PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
It's been a pretty much, extremely long time, since I announced to the forum that I was exploring a transgender identity, and how I supported LGBT+ in general.
Things were kind of going alright. But then, it seemed like I was experiencing very high amounts of gender dysphoria after awhile, some time after my announcement.
Something else kind of happened, too. I've had some past health issues, but I started acting just a little loopy even for myself. I could have been under a great deal of stress, with everything.
Actually, from what I can tell though, I developed long Covid very early on, before people were talking it up to be a huge problem in the US, and I was kind of in denial about it.
Also, someone might ask why I wasn't tested. But I've actually been tested for Covid many times, and the results were so mixed to the point where I found the tests unreliable. So I've been tested off and on for it, over time.
So there were two things going on. I may have had Covid, and kind of not been thinking straight, to the point where I allowed myself to get stressed, and I was also kind of losing some kind of battle with gender dysphoria, somehow.
The strange thing of it all however, is that Covid free, I struggle with the questions and battle about gender, less. I'm not saying I don't have my struggles. Just that generally, I can better think about them and conquer them, I feel.
From what I can tell, I got over long Covid, after a very long time and I don't really want to say how long because I don't want to scare people. Afterwards, I faced two more mini-illnesses, which I think could have been Covid, but those passed much faster. And I seem to be going pretty well right now.
So back to the gender thing. I'm just not feeling gender dysphoria, for now, like I used to. There are actually some things about being feminine, if I press them a bit too far, that can make me uncomfortable but going the other direction. Another concern for me has been the political side of transitioning - like what if I really started to rely on Hormone Replacement Therapy, and it somehow got banned in the country or state due to being a politicized thing, or more likely, for another reason, I could no longer get it despite it not being banned?
So I'm currently not on Hormone Replacement Therapy any more, by choice. I'm also not fighting with myself about ideas of body image and gender. Even in cases where I don't go out of my way to look feminine.
If anything, a couple of people have told me that I'm more androgynous in personality, and I wonder if my "being fine with either, to some extent", could mean that I'm actually Gender Fluid. I've thought about the whole Non-Binary label too, whether I am, but I just don't really feel I identify with that.
One thing I have learned though, is I've met some cool friends along the way, who taught me how I can look and act feminine, if I feel like I should, without the hormone pills.
Things were kind of going alright. But then, it seemed like I was experiencing very high amounts of gender dysphoria after awhile, some time after my announcement.
Something else kind of happened, too. I've had some past health issues, but I started acting just a little loopy even for myself. I could have been under a great deal of stress, with everything.
Actually, from what I can tell though, I developed long Covid very early on, before people were talking it up to be a huge problem in the US, and I was kind of in denial about it.
Also, someone might ask why I wasn't tested. But I've actually been tested for Covid many times, and the results were so mixed to the point where I found the tests unreliable. So I've been tested off and on for it, over time.
So there were two things going on. I may have had Covid, and kind of not been thinking straight, to the point where I allowed myself to get stressed, and I was also kind of losing some kind of battle with gender dysphoria, somehow.
The strange thing of it all however, is that Covid free, I struggle with the questions and battle about gender, less. I'm not saying I don't have my struggles. Just that generally, I can better think about them and conquer them, I feel.
From what I can tell, I got over long Covid, after a very long time and I don't really want to say how long because I don't want to scare people. Afterwards, I faced two more mini-illnesses, which I think could have been Covid, but those passed much faster. And I seem to be going pretty well right now.
So back to the gender thing. I'm just not feeling gender dysphoria, for now, like I used to. There are actually some things about being feminine, if I press them a bit too far, that can make me uncomfortable but going the other direction. Another concern for me has been the political side of transitioning - like what if I really started to rely on Hormone Replacement Therapy, and it somehow got banned in the country or state due to being a politicized thing, or more likely, for another reason, I could no longer get it despite it not being banned?
So I'm currently not on Hormone Replacement Therapy any more, by choice. I'm also not fighting with myself about ideas of body image and gender. Even in cases where I don't go out of my way to look feminine.
If anything, a couple of people have told me that I'm more androgynous in personality, and I wonder if my "being fine with either, to some extent", could mean that I'm actually Gender Fluid. I've thought about the whole Non-Binary label too, whether I am, but I just don't really feel I identify with that.
One thing I have learned though, is I've met some cool friends along the way, who taught me how I can look and act feminine, if I feel like I should, without the hormone pills.
