Mark Dohle
Well-Known Member
Dealing With Being Sick
I have often said that there is no real meaning to the word “mature adult’ for me. We are a mixture of being centered, scattered, loving, hateful faithful, and being faithless. How we deal with this merry-go-round that we call life tests us to respond in one way or another. To be childlike before God, to be trustful, or to break down in the many ways we can do, and well, become childish.
Over the last two weeks, I have had one such experience that tested me on many levels. In the beginning it was a simple feeling of not feeling well, but not knowing where it was coming from. I had no fever, nor any pain, nor any other symptoms suggesting that I was getting sick. I did experience that one of my teeth hurt, and thought of an abscess but quickly forgot it since the pain went away quickly.
Well as my discomfort got worse, I decided to go to my dentist. The day before I went to Dr. Manning, and he took my blood to see how I was doing. My blood work came back the next day, loopy, some important things were out of wack.
In the end, I got the tooth out without too much trouble. However, because of my lack of discernment the infection, which caused my blood work to be off, started causing some complications. Luckily, I got the tooth out in time and did not have to go to the hospital. I guess it was more serious than I thought.
I lost a lot of weight, but did not, perhaps because I was not feeling well, did not understand that the weight I lost was water weight, and because I was not eating became severely dehydrated. My skin began to itch, and my nights were a total nightmare. I finally saw Sister Beatrice and she got me to work on hydration, and when I told her about how itching my skin was, she got me on Cevera Cream which was a God send. Again, because I was feeling so bad, my mind was not clicking along at the usual speeds, and did not make proper connections. I could have figured this out myself.
When talking, I sounded like I was a 100 years old, and my hands looked the same age. I was walking around in a daze, still struggling to eat. To say my dream life sparked up is an understatement. I started drinking Gatorade which was a great help. Also, ensure, but a little more difficult to drink, but very helpful. Started to force myself to eat, so slowly getting better. Still, frustrated at how long it ‘seems’ to be taking.
Being sick like that is not unusual, nor is my stupidity in not listening to my body better. I have learned about the importance of drinking water or some liquid no matter what. I have to be hit over the head sometimes.
In my soul, heart, and interior life, I can say I was scared and confused and found myself struggling to pray the simplest prayers or sit in God’s presence. I still prayed and used the rosary to say slowly simple prayers, this seemed to help. Just slow, no rush, being in the moment.
I rediscovered our cloister Garden, which is an amazing place. For over 53 years I have never tired of being in the garden but am not in the habit of spending time there. I have discovered it is a good place to sit, feel the wind, listen to the birds, and breathe.
I have found out some important things about myself. I do not suffer well, and my faith can be easily shaken, yet by grace only, I was prodded to pray and understand that this will end soon. It makes me wonder how I will respond to the final mile. I suppose how I respond to life ‘now’, will have something to say about that. As I said I did not do very well.
I have also discovered that I do not know myself like I arrogantly thought I did. I am OK with that, accepting one’s humanity is not always easy, but it is a necessary step on our journey toward God. -Br.MD