http://www.zackvision.com/weblog/2003/06/arranged-marriage.html
Procrastination
The art of keeping up with yesterday's blogging
I don't know just how much this phenomenon affects people living in the States, but here in the U.K, we have a very large Indian/Pakistani population.
Even though the Government have done their best to curb the practice of forced marriages, I heard just recently of the story of a young Indian man, who was promissed to a young lady in India. They had never met.
He was invited to 'holiday' back home; as soon as he got there, he tells how he was 'detained against his will' (virtually emprisoned) by his parents, who insisted that the marriage that had been arranged between him and a local girl take place.
He didn't want to marry the girl, he had made a life for himself in England, and was most anxious to retain his freedom. He managed to escape, fly back to England, and 'hide' here, forever cut off from his family.
I found this article:-
ہفتہ 14 جون 2003Saturday, June 14, 2003
Arranged Marriage
Previous Posts in my series on marriage: Cousin marriage, forced marriage in Pakistan, forced marriage in Islam.
I had completely forgotten about completing this series until I saw Yasmine comment on Abezs blog (no permalinks; look up the June 10 post titled How I Own 1/7th of Riazs heart).
First, we need to consider what an arranged marriage is. It is basically a marriage which is arranged by someone other than the couple themselves, usually their parents. It encompasses a lot of different varieties: the harshest arranged marriages are almost forced upon the bride or groom while the most liberal ones start with just an introduction of the coouple through their parents and the rest is up to the couple.
Traditionally in arranged marriages, the decision is made by the parents of the couple and they have to abide by that decision. It was quite likely that they would see each other for the first time after their wedding. These marriages are still prevalent though in lesser numbers than the past. I know quite a few people who are actually proud that they did not meet with their spouse before marriage and married a total stranger. Another thing that I have heard happen is that the parents are usually so confident of their child agreeing to whoever they arrange their marriage with that they dont bother asking for their opinion before finalizing the proposal. The guy or girl is then left with little choice but to agree.
Then there is the emotional pressure or even emotional blackmail. Parents beseech their children to agree to a proposal before they die or make use of other emotional pressures. A very mild example is shown in this Washington Post article:
Procrastination
The art of keeping up with yesterday's blogging
I don't know just how much this phenomenon affects people living in the States, but here in the U.K, we have a very large Indian/Pakistani population.
Even though the Government have done their best to curb the practice of forced marriages, I heard just recently of the story of a young Indian man, who was promissed to a young lady in India. They had never met.
He was invited to 'holiday' back home; as soon as he got there, he tells how he was 'detained against his will' (virtually emprisoned) by his parents, who insisted that the marriage that had been arranged between him and a local girl take place.
He didn't want to marry the girl, he had made a life for himself in England, and was most anxious to retain his freedom. He managed to escape, fly back to England, and 'hide' here, forever cut off from his family.
I found this article:-
ہفتہ 14 جون 2003Saturday, June 14, 2003
Arranged Marriage
Previous Posts in my series on marriage: Cousin marriage, forced marriage in Pakistan, forced marriage in Islam.
I had completely forgotten about completing this series until I saw Yasmine comment on Abezs blog (no permalinks; look up the June 10 post titled How I Own 1/7th of Riazs heart).
Although Western socities tend to deride arranged marriages as backward and uncivilized and primitive, there do exist positive aspects. For example, Westerners focus more on the physical aspect of relationships, and are thus obsessed with love, sex, beauty, etc. As a result, people get married based on these factors and then get disenchanted with one another very easily. The divorce rate in Western countries such as the U.S. has skyrocketed. [
]In contrast, Eastern cultures that practice arranged marriages place far more emphasis on the practical, such as integrity, diligence, ambition, humility, generosity, etc. People get married based on practical reasons, and work on building affection later. Strong characteristics like the ones described above are very conducive to building love and affection in Eastern marriages. As a result, these marriages are much longer-lasting than many Western marriages (at least, based on what ive seen so far). Its BECAUSE the primary emphasis is NOT on love, sex, and physical beauty that arranged marriages are usually so successful, because the spouses get to know one another on a practical level first, looking beyond trivial issues such as beauty or lack thereof.
And, of course, i know it can go both ways: there ARE many arranged marriages that are just total hell, and there are marriages that started out based only on infatuation and grew stronger as time passed. But I think as long one as looks for the right characteristics in a potential spouse, then, arranged marriage or not, s all good.
I wont reply to her points directly but a discussion of the similar ideas comes later in this post.And, of course, i know it can go both ways: there ARE many arranged marriages that are just total hell, and there are marriages that started out based only on infatuation and grew stronger as time passed. But I think as long one as looks for the right characteristics in a potential spouse, then, arranged marriage or not, s all good.
First, we need to consider what an arranged marriage is. It is basically a marriage which is arranged by someone other than the couple themselves, usually their parents. It encompasses a lot of different varieties: the harshest arranged marriages are almost forced upon the bride or groom while the most liberal ones start with just an introduction of the coouple through their parents and the rest is up to the couple.
Traditionally in arranged marriages, the decision is made by the parents of the couple and they have to abide by that decision. It was quite likely that they would see each other for the first time after their wedding. These marriages are still prevalent though in lesser numbers than the past. I know quite a few people who are actually proud that they did not meet with their spouse before marriage and married a total stranger. Another thing that I have heard happen is that the parents are usually so confident of their child agreeing to whoever they arrange their marriage with that they dont bother asking for their opinion before finalizing the proposal. The guy or girl is then left with little choice but to agree.
Then there is the emotional pressure or even emotional blackmail. Parents beseech their children to agree to a proposal before they die or make use of other emotional pressures. A very mild example is shown in this Washington Post article: