vnc
Member
BLOCKED FROM CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
my closest friend is my girlfriend, although she is not christian. the church imposed its knowledge on me and overrode my original decision. i chose to engage in christian marriage at age 30, but my participation in christian marriage was blocked by the church.
i'm just not going to risk getting married and divorced now at my age. if i married the non-christian that i'm with, it would lead to divorce. and i don't know any christian women, having been expelled from the church for 20 years. and a christian woman is not going to marry a 20 year excommunicant anyway. i'm not going to risk getting married at age 47. the divorce rates are too high. i wasn't allowed to marry within the church for 20 years. its much less risky to fornicate at my age. i'm already in a relationship with a non-christian. i'm not going to break her heart, simply because the church recently decides that i can be a christian again 20 years later.
my first choice has been to participate in christian marriage and christian leadership with the christians. less than 100% participation would be worthless and empty to me. i've investigated other religions (hinduism/buddhism, etc), but christianity is my final choice. if full 100% participation in christianity is not available, i will not embrace a second choice. rather i will dismiss all religion. i will not be satisfied outside of my first choice. i do have the alternate option of abandoning religious marriage and religious leadership altogether. i've not chosen to leave the church, because i benefit from its various educational programs.
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ACCUSED BY THE CHURCH
it was concealed from me who first accused me, so i never got to see my original accuser. i was then accused by a leader one on one. after that, i was accused by three leaders at once, but the allegation had entirely changed. i was afterward brought before the Elders but not accused. i was then expelled via the church's attorney through a mailed legal letter which contained no allegations. i was not permitted to correct anyone myself. contact was restricted, so there was no opportunity to repent, forgive, repent, forgive.
i was accused of adultery, resistance, slander and divisiveness. they don't trust me, in the context of my former expulsion. the first and third allegations made against me were false, and only the first two allegations were made against me before being ostracized. the second two allegations were only made twenty years later when readmitted into the church. they said no to restoration.
the other churches just sent me back to the first one to square things away. actually, i've visited and attended about a dozen of these mega-churches. they all have upheld the original expulsion. they all have the same stance. combined, they are representative of protestant non-denominational churches within and beyond my driving area.
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MINISTRY WITHOUT FAMILY IS EMPTY TO ME
i've functioned as an election judge and i've attended some community groups. however, community interaction is not fulfilling to me in the absence of a family. charity is good too, but i do not interpret it as full participation. i have no family, and charity is largely empty to me without a family. this was mother teresa's quandary. in her memoirs, mother teresa was very desolate and empty in her soul in her charity endeavors. she was tormented in her loneliness and lacked a family, despite choosing a life of soulish torment for GOD. the more she sacrificed for others, the more desolate she felt. because she had no family. people mistakenly think that she felt fulfillment in GOD and in charity, but this was not the case.
when i had tried to involve myself with christianity in the past, the christians really didn't want my full participation. i had wanted to participate in christian marriage and i offered my corporate management skills to the christians, but the christians responded with sin allegations instead. i am not allowed to participate in the practices of christian marriage or christian leadership. i am not a full participant in my community or any church. i find spiritual guidance in the bible and other apocryphal texts.
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I TRIED OTHER RELIGIONS AND CHURCHES
its my understanding that the people and christianity go together. i was expelled from a church 20 years ago, but another dozen churches upheld the expulsion. i was, however, accepted by a few 'cult' groups, though they were not my first choice. the church that expelled me 20 years ago has accepted me back as of 2 years ago, but does not invite my full participation in the practices of christian marriage or christian leadership.
i was initiated into hindu kriya yoga, and a buddhist mentor lived with me (he rented a room from me). i may not fit into their larger communities though. i'm not as much concerned about the beliefs as i am in finding community.
i tried a few smaller churches too. there are a lot of nice people there, but they tend to be family oriented. that's good for them, but i don't have a family, so i don't fit in. i'm a single man (nearly age 50) who lives alone with no family or substantial relatives. my kind is a dime a dozen and not of significant value to the church.
for example, i attended a local family church (150 weekly attenders), but i spent my christmas completely alone after attending for two years. they had no clue. then i left. i was not really a part of the family. most of the church leaders were related by marriage. there was one elderly man who had befriended me there, but he would just talk to me about his money.
my closest friend is my girlfriend, although she is not christian. the church imposed its knowledge on me and overrode my original decision. i chose to engage in christian marriage at age 30, but my participation in christian marriage was blocked by the church.
i'm just not going to risk getting married and divorced now at my age. if i married the non-christian that i'm with, it would lead to divorce. and i don't know any christian women, having been expelled from the church for 20 years. and a christian woman is not going to marry a 20 year excommunicant anyway. i'm not going to risk getting married at age 47. the divorce rates are too high. i wasn't allowed to marry within the church for 20 years. its much less risky to fornicate at my age. i'm already in a relationship with a non-christian. i'm not going to break her heart, simply because the church recently decides that i can be a christian again 20 years later.
my first choice has been to participate in christian marriage and christian leadership with the christians. less than 100% participation would be worthless and empty to me. i've investigated other religions (hinduism/buddhism, etc), but christianity is my final choice. if full 100% participation in christianity is not available, i will not embrace a second choice. rather i will dismiss all religion. i will not be satisfied outside of my first choice. i do have the alternate option of abandoning religious marriage and religious leadership altogether. i've not chosen to leave the church, because i benefit from its various educational programs.
----
ACCUSED BY THE CHURCH
it was concealed from me who first accused me, so i never got to see my original accuser. i was then accused by a leader one on one. after that, i was accused by three leaders at once, but the allegation had entirely changed. i was afterward brought before the Elders but not accused. i was then expelled via the church's attorney through a mailed legal letter which contained no allegations. i was not permitted to correct anyone myself. contact was restricted, so there was no opportunity to repent, forgive, repent, forgive.
i was accused of adultery, resistance, slander and divisiveness. they don't trust me, in the context of my former expulsion. the first and third allegations made against me were false, and only the first two allegations were made against me before being ostracized. the second two allegations were only made twenty years later when readmitted into the church. they said no to restoration.
the other churches just sent me back to the first one to square things away. actually, i've visited and attended about a dozen of these mega-churches. they all have upheld the original expulsion. they all have the same stance. combined, they are representative of protestant non-denominational churches within and beyond my driving area.
----
MINISTRY WITHOUT FAMILY IS EMPTY TO ME
i've functioned as an election judge and i've attended some community groups. however, community interaction is not fulfilling to me in the absence of a family. charity is good too, but i do not interpret it as full participation. i have no family, and charity is largely empty to me without a family. this was mother teresa's quandary. in her memoirs, mother teresa was very desolate and empty in her soul in her charity endeavors. she was tormented in her loneliness and lacked a family, despite choosing a life of soulish torment for GOD. the more she sacrificed for others, the more desolate she felt. because she had no family. people mistakenly think that she felt fulfillment in GOD and in charity, but this was not the case.
when i had tried to involve myself with christianity in the past, the christians really didn't want my full participation. i had wanted to participate in christian marriage and i offered my corporate management skills to the christians, but the christians responded with sin allegations instead. i am not allowed to participate in the practices of christian marriage or christian leadership. i am not a full participant in my community or any church. i find spiritual guidance in the bible and other apocryphal texts.
----
I TRIED OTHER RELIGIONS AND CHURCHES
its my understanding that the people and christianity go together. i was expelled from a church 20 years ago, but another dozen churches upheld the expulsion. i was, however, accepted by a few 'cult' groups, though they were not my first choice. the church that expelled me 20 years ago has accepted me back as of 2 years ago, but does not invite my full participation in the practices of christian marriage or christian leadership.
i was initiated into hindu kriya yoga, and a buddhist mentor lived with me (he rented a room from me). i may not fit into their larger communities though. i'm not as much concerned about the beliefs as i am in finding community.
i tried a few smaller churches too. there are a lot of nice people there, but they tend to be family oriented. that's good for them, but i don't have a family, so i don't fit in. i'm a single man (nearly age 50) who lives alone with no family or substantial relatives. my kind is a dime a dozen and not of significant value to the church.
for example, i attended a local family church (150 weekly attenders), but i spent my christmas completely alone after attending for two years. they had no clue. then i left. i was not really a part of the family. most of the church leaders were related by marriage. there was one elderly man who had befriended me there, but he would just talk to me about his money.