"Are you sure you're not gay"? - "I'm sure. I'm asexual"

[Pah]

http://www.alternet.org/story/35138/

Asexuals Unite

By Traci Hukill, AlterNet. Posted April 24, 2006.

"Sexuality is like any other activity," says David Jay, AVEN's 23-year-old founder. "There are people for whom skydiving, chocolate cake and soccer are their world. But some people don't like skydiving, chocolate cake or soccer. There's no reason to focus your energy and attention on something you feel no reason to do anything about."

Asexuality is not celibacy, abstinence or escapism, Jay says. "Whatever sexual orientation is, it works like that. It's not something we choose. It's something we intrinsically feel."

Asexuality is a poorly understood phenomenon. Two years ago Anthony Bogaert of Canada's Brock University published a study suggesting 1 percent to 2 percent of the population is not interested in having sex. Little other research exists.

There isn't even a real definition. Is it the absence of sexual desire? The lack of desire to have sex with another person? Is it a distinct orientation? Or a matter of intensity? What if you used to like sex and now you don't?

 

[ChrisP]

Traci Hukill (writer of article)[/I]]But questions remain -- big questions. Mainly: "Are you sure you're not gay?"

This is a bit of a crack-up. What does being gay have to do with asexualilty? You can be gay and not want to have sex surely?

 

[Pah]

This is a bit of a crack-up. What does being gay have to do with asexualilty? You can be gay and not want to have sex surely?

Well, for the ignorant, it is the question most would ask if someone was not having sex.

Having an orientation is different from not participating in sex. The celebrite priest can still be attracked to women or men or children but does not act on the attraction. Celebracy is not an orientation. The asexual has no desire for sex.

 

[jeffrey]

http://www.alternet.org/story/35138/

Asexuals Unite

By Traci Hukill, AlterNet. Posted April 24, 2006.

What if you used like sex and now you don't?

I don't know... Use Viagra?

I do see what you are saying, that if someone does not show attraction towards the opposite sex, they must be gay, which of course is a mis-conception

 

[michel]

I am asexual. I wasn't when I was younger, but I am now. Is it a choice ? certainly not; is it a physical condition ? - I am sure it is not.

Sometime, since my second son was born, I lost all interest in sex.

Romance, that is a different thing; which makes me wonder if in my case, this is hormonal.

 

[ChrisP]

Romance, that is a different thing; which makes me wonder if in my case, this is hormonal.

This is a good question. Does anyone know of any testing re: this has been done?

I'm looking at you Pah

 

[c0da]

I though asexual meant they reproduce without sex, like a cell splitting in half?

Haha, thats a funny thought, some guy just splitting in half in the middle of the road

 

[Pah]

This is a good question. Does anyone know of any testing re: this has been done?

I'm looking at you Pah

I would assume it is not hormonal. Evidence of primary and secondary characteristics, which is the result of hormones, would rule out hormones as a cause of orientation. Even chromosonal evidence is ambigious, though at the DNA level there is a stronger thought that this is a large factor.

But that's from a layman.

 

[michel]

I though asexual meant they reproduce without sex, like a cell splitting in half?

Haha, thats a funny thought, some guy just splitting in half in the middle of the road

You are thinking of "hermaphrodite."

Thinking about this more, I guess in my case it is more likely to be a loss of libido which is a) a symptom of depression, and b) a side effect of the medication. Perhaps I am not asexual; but for all intents and purposes, it is as if I was.

Intersting point, Chris.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/pda/A4455263?s_id=6

Nothing is yet known to cause asexuality. Examples of common assumptions of causes are:

• Abuse - Abuse is not known to cause asexuality. It may cause repulsion, hatred or fear of sex, but not asexuality. Almost all abuse victims turn out to be sexual, and those who don't weren't sexual to begin with.
• Hormonal or Chemical Imbalances - While some drugs do repress libido, and pregnant and pre-natal women lack a sex drive, hormonal problems are rarely the cause of asexuality. Many asexuals have gone through rigorous tests which conclude that their hormones are completely normal.
• Genes - Scientists may have found a 'gay gene' which increases the chances of the carrier being gay. There is no known 'asexuality gene' but the possibility does exist.
• Social Recluse - Asexuals are normal people. Some of them are popular, some aren't, some are extroverts, some introverts, and of course some are very withdrawn. It is possible that there is a higher percentage of asexual introverts than sexual introverts, but that is probably caused by the asexuality: most people naturally become withdrawn from the world if they don't fit in. In Internet asexual communities most of the asexuals are introverts, but this is
  • probably because all the extroverts are out and too busy with their social lives to visit the Internet very much. This is noticeable in a great majority of Internet communities including h2g2.
  • Fear Of Relationships - Also trust issues. A fear or relationships or a lack of trust does not lead to a lack of sexual attraction. These issues are separate to asexuality. They can coexist with asexuality, just as sexual people also have these problems.
  Some not-so-commonly touted reasons:
  • Premature Birth - The theory was that premature babies may not have had their full quota of sexual hormones while in the womb. This one was quickly ruled out as research showed that although many asexuals were premature, some were full term and many others were beyond full term.
  • Oldest Child - An Internet poll with 53 respondents interestingly shows that 49% of asexuals are the oldest child in a family. This should not be taken as any evidence, however, as there is simply not enough data collected on the subject.
  • <---------------------------------------snip-------------------------------------->
• On first hearing about asexuality many sexual people fail to comprehend what asexuality is. So here are common misconceptions about asexuality:
  • Celibacy - Celibacy is a choice not to have sex. Asexuality is not a choice but an orientation, and whilst some asexuals do not have a sex drive, others do.
  • A disorder - Asexuality is just another orientation. Whilst some people still have a problem with the existence of more than one orientation, it is widely accepted that there are more. Asexuals are just like any other people, and come from all walks of life, all countries, and all religions. Asexuals are just as mentally balanced as the rest of the human race.
  • Homosexuals in hiding - Asexuals are not claiming to be asexuals because they are homosexual and don't want to admit it. Homosexuals who don't want to admit it, like asexuals who don't want to admit to it, tend to claim that they are heterosexual. To claim to be asexual would draw close scrutiny of their sexuality and sex life, which is the last thing someone who wants to stay in the closet wants.
  • A late bloomer - Asexuality is usually a lifelong thing; if you are
  • born asexual you will stay asexual, and most asexuals do. Most, because as with other sexualities, some people do drift into a different sexuality. It is possible to both become asexual having been sexual, and become sexual having been asexual. If you are 13 and haven't felt sexual attraction then you could be a late bloomer. If you are 20, you are very probably asexual.
  • Frigidity - Frigidity is sexual unresponsiveness. Asexuality is an orientation, and those asexuals who have a sex drive do enjoy sex. It is, of course, possible to be both asexual and frigid, but neither implies the other.
  • Sexual repression - People who are sexually repressed are still sexual, however deeply they have buried their sexual feelings. Asexuals are not sexually repressed, but merely feel no sexual attraction.
  • Fear of sex - Asexuality is an orientation, not a fear. Some asexuals have and enjoy sex, others do not because they have no sex drive.
  • Only for women - Both men and women can be asexual. Currently the statistics show that more asexuals are women, but that could be simply because less men wish to admit to it.

 

[evearael]

Loss of libido is different from never having the urge. Period. Towards anybody. I've known someone with this orientation (?), but I didn't get the chance to ask him about it.

 

[michel]

Loss of libido is different from never having the urge. Period. Towards anybody. I've known someone with this orientation (?), but I didn't get the chance to ask him about it.

The thing is, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

 

[evearael]

It doesn't bother him at all either. Sex never concerned him.

 

[Booko]

I am asexual. I wasn't when I was younger, but I am now. Is it a choice ? certainly not; is it a physical condition ? - I am sure it is not.

Sometime, since my second son was born, I lost all interest in sex.

Romance, that is a different thing; which makes me wonder if in my case, this is hormonal.

Find a doc who does saliva testing for hormones and then you'll know for sure.

In my case my hormones were out of whack and I just needed a little progesterone cream.

In the U.S. the regular docs use a blood test that's pretty useless. To get something more accurate you have to find an "alternative" doctor. UK docs seemed much more open in many ways than the US ones, so you may have better luck.

Oh, I just Googled "saliva hormone test" and apparently there are do-it-at-home kits you can get on your own. I don't know which would be any good, but if that's an issue let me know and I'll find out from my doc.

 

[Booko]

This is a good question. Does anyone know of any testing re: this has been done?

When I hit my patch of "asexual" like Michel did, I was still romantically interested in men, just had zip for libido. I didn't feel like my lack of interest was "unnatural" -- it just "was." I don't know what that all means.

But I'd be very interested to see the sorts of hormonal levels for those people who are asexual from early on. It's very possible that something just never kicked in, hormonally speaking.

 

[ChrisP]

Me wouldn'ta thunk Michel's someone who has a problem with alternative

 

[ChrisP]

When I hit my patch of "asexual" like Michel did, I was still romantically interested in men, just had zip for libido. I didn't feel like my lack of interest was "unnatural" -- it just "was." I don't know what that all means.

But I'd be very interested to see the sorts of hormonal levels for those people who are asexual from early on. It's very possible that something just never kicked in, hormonally speaking.

I think Pah's point is (and Feathers can bring out the tuna if she has to ) that these people are mentally and physically completely uninterested in sex from day 1 throughout their lives.

In the case of hormonal imbalance, my understanding was that it could be caused by ageing or illness or other physical things. This can effect the mental to a certain degree, and you may not desire sex, but you still think about it.

So the difference is... *crossess fingers* thinking about it/not thinking about it?

 

[michel]

I think Pah's point is (and Feathers can bring out the tuna if she has to ) that these people are mentally and physically completely uninterested in sex from day 1 throughout their lives.

In the case of hormonal imbalance, my understanding was that it could be caused by ageing or illness or other physical things. This can effect the mental to a certain degree, and you may not desire sex, but you still think about it.

So the difference is... *crossess fingers* thinking about it/not thinking about it?

I get your drift; I can see what you mean, and I guess that isn't me.

Thinking ? what's that?:help:

 

[Booko]

I think Pah's point is (and Feathers can bring out the tuna if she has to ) that these people are mentally and physically completely uninterested in sex from day 1 throughout their lives.

I figured as much.

In the case of hormonal imbalance, my understanding was that it could be caused by ageing or illness or other physical things. This can effect the mental to a certain degree, and you may not desire sex, but you still think about it.

Nope. Didn't think of it at all. My husband thought of it. It annoyed the crap out of me. It's not like the bond with my husband disappeared -- it just lost the sexual element entirely. Understandably, it was a source of strain in the relationship, which is why I spent a couple of years trying to find someone who could do something about it.

So the difference is... *crossess fingers* thinking about it/not thinking about it?

I have no idea, but it wouldn't surprise me to find the cause of asexualness from day 1 is totally different than asexualness that starts later in life.

 

[Booko]

I get your drift; I can see what you mean, and I guess that isn't me.

Thinking ? what's that?:help:

I don't think -- it gives me headaches.

 

[standing_alone]

Hang on, I'll just ask Ash... she's the only person I know who does any

No she doesn't.