Spiderman
Veteran Member
How close are you to despair, or perhaps you are there? (hey that rhymes )
I'm just really a compassionate person in my natural sober state and when I realize how I have hurt people when outside that state, I get very crushed and unable to really function much or consistently to take on the responsibilities that most people can.
It isn't just how I hurt people that bothers me to the point it's hard to function. It is being aware of the agony and fear and desperation so much of the world is in that leaves me demoralized and without much hope.
A lady recovering from alcoholism shared a medal she was wearing that was her brother's thumbprint always near her heart. He drank himself to death.
I told her he is with her and they will meet again. That was today.
Oddly enough, ridiculous coincidences keep reminding me something supernatural is at work in my life. Yesterday I picked up an old notebook and the last thing I underlined was "biochemical weapons...a laughing gas attack on the forces of hell...anesthetize them with hysterical laughter".
Then after underlining that, at the Nancy Page Crises residents, staff said "everyone evacuate, we have an emergency. We have to find out where that gas is coming from".
The smell of gas filled the downstairs. The firemen showed up. It was piolet light dysfunction.
I returned to my open journal and the last thing I underlined was "laughing gas attacks".
It doesn't solve any of my problems lol but it brought me out of despair for a time because enough stuff like that happens in my life that I know it's more than coincidence.
I'm just really a compassionate person in my natural sober state and when I realize how I have hurt people when outside that state, I get very crushed and unable to really function much or consistently to take on the responsibilities that most people can.
It isn't just how I hurt people that bothers me to the point it's hard to function. It is being aware of the agony and fear and desperation so much of the world is in that leaves me demoralized and without much hope.
A lady recovering from alcoholism shared a medal she was wearing that was her brother's thumbprint always near her heart. He drank himself to death.
I told her he is with her and they will meet again. That was today.
Oddly enough, ridiculous coincidences keep reminding me something supernatural is at work in my life. Yesterday I picked up an old notebook and the last thing I underlined was "biochemical weapons...a laughing gas attack on the forces of hell...anesthetize them with hysterical laughter".
Then after underlining that, at the Nancy Page Crises residents, staff said "everyone evacuate, we have an emergency. We have to find out where that gas is coming from".
The smell of gas filled the downstairs. The firemen showed up. It was piolet light dysfunction.
I returned to my open journal and the last thing I underlined was "laughing gas attacks".
It doesn't solve any of my problems lol but it brought me out of despair for a time because enough stuff like that happens in my life that I know it's more than coincidence.