growth in that? That would only make us weaker.

I've been to the point in my life when I felt like I hated God - when I literally shook my fist in His face and screamed at Him, when I felt utterly forsaken by Him.

I can promise you this - He had not forsaken me. I had just lost my way for a bit.

Keep the faith. And don't listen too much to bitter, disillusioned people. It's hard to hear God through a cacophany of shrill voices.

 

[Beta]

not having fun. i am serious. i was at one time close with what i understood to be God.. but i believe i received a warped version. this time.. i will seek him first and ask him for guidence before i start letting my mind lead me all over the map. thank you for your advice..

I see it has been some time since we communicated - are you still there or .....?
After having had time to think you may feel better and stronger.
Possibly the reason for your previous failures had something to do with your 'emotions' rather than your 'mind'.
So many people are over-emotional about Jesus asking him into their heart when scripture actually favours our MIND.
There are scriptures that describe the human heart as desparately wicked and deceitful (unstable) but other scriptures tell us to ' renew our mind ' (gain godly knowledge). Perhaps that is what we should concentrate on ???

 

[mimidotcom]

thank you beta.. you are absolutely right.

all of your posts have been helpful in one way or another.. and i very much appreciate it.. i've been gone again for a while. hope to stay and communicate with some educated grown ups lol

 

[kecl]

I too, feel similar to you. Sorry I am late responding - I just recently joined.

I felt some connection at one point in my younger life until doubt started to come into my mind. Of course it didn't help that I was raised in a non-religious household where religion took the wayy-back seat.

I am trying to discover myself again. I want to believe, but I still have much doubt. I, too, feel as if I am at the door, wanting to walk in, but also being held back. I do hope that you (and I) find what we are looking for - whatever guidance and path that may be. Some things in my life have brought me to this point faster than ever before and I'm worried that from here it could go in either direction. It is difficult to surrender yourself to try to listen...

I am not as educated on this subject as others, however, I am curious if by learning the faith things will start to fall into place, or if the realization will just happen at some point in your life?

 

[Beta]

Hi . it has been some 18 months since the OP was posted and as you can see has suffered shipwreck after only a few replies.
I'm not sure who's post you are replying to friend but as I am still around you may take up communicating with me ???

 

[stlekee]

Maybe something like, 'God, help me believe and trust God.' Everyone has doubts, take them to God, he already knows. Yopu don't have to be perfect in your faith.

 

[Beta]

Yes it's always a good idea to ask God for his help. But we must also be prepared to sometimes have to wait...and wait....
Patience and longsuffering are not man's strong points and many fail before they hardly get started.
I think the secret is that we also DO OUR PART and not just sit back and expect. Read scripture and focus specially on those points applying to your own situation. God speaks to us through His Word even if not always through other people .

 

[ButTheCatCameBack]

Join the darkside! We have cake!

 

[michel]

Been there, done that; in a way, believing in God makes one's sins worse than they would be if you didn't believe in God.

How's that for a kick in the teeth?

 

[Beta]

Been there, done that; in a way, believing in God makes one's sins worse than they would be if you didn't believe in God.
How's that for a kick in the teeth?

That is the whole point !!!
Man(kind) must become aware of their sins and the damage they cause ourself and others. If we are not fully aware of them we could not repent of them and ask Gods forgiveness and help not to do them again.

 

[ButTheCatCameBack]

Been there, done that; in a way, believing in God makes one's sins worse than they would be if you didn't believe in God.

How's that for a kick in the teeth?

It makes you a loser and no one likes you!!!!! /...j/k We all struggle in our lives save for the very lucky.