Interfaith/ Inter Culture marriages.

[michel]

What are your views on this ? Is there going to be an obvious "strain" on marriages between couples whose faith is different from one another ?

Is the same going to happen to couples from different cultures ? How separated/together are religion and culture ?

Would you/have you marry/ied someone from a totally different background from yours?

 

[jeffrey]

My wife was Pagan, I was Christian. She tried Christianity, and together we discovered ourselves and a middle ground for religion. It has brought us closer by understanding each other's beliefs. If you go into any relationship with the attitude "I'm right, your wrong", it will strain it. Relatives can be a big strain, but your love for each other MUST come 1st.

 

[Sunstone]

My ex "long term committed significant other" (Tomoko, for short) was Japanese. I learned a lot about Shinto from her. Much more than I could have ever learned from doing coursework in it, or from reading about it, because Shinto is more of a daily practice than an ideology. In fact, there is almost no ideology at all in Shinto.

I found Shinto fit in very nicely with my own respect, perhaps reverence, for nature. There was very little conflict between the daily practice and how I felt and approached nature.

My ex wife was Czech. I used to joke that my way of traveling was to marry people from abroad.

 

[ChrisP]

It's an approach thing. If one anothers faith's mutually breed understanding as in Jeff's case then where can the harm be? Both individuals understanding could be strengthened hand in hand! At the end of the day, human beings want one thing which can come in many forms.

Understanding, we want to be understood and we want to understand why we are what we are. Perhaps when the words come more can be added to this, but it takes a while

 

[michel]

My ex "long term committed significant other" (Tomoko, for short) was Japanese. I learned a lot about Shinto from her. Much more than I could have ever learned from doing coursework in it, or from reading about it, because Shinto is more of a daily practice than an ideology. In fact, there is almost no ideology at all in Shinto.

I found Shinto fit in very nicely with my own respect, perhaps reverence, for nature. There was very little conflict between the daily practice and how I felt and approached nature.

My ex wife was Czech. I used to joke that my way of traveling was to marry people from abroad.

Did you find that the Japanese Culture played a major role in Tomoko's character? For example, I married into the "Spanish Culture", and I have found it hard to adjust between what I have grown into expecting, and what she has (family relationships etc)

 

[Sunstone]

Did you find that the Japanese Culture played a major role in Tomoko's character?

The short answer is, "yes". The long answer would take a book.

But I also found much commonality between us, despite the cultural differences.

 

[michel]

The short answer is, "yes". The long answer would take a book.

But I also found much commonality between us, despite the cultural differences.

Commonality I understand completely, but in my experience that has never (with me) worked over a long period of time.

I had an Iranian G/F for 18 months or so, and whilst the relationship (which admitedley was far too one-sided) worked on the surface, I knew we could never 'meet half way'. I also had a G/F who was a Quaker; that alone brought up difficulties in our relationship, although, to be fair, it was more from a perspective of her parents who were incredibly 'strange'(no because of their faith, just because they were 'just plain wierd').

I came to the point when I realized that her mother was thinking about organizing a wedding I had no idea I had proposed for.

Maybe that was the odd can of Fanta too much.............

 

[ChrisP]

I came to the point when I realized that her mother was thinking about organizing a wedding I had no idea I had proposed for.

wow, that's run for the hills material Michel!

 

[Zephyr]

My ex (now just very very close friend) is Iranian, and it's never been a problem. We both agree on many religious views (both of us are kinda big on taking up your ancestral faith), and the culture differences have never been too big. Sure, her dad and brother kind of hate me, but I think they're beginning to get used to me.

So, while there are some things neither of us can really understand about eachother, the positives outweigh the negatives by a lot.

 

[Sunstone]

Commonality I understand completely, but in my experience that has never (with me) worked over a long period of time.

I had an Iranian G/F for 18 months or so, and whilst the relationship (which admitedley was far too one-sided) worked on the surface, I knew we could never 'meet half way'. I also had a G/F who was a Quaker; that alone brought up difficulties in our relationship, although, to be fair, it was more from a perspective of her parents who were incredibly 'strange'(no because of their faith, just because they were 'just plain wierd').

I came to the point when I realized that her mother was thinking about organizing a wedding I had no idea I had proposed for.

Maybe that was the odd can of Fanta too much.............

I recall there were a lot of communication problems between Tomoko and me at first. Not just across the male/female divide, but across the Japanese/American divide. For instance, I was at first unaware of how reluctant Japanese women typically are to directly say anything to their man that could even remotely be taken as a criticism of him.

Oddly enough, what helped me the most to communicate with Tomoko across the Japanese/American divide was, of all things, a book for business travellers to Japan. Can't remember the title anymore, but the book had so many practical tips and clear explanations of why they were good tips that it helped me more than my readings in Japanese anthropology, history, and culture.

 

[Buttercup]

What are your views on this ? Is there going to be an obvious "strain" on marriages between couples whose faith is different from one another ?

It depends on how fervent each person is in their faith. If you had a very strong Catholic (someone who attends mass regularly, goes to confession, takes communion, etc.) paired with a commited and practicing Muslim...I can't see it working. If fact, I can't imagine the relationship getting to the point of marriage proposal, although I'm sure it's happened.

The times I personally have seen interfaith marriages work is if one of the partners is not very religiously inclined in the first place, or is open to that avenue. Or, if neither partner is terribly orthodox in their practices. I have known two couples where one partner was Catholic, the other Jewish. They were perfectly happy together and allowed each other to follow their faith freely. But then, neither couple atteded services or practiced their faith very conservatively either.

Would you/have you marry/ied someone from a totally different background from yours?

I hate to say no right off......it would depend. If I was madly in love and couldn't do without him, I could see myself giving it a go.

 

[dawny0826]

What are your views on this ? Is there going to be an obvious "strain" on marriages between couples whose faith is different from one another ?

I really think it depends in the individuals involved and what their particular religious beliefs are.

My Mom is a devout Christian and my father is not and there has always been strain within their marriage not exclusively due to the clash in religious beliefs and spirituality but it does play a factor.

My mother's faith is deeply important to her and my father cannot connect with her at all over something that means so much to her.

I can relate within my own marriage. My husband's lack of zeal for religion and spirituality makes it hard for us to see eye to eye and to understand each other when we're dealing with certain issues within our marriage.

On the flipside...I'm sure there are many couples who can influence each other positively with the mix of beliefs.

Is the same going to happen to couples from different cultures ? How separated/together are religion and culture ?

In my personal circumstances, this isn't much of an issue...as my husband is from similar cultural background and we're both American.

Would you/have you marry/ied someone from a totally different background from yours?

Absolutely. The first woman and man that I fell in love with were BOTH atheists and there was was a time in my life where I would have totally vowed to spend my life with them. (Separately, of course. )