ayani, I have to be direct here, but: you and your fellow religionists have swallowed a lie. A pernicious lie. There could be nothing more twisted than to have taken in the notion that ANYONE deserves hell, let alone every person for just being born human.
Christianity operates like any con man, or the typical abusive boy friend or husband. It sells you the disease in order to sell you the cure. Many people wonder why so many woman stay with abusive partners. It just doesn't seem reasonable. Why not "just leave?"
Well, because there are powerful psychological tricks at play. Very often the woman has been convinced (usually by the abuser) that she is worthless. Undeserving. Undeserving of anyone's love and attention but..."Even though you're a miserable wretch and don't deserve it, you have me: I'll love you, even though you don't deserve it. I'm your only hope, so you have to stay with me if you want forgiveness and love!"
Similar techniques are used by cults: the cult leader "puts the followers in their place," gives some ridiculous story about how if they don't kiss up to him they are doomed, and offers them "love" in return.
It's obvious to any outside observer that the abused woman and the cult devotee ought to escape. But the psychological, cognitive tricks...once taken in, once made part of "who the person is"...are just that powerful.
Christianity is (in many of it's forms) a more popular form of this trick.
"Admit you are a sinner! You must acknowledge it. You aren't WORTHY..don't even DESERVE the love of your maker. In fact YOU DESERVE HELL! But...don't worry...admit you are a sinner, absorb that
picture of yourself...and now...VOILA!...the cure...here's Jesus! Pledge your life to him and he'll love you...EVEN though we all understand you don't deserve it!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU JESUS! I'm so grateful!
And then you combine that type of powerful psychological manipulation - which often is most effective when people are at their weakest or lowest points - with a host of other in-built tricks that effectively shield the religious assumptions from real critical scrutiny - e.g. "Who are We to question God?" - and you have a psychological web that is very hard to escape.
People outside Christianity can see these "confidence tricks" a mile away. Just like any Christian can see a cult member ought to get out, or an abused women. But the Christians can't see their own situation.
Until some of them are lucky enough to wake up, look back and see clearly all the cognitive tricks, the religious strategies, they had routinely absorbed from other members of their religion, to perpetuate their religious beliefs. Seems obvious once you are out of it.
I hope you can open your eyes some more ayani: ask yourself whether it matters that what you believe is true or not. And if it does matter to you, you should be questioning your most basic religious assumptions...whether it's even reasonable to hold them.
Question whether it's actually reasonable to take the tale of one ancient desert tribe - among all the religious, superstitious delusions of human history - as somehow veridical. Does it REALLY make sense to do so? And don't start from an assumption the biblical God is a good character. That's not the way to actually examine whether that belief make sense. Try REALLY reading the bible, asking "Is it actually the most reasonable inference from the description of what this God character says and does, that He would actually be The Moral Standard? Does the bible actually READ like that God is the Wisest person one could ever imagine?
Not when you realise how many things God says that sound as limited and non-omniscient as any other person...and not when God seems to share pretty much the same limited moral horizon as the ancient people who wrote the stories (e.g. God doesn't seem any more enlightened about slavery being a bad idea than...well...the ancient person writing that story). Not, when you are reading what is purportedly the message of the Most Wise Being Of All, you secretly find yourself wondering if what He just said was really all that wise...and find yourself looking for excuses to either ignore certain of the portions concerning this All Wise Being...or looking for how other Christians excused them.
That shouldn't be happening - there shouldn't even BE an apologetics industry - if the bible really did represent the best we have on morality, the wisest anyone has ever been! Wouldn't the wisest of all books stand the test of time, rather than create a flourishing industry of people making EXCUSES for what it says and trying to say to each other "Really...this part looks bad but we can ignore it because X or it really has to mean Y..."
Certainly religion has it's compensations: the social network, and some of the story can fit some emotional desires or needs. But it's often when someone de-converts that the other side of the coin - the negatives - of having been Christian come into relief: Living a life believing, worrying, about an entire supernatural realm, in which your fate lies, that doesn't even exist. Grappling with all those vexing (if you are a thinking person) theological conundrums "Why would God do X?..." Trying to constantly juggle the supernatural beliefs you've been handed against the constant
oppression of real-world facts. The flourishing of time consuming and unnecessary "why" questions that naturally arise when you posit the fiction that a Supernatural Person is behind reality. (An earthquake that kills people is a natural tragedy and it's natural to inquire how they occur...but positing a God attaches to EVERY such instance an additional question: "Why?").
Many who de-convert find themselves actually relieved of all the superstitions, religious, mental baggage that they carried...just assumed...along with their religious belief.