So yesterday and today I went with some of my family to clean out my old apartment and get it ready for the landlord. Yesterday was mostly about just setting aside the stuff that was my ex gfs, and throwing away everything else. There was a lot to go through... I'd say about 95% of the things in there were her stuff.
The more I went through the stuff, the more upset I was getting. I'd find things she had gifted to me over the years, and vice versa... Things that meant something at one time, other things that were afterthought gifts towards the end of our relationship, and so, so many things that just took up space.
I didn't miss the relationship, or anything about her in general. I think what was upsetting was how she just left it all there for me to handle, while she dissociated and disconnected.
Don't get me wrong... She has an injury, so she has a legitimate reason for not helping. I want her to rest and heal up. This isn't a new thing, though. Even before she was injured, it was me who would shoulder all the responsibility. What she did was amass things and throw garbage around and not think about the fact that she was giving her issues to me to deal with... It was a very unhealthy arrangement.
Like I said though, I didn't want her to help, but she could at least have asked family to come down and give me a hand. I ended up having to ask mine, which I am loathe to do... I've already had to rely on the help of friends and family a lot lately, and I really don't want to burden them with my issues any more than I already have.
I'm not used to being vulnerable... It's not a comfortable thing for me. Maybe that's a problem with me that I need to work on.
Today though, it was a very different experience. It was mostly just wiping things down, shampooing the carpet, etc. It looks great now! I feel much more stress free without that hanging over my head like so many things have been lately. I'm so thankful for the help I've gotten during this time in my life...
I do worry that I overstep any boundaries when it comes to how much I've asked of people lately, though. They've been absolutely there for me, and have helped me without question , but it irks me everytime I need to ask a favor.
Then again, I've always been there for them when they needed me; I guess you reap what you sow.
The more I went through the stuff, the more upset I was getting. I'd find things she had gifted to me over the years, and vice versa... Things that meant something at one time, other things that were afterthought gifts towards the end of our relationship, and so, so many things that just took up space.
I didn't miss the relationship, or anything about her in general. I think what was upsetting was how she just left it all there for me to handle, while she dissociated and disconnected.
Don't get me wrong... She has an injury, so she has a legitimate reason for not helping. I want her to rest and heal up. This isn't a new thing, though. Even before she was injured, it was me who would shoulder all the responsibility. What she did was amass things and throw garbage around and not think about the fact that she was giving her issues to me to deal with... It was a very unhealthy arrangement.
Like I said though, I didn't want her to help, but she could at least have asked family to come down and give me a hand. I ended up having to ask mine, which I am loathe to do... I've already had to rely on the help of friends and family a lot lately, and I really don't want to burden them with my issues any more than I already have.
I'm not used to being vulnerable... It's not a comfortable thing for me. Maybe that's a problem with me that I need to work on.
Today though, it was a very different experience. It was mostly just wiping things down, shampooing the carpet, etc. It looks great now! I feel much more stress free without that hanging over my head like so many things have been lately. I'm so thankful for the help I've gotten during this time in my life...
I do worry that I overstep any boundaries when it comes to how much I've asked of people lately, though. They've been absolutely there for me, and have helped me without question , but it irks me everytime I need to ask a favor.
Then again, I've always been there for them when they needed me; I guess you reap what you sow.
