But if they weren't psychosis and were real, how could I know for sure?
You can't know for sure. Which in itself is no issue really. We can't be sure about anything. Gravity might stop working tomorrow and we can throw all our theories out the window.
But what we can do, is compare the likelihood of that happening with it not happening. So for instance, gravity to the best of our knowledge, have existed for as long as the Universe, we have no evidence pointing towards it not being the case. Therefore the chances that gravity will suddenly stop working tomorrow is extremely unlikely, to the point where we can say that gravity is a fact and anyone choosing to seriously consider the idea of it stopping to work, is being irrational. Doesn't change the fact, that we can't know for certain, but choosing to live one's life as if it is a possibility is a waste of time.
In your case, you can look at the amount of people and media stories telling about people, that are being "stalked" by the government in your country? And my guess is, that this number will be insanely low, and even if you should find one. You will quickly be able to see, that the reason these people were investigated, have nothing that can even be remotely comparable to your life.
Don't just go on a rampage and read random stories on the internet about people claiming they are being stalked. But actual cases, which have been in the reliable newspapers or TV etc.
Next you could ask yourself, what exact reason should the government have in stalking you? What have you done that would interest them?
Look at a person like Snowden, who share classified information, have you done anything even remotely comparable to that?
Then look at the number of normal people, which you constantly hear about, that are being busted for tax violations, cheating with companies or whatever they do. What makes you think that the government would care about you, when there are so many more people that would be a lot more interesting to pursue?
Remember the huge economic crash, do you think governments are more interested in bankers and people in finances and them cheating, or you as a standard person?
So adding all this together, the government sending a whole group of spies to spy on you? sending drunk people with cryptic messages? Golden beetles?
For what? Let's assume for 1 second that it is true, and we assume they caught you, what secret information, national security data or whatever you believe they could be after, would be of any interest to them? My guess is nothing
As with the gravity example above, we can do the same with your story.
How likely is it that the government would spend all these ressources on you for no important informations, compared to them not doing it? And my guess is that it is as likely as gravity is the same tomorrow as the government are not stalking you.
I believe Madaba was behind some of the strange things that happened, I believe he was there from the very beginning but just chose not to make himself known
But that makes no sense. If you think about it.
The drunk person that you and your roommates threw out, they would be able verify existed as a human being. The various connections you made, were you yourself, according to your story that made them up. Not Madaba. Your friends would also have been able to verify the golden beetle suddenly popping into existences, but as i said, they didn't react to it at all, which is rather strange right? If I were playing pool with my friends and a golden beetle suddenly appeared, we would instantly react to it, and not care about some eyelashes.
Also you sounded quite depressed throughout most of the story, which could also help explain, why you have a rough time.
What you are dealing with, from my understanding is not something that is easy to handle. Because it goes on in your head, so the experience can't be share with others and therefore you can't really verify it on your own. You need to put trust in someone else, which can help you verify this for you. And I mean complete trust. Like your mother or your best friend or someone you know you can trust unconditionally.
The reason for this, is because, for instance the golden beetle, if it actually existed, your friends could verify it. But they can't verify what is going on inside your mind.
So if you have a person you can trust and assuming that person were with you when you played pool, you could easily ask them about the beetle, and if they say "There were no beetle", then that is your best chance of figuring out what is true and what is not. But it does require you to trust someone, more than you trust yourself, in these situations where you are in doubt or something seems strange to you.
I think "the Holy Spirit did it" is more likely than "The intelligence services did it"
Im sorry but it is not
And this is why critical thinking and skepticism is so important!!! Because you will draw wrong conclusion if you don't do it well.
In fact the intelligence service is more likely, despite what I wrote above, that it is as likely to be true as that of gravity stops to work tomorrow is. The reason being, that we know an intelligence service exist. There have been
zero evidence or demonstration of a holy spirit. You won't be able to find a single person on Earth that can present any good evidence for the holy spirit. Let me stress it,
NOT A SINGLE PERSON!!!
It is purely based on faith, which again is only needed when you have no knowledge.
I don't know if my conclusions are right or wrong
I am in two minds about it all
That's what life is like for me
Again, my best advice is to talk to a psychologist and really put a lot of effort into learning all about critical thinking and skepticism, what exactly does it mean and how do you do it well. And then put complete trust into someone you know well, like your mother or a good friend, that you would trust your life with, and let them help you in situations where you are in doubt about what is true and what is not.