Jokes

[onmybelief]

LESSON TO BE LEARNED FROM TYPING THE WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS.

A MINNEAPOLIS COUPLE DECIDED TO GO TO FLORIDA TO THAW OUT DURING A PARTICULARLY ICY WINTER.
THEY PLANNED TO STAY AT THE SAME HOTEL WHERE THEY SPENT THEIR HONEYMOON 20 YEARS EARLIER.
BECAUSE OF HECTIC SCHEDULES, IT WAS DIFFICULT TO COORDINATE THEIR TRAVEL SCHEDULES. SO, THE HUSBAND LEFT MINNESOTA AND FLEW TO FLORIDA ON THURSDAY, WITH HIS WIFE FLYING DOWN THE FOLLOWING DAY.
THE HUSBAND CHECKED INTO THE HOTEL. THERE WAS A COMPUTER IN HIS ROOM, SO HE DECIDED TO SEND AN E-MAIL TO HIS WIFE. HOWEVER, HE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT OUT ONE LETTER IN HER EMAIL ADDRESS, AND WITHOUT REALIZING HIS ERROR, SENT THE EMAIL.

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN HOUSTON, A WIDOW HAD JUST RETURNED HOME FROM HER HUSBAND'S FUNERAL. HE WAS A MINISTER WHO WAS CALLED HOME TO GLORY FOLLOWING A HEART ATTACK. THE WIDOW DECIDED TO CHECK HER E-MAIL EXPECTING MESSAGES FROM RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.
AFTER READING THE FIRST MESSAGE, SHE SCREAMED AND FAINTED. THE WIDOW'S SON RUSHED INTO THE ROOM, FOUND HIS MOTHER ON THE FLOOR, AND SAW THE COMPUTER SCREEN WHICH READ:


TO: MY LOVING WIFE
SUBJECT: I'VE ARRIVED
DATE: DECEMBER 16, 2005

I KNOW YOU'RE SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM ME. THEY HAVE COMPUTERS HERE NOW AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SEND E-MAILS TO YOUR LOVED ONES. I'VE JUST ARRIVED AND HAVE BEEN CHECKED IN. I SEE THAT EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU THEN. HOPE
YOUR JOURNEY IS AS UNEVENTFUL AS MINE WAS.

P.S. SURE IS FREAKING HOT DOWN HERE!!!!!



A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community.
All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home,
but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he
took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the
collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening
his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will
dine with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was
afraid, because I was naked."

 

[Engyo]

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ...... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband ....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and are faithful.



The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, are faithful, and love kids.



The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, are faithful, love kids, and are extremely good looking.



"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.



She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, are faithful, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.



"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, are faithful, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.



She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,363,012 to this floor.



There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!