Mom arrested for storming into school to confront her son's bullies

A mom stormed into school to confront child's classmates over bullying. She was arrested

Frustrated by what she believes was bullying of her third-grade son, with fewer than three weeks left of school, Jamie Rathburn entered Greenbrier Elementary School and emotionally confronted his classmates.

She left the scene and was arrested three days later, when she was charged with disturbing schools and booked into the Greenville County Detention Center before being released on a personal recognizance bond, according to a police report.

Rathburn said she regrets her actions but remains concerned about bullying for her son and other children, and she said she's disappointed in the response she's gotten from the Greenville County school district.

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Rathburn first sent an email to her son's teacher in December, she said. One of her son's classmates had picked on him about his hair, she alleged.

"Picking becomes bullying really quickly nowadays, and I've taught my kids not to tolerate it, so before something transpires could you address it," Rathburn asked in an email she shared with The Greenville News.

But classmates continued to bully her son throughout the school year, she said. She said he said he was called names, hit with a computer and jerked backwards off a slide by his throat at one point. He had bad days at school about three days every week, Rathburn said.

After one incident where a student was allegedly making faces at her son, a teacher said he told Rathburn's son to "ignore him, stay away and be the bigger man, and I think it will stop," and the teacher offered to speak with Rathburn if she had further concerns, according to an email Rathburn shared.

But by May, Rathburn's frustration reached a boiling point. She told administrators at Greenbrier that she was considering reporting them for not addressing the bullying situation, she told The Greenville News and wrote in an email to Brian Sherman, the assistant to the superintendent for the school district. She said that in response to her complaints, administrators separated her son on the playground so they could more easily watch him.

It was the next day that Rathburn entered the school before the morning bell.

Rathburn said she does not know if her son's alleged bullies have been disciplined.

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I have somewhat mixed feelings about this. For one thing, the mother was correct in that the school should have enforced the rules and kept order among the students. Schools tend to be somewhat lax on discipline.

But she did violate the law by going into the school without permission.

Moreover, for a kid being bullied, to have his mom come in to confront his tormentors - that could just as easily set him up for more bullying.

And the way this was described, it was clearly more than simple bullying, which implies a 1-on-1 situation. This is more a case of several kids ganging up on one kid. Perhaps if the school has anti-gang policies, they can be punished on that basis.

I'll confess that I was bullied when I was a kid, not just in school but also at home. However, I had to learn to stand up for myself and fight back. That was a well-known theme in popular culture, too - from sitcoms and movies. At least when I was a kid, the school rules allowed for that. If there was a fight, whoever threw the first punch would get punished (if they were seen as the aggressor), while there would be no punishment for simply defending yourself.

However, school policies changed at some point where it was decided that both parties in a fight should be punished, even the one who is defending oneself. But if the schools aren't going to intervene or do anything when it comes to bullying or verbal aggression, then they should probably loosen up on their rules against fighting. Simply "ignoring" someone who is verbally aggressive isn't really enough.

Thoughts?

Stevicus said:

A mom stormed into school to confront child's classmates over bullying. She was arrested





I have somewhat mixed feelings about this. For one thing, the mother was correct in that the school should have enforced the rules and kept order among the students. Schools tend to be somewhat lax on discipline.

But she did violate the law by going into the school without permission.

Moreover, for a kid being bullied, to have his mom come in to confront his tormentors - that could just as easily set him up for more bullying.

And the way this was described, it was clearly more than simple bullying, which implies a 1-on-1 situation. This is more a case of several kids ganging up on one kid. Perhaps if the school has anti-gang policies, they can be punished on that basis.

I'll confess that I was bullied when I was a kid, not just in school but also at home. However, I had to learn to stand up for myself and fight back. That was a well-known theme in popular culture, too - from sitcoms and movies. At least when I was a kid, the school rules allowed for that. If there was a fight, whoever threw the first punch would get punished (if they were seen as the aggressor), while there would be no punishment for simply defending yourself.

However, school policies changed at some point where it was decided that both parties in a fight should be punished, even the one who is defending oneself. But if the schools aren't going to intervene or do anything when it comes to bullying or verbal aggression, then they should probably loosen up on their rules against fighting. Simply "ignoring" someone who is verbally aggressive isn't really enough.

Thoughts?

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She was right and so were the school rules. The law is a compromise. Kids who bully don't understand their own actions usually, but you still want to gut punch them. Very often bullying is more of a perception. It can be that the kids are trying to be friendly and get his attention. Being called a name or slapped it isn't necessarily an aggressive action, but knowing whats really happening is not easy. This kid needs to be pulled out of the class and assessed for social skills. Maybe those other kids do, too. Some may need specific deficits looked after.

Stevicus said:

A mom stormed into school to confront child's classmates over bullying. She was arrested





I have somewhat mixed feelings about this. For one thing, the mother was correct in that the school should have enforced the rules and kept order among the students. Schools tend to be somewhat lax on discipline.

But she did violate the law by going into the school without permission.

Moreover, for a kid being bullied, to have his mom come in to confront his tormentors - that could just as easily set him up for more bullying.

And the way this was described, it was clearly more than simple bullying, which implies a 1-on-1 situation. This is more a case of several kids ganging up on one kid. Perhaps if the school has anti-gang policies, they can be punished on that basis.

I'll confess that I was bullied when I was a kid, not just in school but also at home. However, I had to learn to stand up for myself and fight back. That was a well-known theme in popular culture, too - from sitcoms and movies. At least when I was a kid, the school rules allowed for that. If there was a fight, whoever threw the first punch would get punished (if they were seen as the aggressor), while there would be no punishment for simply defending yourself.

However, school policies changed at some point where it was decided that both parties in a fight should be punished, even the one who is defending oneself. But if the schools aren't going to intervene or do anything when it comes to bullying or verbal aggression, then they should probably loosen up on their rules against fighting. Simply "ignoring" someone who is verbally aggressive isn't really enough.

Thoughts?

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If she had already reported the bullying to the school without results, she should have had her lawyer write a letter to the Superintendent of Schools with a cease and desist request.

Brickjectivity said:

Very often bullying is more of a perception. It can be that the kids are trying to be friendly and get his attention. Being called a name or slapped it isn't necessarily an aggressive action, but knowing whats really happening is not easy. This kid needs to be pulled out of the class and assessed for social skills. Maybe those other kids do, too.

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I think this is simply a terrible opinion to hold. You're basically victim-blaming here... saying that maybe the kid just "misinterpreted" those other kids grabbing him by the throat and tossing him off the slide. Maybe they were "trying to be friendly" - right? One would have to be pretty much nutso to hold such an opinion.

Bullies are the ones less able to reason through things, is my take. Either they haven't been properly prepared for moral discernment, or they are pushing through such discernment using borderline-sociopathic/sadistic coping mechanisms - like getting a rise out of someone else's discomfort or pain. In other words... they aren't too bright in the areas of empathy/morality/cooperation. Sure they might even be relatively "smart" in other areas... but they're morons in those departments. Very underdeveloped. This can be seen in the number of stories one hears in which the former bully comes to regret their actions later in life, after they've had a chance to mature and get their act together. After they've had the "real world" (outside of school) kick them in the balls a few times.

People who confuse aggression with attempts at "friendship" are completely dumb in the moments they take such aggressive action hoping for a positive outcome. I should know, when I was a kid I tried it a few times... and looking back even shortly after it seemed like I couldn't have been more stupid in the situation. And I learned from those mistakes... which is a place we all need to help these bullies to get to - a place where the negative consequences of their actions are immediately known and pushed on them. Ostracization, chastisement, targeted emotional anger and rejection. That's what they need. Not hand-holding, and "oh you poor thing, life must be so tough for you." They need social smack-down, and for it to be known that the world surrounding them isn't going to put up with their crap.

A Vestigial Mote said:

Not hand-holding, and "oh you poor thing, life must be so tough for you." They need social smack-down, and for it to be known that the world surrounding them isn't going to put up with their crap.

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If they are bullying then yes I agree. Moms raging into the school and yelling will not help of course. I'm sure we agree.

A Vestigial Mote said:

.... You're basically victim-blaming here... saying that maybe the kid just "misinterpreted" those other kids grabbing him by the throat and tossing him off the slide. Maybe they were "trying to be friendly" - right? One would have to be pretty much nutso to hold such an opinion.

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No I'm not victim blaming as far as I know, and I have a valid point, two actually. Recall that I said the child should be pulled out of the situation and assessed, not left in it. There could be real bullying going on. I made a valid point that often kids don't realize they are bullies. That's true. Also very often a socially backward student can misunderstand attempts at friendship as an aggression. That is true, not victim blame. I do not suggest that they be left in such a situation. I do not blame them. They should, however be assessed for their own good. If they mistake friendly attempts as aggression then that can affect them for all of their lives, and that does happen to socially awkward people.

A Vestigial Mote said:

Either they haven't been properly prepared for moral discernment, or they are pushing through such discernment using borderline-sociopathic/sadistic coping mechanisms

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The accused bullies should be assessed and their deficits attended to as you point out and as I have already. If they are bullying then yes. I'm not talking about hand holding and poor-you-ing.

A Vestigial Mote said:

People who confuse aggression with attempts at "friendship" are completely dumb in the moments they take such aggressive action hoping for a positive outcome.

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The reverse is also true. I have personally as a kid mistaken many friendship attempts for aggression. Its not only me, because I share genes in common with other humans. Again, take the bullied kid out of the situation, yes. Also assess if they have a social deficit. Do they just not understand? Maybe some counseling will improve their lives and help.

Brickjectivity said:

I

The reverse is also true. I have personally as a kid mistaken many friendship attempts for aggression. Its not only me, because I share genes in common with other humans.

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Not to make this about me, but re bullying-

I was the smallest and youngest in the class
when I started 8th grade in the USA.

There was bullying of different sorts, girls
that age are awful! But there was only
one incident of physical bullying.

I had been taught just a few of the most
basic sort of "kung fu" things, but, one
quick demo, plus me being from Hong Kong,
and, my rep was as a dangerous girl to pick on!

Brickjectivity said:

If they are bullying then yes I agree. Moms raging into the school and yelling will not help of course. I'm sure we agree.

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You're right... the mom should never have had to take those kids to task... the educators should have been on top of it. Instead we have people falling down, making mistakes all over the place. In my experience a lot of teachers can't be trusted to do right by students having issues socially. Most often what I see is absolutely nothing being done. Reports from my own kids and other parents and other kids over the years indicates that things happen, and there is either no one there to witness, or a blind eye is turned. You don't know how many times I have asked the question - "And did anyone see this?" Reports of fights breaking out in the hallway, and kids rushing to doors in droves to watch, teachers unable to do almost anything because of the number of students involved - that's some of the worst, and I guarantee it was only allowed to get to that point because people were lax, let small things happen, which built on other things, which became the plausibility of all-out anarchy as an expectation of the kids at the school.

Brickjectivity said:

No I'm not victim blaming as far as I know, and I have a valid point, two actually. Recall that I said the child should be pulled out of the situation and assessed, not left in it. There could be real bullying going on. I made a valid point that often kids don't realize they are bullies. That's true. Also very often a socially backward student can misunderstand attempts at friendship as an aggression. That is true, not victim blame.

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Did you read the part about the kid reporting being jerked off the slide by his throat? If you had, I don't think you would have turned to "He needs assessed to see if maybe he's misinterpreting." or "Maybe those bullies don't know that they are bullying." If someone can "not know" that they are being overly aggressive and a bully when they grab someone by the throat and throw them off of a slide then that person (kid or no) is a threat to society at large and needs to be separated from normalcy entirely.

Brickjectivity said:

The reverse is also true. I have personally as a kid mistaken many friendship attempts for aggression. Its not only me, because I share genes in common with other humans. Again, take the bullied kid out of the situation, yes. Also assess if they have a social deficit. Do they just not understand? Maybe some counseling will improve their lives and help.

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To my mind it all smacks of a deficit in reasoning skills. Unless the counseling for any of these supposed conditions includes a heavy does of training in using reason and how to think yourself through things to logical/realistic conclusions then it is potentially going to be worthless.

Like all bullying stories, this one lacks detail. We don't know very much at all about the kid, the mother, or the bullies. Maybe Mom went off her meds. Maybe the kid had social habit patterns that attracted bullying. Maybe the bullies were indeed a vicious army of thugs looking for any victim they could find.

In 28 years of teaching, I probably dealt with 100 cases of 'bullying', and each one was unique.

Audie said:

Not to make this about me, but re bullying-

I was the smallest and youngest in the class
when I started 8th grade in the USA.

There was bullying of different sorts, girls
that age are awful! But there was only
one incident of physical bullying.

I had been taught just a few of the most
basic sort of "kung fu" things, but, one
quick demo, plus me being from Hong Kong,
and, my rep was as a dangerous girl to pick on!

Click to expand...

It is true that bullies always pick on the most vulnerable and avoid those they fear.
However the problem is how to teach the vulnerable not to be so.
And re educate the bully into more socially acceptable behaviour.
It would seem that most schools have given up on both those aspects of education.

No wonder mothers take things into their own hands.

Like you I never had that as a problem as I could well take care of myself,
but never had to, after a few days at a new school.

Terrywoodenpic said:

It is true that bullies always pick on the most vulnerable and avoid those they fear.
However the problem is how to teach the vulnerable not to be so.
And re educate the bully into more socially acceptable behaviour.
It would seem that most schools have given up on both those aspects of education.

No wonder mothers take things into their own hands.

Like you I never had that as a problem as I could well take care of myself,
but never had to, after a few days at a new school.

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In my case I was basically faking it, I mostly got
lucky that time. I was no match for the big kids,
but it was fine, them thinking I was more capable
than I was.

Mom ad taught me, do not react, let them
get so confident that when you do move, they
will be totally unprepared. She was so surprised
to land on the floor, it was funny seeing her face!

I was also lucky that this nice blonde kid decided
he was my protector and anyone who messed
with me had him to deal with!

Back to the topic, for all of the down side, I do wish
more parents would GO to the school, and DO
something. The ones whose kids commit suicide,
or have their lives deeply damaged probably wish
they had done something.

A Vestigial Mote said:

You're right... the mom should never have had to take those kids to task... the educators should have been on top of it. Instead we have people falling down, making mistakes all over the place. In my experience a lot of teachers can't be trusted to do right by students having issues socially. Most often what I see is absolutely nothing being done. Reports from my own kids and other parents and other kids over the years indicates that things happen, and there is either no one there to witness, or a blind eye is turned. You don't know how many times I have asked the question - "And did anyone see this?" Reports of fights breaking out in the hallway, and kids rushing to doors in droves to watch, teachers unable to do almost anything because of the number of students involved - that's some of the worst, and I guarantee it was only allowed to get to that point because people were lax, let small things happen, which built on other things, which became the plausibility of all-out anarchy as an expectation of the kids at the school.

Click to expand...

I had a teacher who told my mom it was just part of a pecking order among children. Fortunately for me she didn't accept that, and I got out of the school the next year.

A Vestigial Mote said:

Did you read the part about the kid reporting being jerked off the slide by his throat? If you had, I don't think you would have turned to "He needs assessed to see if maybe he's misinterpreting." or "Maybe those bullies don't know that they are bullying." If someone can "not know" that they are being overly aggressive and a bully when they grab someone by the throat and throw them off of a slide then that person (kid or no) is a threat to society at large and needs to be separated from normalcy entirely.

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I did and agree that is clear bullying.

A Vestigial Mote said:

To my mind it all smacks of a deficit in reasoning skills. Unless the counseling for any of these supposed conditions includes a heavy does of training in using reason and how to think yourself through things to logical/realistic conclusions then it is potentially going to be worthless.

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Probably.

Audie said:

I do wish
more parents would GO to the school, and DO
something.

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Exactly.
A huge part of the problem is parents expecting the school to raise their kids.

I blame feminists for requiring women to get jobs with paychecks instead of raising their own kids, and parents relying on schools and media and kids' peers to do it for them.
Tom

Stevicus said:

A mom stormed into school to confront child's classmates over bullying. She was arrested





I have somewhat mixed feelings about this. For one thing, the mother was correct in that the school should have enforced the rules and kept order among the students. Schools tend to be somewhat lax on discipline.

But she did violate the law by going into the school without permission.

Moreover, for a kid being bullied, to have his mom come in to confront his tormentors - that could just as easily set him up for more bullying.

And the way this was described, it was clearly more than simple bullying, which implies a 1-on-1 situation. This is more a case of several kids ganging up on one kid. Perhaps if the school has anti-gang policies, they can be punished on that basis.

I'll confess that I was bullied when I was a kid, not just in school but also at home. However, I had to learn to stand up for myself and fight back. That was a well-known theme in popular culture, too - from sitcoms and movies. At least when I was a kid, the school rules allowed for that. If there was a fight, whoever threw the first punch would get punished (if they were seen as the aggressor), while there would be no punishment for simply defending yourself.

However, school policies changed at some point where it was decided that both parties in a fight should be punished, even the one who is defending oneself. But if the schools aren't going to intervene or do anything when it comes to bullying or verbal aggression, then they should probably loosen up on their rules against fighting. Simply "ignoring" someone who is verbally aggressive isn't really enough.

Thoughts?

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Tell the kid to stand up to them and pound the **** out of them.

When I was a counselor, it was quite common, when intervening in an ongoing personality conflict, interviewing each kid separately, to have each accuse the other of bullying, and portray themselves as the victim.

columbus said:

Exactly.
A huge part of the problem is parents expecting the school to raise their kids.

I blame feminists for requiring women to get jobs with paychecks instead of raising their own kids, and parents relying on schools and media and kids' peers to do it for them.
Tom

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There was a brand of feminista who were all about how
women could be superwomen, holding executive positoins
and be soccer moms too. I guess, I was not around for that.
But there was a slogan, "bring home the bacon and cook
it too".

I think it is economics that forces women to go to work.

columbus said:

Exactly.
A huge part of the problem is parents expecting the school to raise their kids.

I blame feminists for requiring women to get jobs with paychecks instead of raising their own kids, and parents relying on schools and media and kids' peers to do it for them.
Tom

Click to expand...

Bullying existed in schools even back when most were stay at home moms.

Audie said:

I think it is economics that forces women to go to work.

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Yes.
But feminism was a huge driving force in economics a few decades ago.

Women who "settled" for homemaker and child care were disparaged by feminists. As more women went into the job market, we got "stagflation". Stagnant wages and huge inflation of consumer goods prices. Which forced more women into the job market, just to keep up.
Women who used to take care of the house and raise kids and fix nutritious food. Feminism made that nearly impossible.
Tom

sooda said:

Bullying existed in schools even back when most were stay at home moms.

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But parents didn't expect the schools to do everything.
Did this mother confront the parents of the bully? Or did she assume that it was the school's responsibility to raise her kid?
Tom