Do you really love your mate?

[jeffrey]

Do you, when your lover is not around, and you feel the need for self pleasure, Do you fantasize about your lover or someone else?

Do you think that he you fantasize about someone else, would your lover be hurt?​

 

[Fluffy]

Well I'm not in that situation so I can only hypothesise but I would assume that if all of my sexual fantasies were being fulfilled by my lover then I would fantasise about her/him. If they were not then I would fantasise about a generic person, perhaps her, fulfilling them.

I don't think that doing the later has any effect on how much I love her though because, for me, sex and love are totally different things. I have loved people very deeply and have had no inclination to have sex with them. Yet I still have sexual urges.

 

[cardero]

Do you, when your lover is not around, and you feel the need for self pleasure, Do you fantasize about your lover or someone else?

Yes, what does this question have to do with the integrity of my love towards my partner?

 

[jeffrey]

Yes, what does this question have to do with the integrity of my love towards my partner?

Who said it had anything to do with it? It's just a question.

 

[Fluffy]

jgallandt, the title of the thread implies that connection .

 

[jeffrey]

This is a privite poll. no one will see your reply.

 

[jeffrey]

jgallandt, the title of the thread implies that connection .

I'll edit it! Sorry. trying to type and drive.

 

[Darkdale]

Do you, when your lover is not around, and you feel the need for self pleasure, Do you fantasize about your lover or someone else?

Do you think that he you fantasize about someone else, would your lover be hurt?​

I suspect that everyone fantasizes about someone else. It just makes good sense lol.

 

[cardero]

I'll edit it! Sorry. trying to type and drive.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Aqualung]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what I was thinking. :help:

 

[jeffrey]

I suspect that everyone fantasizes about someone else. It just makes good sense lol.

I don't. Like Fluffy said, if your mate fully satisfies you, there is no need to. And when you are truely, deeply in love, they are always on your mind... Long live Willie Nelson, eh?

 

[Darkdale]

I don't. Like Fluffy said, if your mate fully satisfies you, there is no need to. And when you are truely, deeply in love, they are always on your mind... Long live Willie Nelson, eh?

No one woman will ever "fully satisfy me". I'm still too much of an animal for that kind of nonsense. I have no problems committing myself to a woman in a monogamous relationship because a relationship isn't all about my every last need. It's a partnership, not a fantasy. I've always pitied people that treated their relationships like fantasies (mostly this is the case with women who see their man "as they should be", which is always a sure way to end up disappointed). They never understand why they fall apart. Love requires honesty. Love requires truth. Fantasy is just our way of making things out to be better than they really are, and dating is hard because so many people are living in fantasy worlds. They think relationships should be like the movies or some other nonsense. Anyway, any man that is totally and utterly satisfied, sexuality, by a single woman is not in the same species as I am lol & I've never met one in person. I heard that people claim to be, but I've met people that claimed that they were dragons and that makes about as much sense to me. *shrugs*

 

[jeffrey]

With age comes maturity. Sometimes when you are young, you don't realize what you want, you only know what you think you want. Then comes a time when you realize that what you thought you wanted, was not really what you want, and all that you need is right in front of you. Finally satisfied.

 

[jeffrey]

Some people try to fill the void in there life with sex, never really being satisfied, always wanting more. Then one day you realize that love is the only thing that will fill that void, and if you are lucky enough you will have a woman that truely loves you as much as you love her. filling your sexual need starts with filling your heart. Sex without true love left me feeling empty, incomplete.

 

[michel]

Do you, when your lover is not around, and you feel the need for self pleasure, Do you fantasize about your lover or someone else?

Luckily the question would be irrelevent to me, because I have a negative libido.

I am dead from the waist down. Solves a lot of problems.

But the title of the thread is "Do you really love your mate? "

- to which the answer is, "Yes", depending on the understanding of the word Love; emotions are very personal, and I am sure we all have our own definition of love.

Do you think that if you fantasize about someone else, would your lover be hurt?

Yes, I am sure she would.

 

[jeffrey]

michel, don't know what to say... I do feel that the older you get, that love is the important thing in a relationship, the little things. Telling them you love them. Doing something nice. The less important sex becomes. Some nights just cuddling is more satisfying then sex. It's a deeper feeling... longer lasting. If that makes sense.

 

[Darkdale]

Some people try to fill the void in there life with sex, never really being satisfied, always wanting more. Then one day you realize that love is the only thing that will fill that void, and if you are lucky enough you will have a woman that truely loves you as much as you love her. filling your sexual need starts with filling your heart. Sex without true love left me feeling empty, incomplete.

I don't see sex has having anything innate to do with love, though sex is often best with women you love... the passion is more intense, more honest, more real. But, whether I've been in a loving relationship or not, sex has always been present as just one of those things we human animals do for fun and excitement, and it is certainly that!

 

[jeffrey]

That's where we differ, Darkdale. When I was young, sex with someone I didn't have emotions for, just didn't have a lasting effect. Now, with age, and love, it's only right with one person. It's more then just self-satisfaction. It's caring about the other person, not wanting to hurt them.. to feel what they feel. Be one with them.

 

[Darkdale]

That's where we differ, Darkdale. When I was young, sex with someone I didn't have emotions for, just didn't have a lasting effect. Now, with age, and love, it's only right with one person. It's more then just self-satisfaction. It's caring about the other person, not wanting to hurt them.. to feel what they feel. Be one with them.

Oh, it never had a lasting effect for me either lol. Well, some times lasted longer than others. But the reason I was having sex was because it was pleasurable. As I get older, I sometimes want it to be more personal, but sometimes it's still just about the pleasure. It's all the more meaningful when it's with someone I love.

Just curious though, what does "not wanting to hurt them" have to do with the conversation? I honestly missed the reference.

I'm not a moral person. I dont' attach moral significance to behavior, so I think that is where we are differing in opinion, if we are really differeing at all. I don't disagree with you one bit on sex being all that much more amazing when it is deeply wrapped in love.

 

[michel]

michel, don't know what to say... I do feel that the older you get, that love is the important thing in a relationship, the little things. Telling them you love them. Doing something nice. The less important sex becomes. Some nights just cuddling is more satisfying then sex. It's a deeper feeling... longer lasting. If that makes sense.

Of course. That is the way I feel; because of depression and the medication I am on, it would be a miracle if I could raise more than a smile.

But, heck, who cares ? It's not the be all and end all of life....besides, my wife is not particularly bothered...............so there's no problem.