Chapter Talk 7-2/23 Humility

[Mark Dohle]

Chapter Talk 7/2/23​

Humility

"The seventh degree of humility is, when, not only with his tongue he declared but also in his inmost soul believes, that he is the lowest and vilest of men, humbling himself and saying with the Prophet: 'But I am a worm and no man, the reproach of men and the outcast of the people.'​

Rule of Benedict chapter 7.

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When I was a young monk, I always had a negative reaction to the above quote. I simply did not believe that such a statement could be made with any real honesty by your average man or woman, let alone someone entering a monastery. I certainly did not experience myself as being vile, let alone the vilest.

However, as the years passed quickly by I began to reconsider what the above quote meant to me after a few decades.

Humility and self-knowledge are inseparable, they can in no way be separated. They are like two mirrors reflecting back on each other in an endless dialogue that is transparent, childlike, and not afraid of what lies beneath our conscious minds. Well, ideally that is true. In real life, self-knowledge is often forced upon us, and we can always find reasons to turn away from what it can teach us. Yet there is a heavy price to pay.

I believe that when we do not deal with ourselves before the Lord in an honest manner, owning up to our foibles, the only way they can be dealt with is in those around us. Gossip intrigues, and withdrawal from the community can be faulted on a lack of humility, usually. It is humility that allows us to grow up and to be on the way to becoming centered, responsible, and overall, happy in our vocation. If we choose to continue resisting what our reactions to others have to teach us, then we will continue in our anger, and bitterness is the fruit of such a path. Eventually, it could lead to abandoning our vocation entirely.

I do believe that most people in monasteries struggle with the above to different degrees. Our past does have a hold on us and will often move us from behind the scenes.

Communities are very imperfect, and it is this very imperfection that can bring to the surface our inner fears, anxieties, and yes even hatred. It can be quite the endless merry-go-round without the ring at the end. There is no happy ending.

As long as there are people, customs, and dysfunctions around us that we can complain about, either vocally, or not, we will not have to take responsibility for our part in the communal situation. We can stand apart and judge from a very limited perspective. What is this perspective? Well, one way of putting it is this: “I just want everything to go the way I want it, and by the way, I want all those brothers who annoy me, to just stop.” The problem is that it is not going to happen. I do think we are all on someone’s list.

Every community has some members who have to be shown compassion, and mercy, even though the ones receiving, cannot return it. We all have different limitations, some more severe than others. Those with the most severe need the most compassion and mercy. Even if it means they have to leave, or that they leave on their own. Or, the community as a whole has to live with it the best way they can.

Self-acceptance of others comes when we learn to love ourselves as Christ commands us to. This can be a problem, when we go deeper in prayer we begin to see aspects of ourselves that could be considered vile, very vile. Festering wounds that need healing will find ways of letting us know they are there. Dealing with our inner ‘demons’ can be a lifelong process, and what we learn from this is that others struggle as well. We all have goads that keep us moving forward, even if we are crippled, and move forward slowly.

How we treat one another, as well as ourselves, which I believe are inseparable, is like being a sower of the field. When we interact with others, we leave them either a better person or one that is wounded and perhaps pushed further into isolation.

I believe that before God, each soul is an entire universe. So in this room, we have a gathering of persons, each with a rich inner life, as well as their fair share of chaos, pain, and yes, evil. Each, if left to themselves becomes saddled with a sort of personal infallibility that actually become their hell. How do these persons communicate? The bridge out of hell is of course love. Not the sentimental kind, but love that is based on insight into the worth of all others, and that brings with it the desire to be just towards all, which is love lived out in real-time. It is humility that allows that to happen, where defenses are dropped, and there is no need to judge others harshly because we know ourselves, and understand that we are all on a journey together if we only learn to see, listen, and yes love. Perhaps the ‘death to self’ that Jesus talks about, is this actual dethronement of our own infallibility.

So, yes, now that I am older I can read the opening quote and understand what it is saying. It is not something based on self-hatred, or a bad self-image, but on truth, the awful truth of the human situation, and the struggle we all must go through in order to allow the grace of healing to take hold.

People talk about human freedom as if it is something we are born with. No, we are born with the potential to grow in freedom. However, it is a long slow process, and with healing, it can move forward at a faster pace. Yet, we must revisit the same struggles over and over again, with failures, and starting again. Humility allows us to not give in to despair, which is a great temptation I believe for all humans who seek to grow in their love of God and others. Grace works in secret, and it is the virtue of humility that allows us to embrace that reality, and quietly, lovingly move forward.

In the end, it is about trust.

There is a reason that our Father St. Benedict tells his monks to never despair of the mercy of God. As we mature, we understand more deeply why he had to put that in the rule.-Br.MD