Can breast-feeding hurt your marriage?

[Tigress]

Moms, Don't Forget to Feed Your Marriages

Why nurturing a passionate marriage is more important than breast-feeding.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Courtesy of Beliefnet.

[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same."


Click here to read the entire article.
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[evearael]

It does raise a valid point... the relationship between partners and the relationship of each with the child are separate relationships that both need constant nurturing. To ignore one for the other has very lasting and damaging consequences. I just hope no one comes away with idea that marital bliss and breastfeeding are mutually exclusive... just be mindful!

 

[Booko]

[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same."[/FONT]

The one time my husband made a smart remark to this effect, I said I was sorry for having left him out -- and then squirted him.

 

[Quoth The Raven]

[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same."
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Only if he wants to act like a spoiled 5 year old who suddenly has to share his favourite toy.:sarcastic
Puts me in mind of an article I read once, about a guy who was so jealous of his children he was carrying on like my eldest did when the middle child was first born. 'Hang on, you're doing something with the baby, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!'
From a five year old it's understandable; any man who doesn't accept that there's going to be some adjustment needs a good smacking. If he's not prepared to share, he ought to have thought about that before he cast his little fella out into the wilds unprotected.:yes:
Of course, the example in the article above was a woman with a problem...normal people don't want their baby in their bed and their spouse in another room.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

This has little to do with breastfeeding, and it has everything to do with priorities.



Take out breastfeeding and put in holding a baby in the same arms that hold the husband, and one may feel entirely different. Breastfeeding encompasses not only nutrition, but bonding and closeness...........these are natural and motherly attributes.




Talk about a couple of facts about breastfed babies:



1) They nurse far more frequently than bottle-fed babies take the bottle because of the digestibility of breastmilk.

2) They tend to be more alert than bottle-fed babies because of certain sleep-inducing elements that are present in formula. Overall, breastfed babies wake up more often and sleep for shorter periods of time than formula-fed babies.


These realities by themselves (and there are more BTW) raises whole different expectations for how much a baby is in his or her mother's arms and at her breast.



Husbands do not have much room to talk if mommy's breast seems to always be in baby's mouth (this lasts for just a few months anyway).



Husbands do have a right to complain if mommy's eyes, ears, and talk seem to always be in the direction of the baby. THIS is where he is left out, not because of breastfeeding. It is her attention.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[SoyLeche]

Only if he wants to act like a spoiled 5 year old who suddenly has to share his favourite toy.:sarcastic
Puts me in mind of an article I read once, about a guy who was so jealous of his children he was carrying on like my eldest did when the middle child was first born. 'Hang on, you're doing something with the baby, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!'
From a five year old it's understandable; any man who doesn't accept that there's going to be some adjustment needs a good smacking. If he's not prepared to share, he ought to have thought about that before he cast his little fella out into the wilds unprotected.:yes:
Of course, the example in the article above was a woman with a problem...normal people don't want their baby in their bed and their spouse in another room.

I agree. Any man that would get upset over (normal) breastfeeding needs to grow up.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I agree. Any man that would get upset over (normal) breastfeeding needs to grow up.

I agree.:beach:

 

[michel]

Moms, Don't Forget to Feed Your Marriages

Why nurturing a passionate marriage is more important than breast-feeding.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Courtesy of Beliefnet.

[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same."


Click here to read the entire article.
[/FONT]

Personally, I can't see this.

To me (as Heather so succinctly put it), this is not so much about breast feeding as the Father perhaps coming to the sudden realisation that he is not his wife's prime object of attention any more, and how he deals with that.

My wife was fortunate to be able to feed both our children, and rather than the process causing problems between the two of us, I think it "put the icing on the cake".

Seeing a Mum feeding her child is one of the most natural and heartwarming sights. IMO

 

[Ðanisty]

I"ve never understood this kind of thinking. What kind of man could get jealous (sexually jealous even in the case of breasts) of his baby??? I think there's definitely something wrong with that. There is some wiring not right if he thinks there is some kind of competition there...if he can't see the difference.

 

[MaddLlama]

So, if when I have children I find myself neglecting my husband all I have to do is let him touch my boobs? Funny....that doesn't seem to satisfy him now.

The one time my husband made a smart remark to this effect, I said I was sorry for having left him out -- and then squirted him.

I'm gonna have to remember that ^o^

 

[w00t]

If a husband is so pathetic as to mind his wife breastfeeding their baby when breast is best for an infant, then I would divorce the so and so!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Okay, so now that I actually read the entire article, I feel better about my comments.



The Rabbi suggested that a woman's breasts are, for erotic pleasure principally, and for a source of nutrition as secondary. I don't agree with this sentiment, and he'll be hard pressed to find many others who agree with him.



He even advised husbands to refrain from watching their wives giving birth, because to him, it changes a man's feelings about his wife's vagina from being an erotic and sexually stimulating body part into a "mere birth canal."



Wow.



I am amazed at the good Rabbi's views on women's bodies and what we were made for. I'm also amazed at how highly charged a topic that breastfeeding is in our culture:



We breastfeed our babies, we are horrible wives.

We don't breastfeed our babies, we are horrible mothers.



We moms just can't ever get respect, can we? :sarcastic



Sure, a woman's body is sensual and sexy, but come ON! I think the Rabbi insults men much more than he insults women in his article............he portrays men to be whiny, breast-obsessed children who want all the attention from the woman. A husband can find such beauty in watching his wife give birth to his children, and he can discover such a sacred bond while watching his wife breastfeed his children. To portray women's breasts the way he does diminishes us as being one-dimensional:


[robot voice]"My body is here only to sexually stimulate my husband."[/robot voice]




Ah, well. It seems that most of the feedback he got from the beliefnet crowd wasn't all that supportive either.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[evearael]

I breastfed my baby and intend on doing the same for any other children we're blessed with, and my husband was present at our daughters birth. None of this has diminshed the love and passion my husband and I share... if anything it has intensified it. I work hard to be a good wife and mommy. He works hard to be a good husband and father. Our toddler does a great job of being a good daughter. Every relationship needs love, nurturing and work that is reciprocated. I think what the article primarily addressed is families where one relationship is elevated and obsessed over while the other is utterly neglected. You can have it all: a passionate love life after childbirth with the father present, and a passionate love life while nursing, as long as everyone is mindful about maintaining and supporting all the varied relationships that comprise a family.

 

[jamaesi]

Wow, that article was just full of sexism. No matter what, some people just seem bound and determined to make womens objects designed for the pleasure of other people.


Breasts are designed to feed babies, they were not designed for men to oogle over. If a man gets upset about breastfeeding, he needs to grow up.

 

[Kungfuzed]

It's not just breasts. A woman can loose her whole sex drive after having a baby. Especially if the doctors give her a depo shot or she slips into post partum depression. It might not have anything to do with breastfeeding.

 

[SoyLeche]

If breastfeeding hurts your marriage in any way - the marriage must have much deeper problems and is probably in trouble whether you breastfeed or not. The article was extrememly sexist, and I disagree entirely with a good bit of what it says.