Pozessed
Todd
The woman I was with for 11 years has decided to leave me. We have been living in Georgia for the last 9 years because I have family here that rents to us at a more than affordable rate. Her heart has always been in Ohio with her family. Last week she was happy with us from what I could gather, and this week I get nothing but scorn and anger. Her grandfather passed away a little more than a month ago which has created a lot of emotional stress. We compounded the stress by deciding to move states away from the family we have grown with for the last nine years to be with her grandmother during her time of need and because we both felt it was time to move to Ohio.
I messed up by being caught up in myself and my emotions that I didn't consider what she needed from me. I was less consoling than I needed to be. My head has been stuck on the idea that I am going to miss my family in Georgia. I just haven't wrapped my head around it because they mean so much to me. The stories she has about her family and how they treated her made me weary of their company. Not that they were bad people, but she made them out to be disinterested in her and contentious with how temperamental and argumentative she gets. I don't think I ever got over that because my family is quite the opposite. My mother and her were closer than her mother and her. My family does not consider blood and biology the only thing to make a person part of our family. That being said, she didn't get along with all of my family, and they were around often. She felt as though my brothers only talked to her out of obligation. And they admit that they find her hard to communicate with and always have but they grew to tolerate her and accept her for who she was. She has had a hard time finding and keeping friends for the same reasons. Wow... That paragraph should have been seen by an 11 year younger me.
Looking back I didn't get in this relationship with any expectations other than I want someone faithful and honest. She was those things. And dedicated to me, and our 2 children. We would talk constantly up until recently. I grew distant. Not her. She wanted more from me, and somehow for some reason I was negligent. And I know how she gets fixated on an emotion and lets it fester into a giant reaction. And that's exactly what happened. 3 weeks into our 8 week transition to Ohio and I missed countless calls from her. I was spending time with my family and taking care of our oldest child in Georgia while she was comforting her Grandmother in Ohio with our youngest. I made her feel taken for granted and taken for a fool, which I am nothing but shameful for. Now because of this our 2 children have to suffer. My family that considers her family has to suffer. I wish things weren't ending. Especially when it seems like such an easy to understand situation but apparently not so easy to forgive.
She says I have been isolating myself for years. Which is true. I have an office that I escaped to after she got off work so I would get a break from the children. Considering I was the homemaker in our relationship, I thought it was fair. She said she did at times and at others she hated it. I can get caught up in hobbies for hours and weeks on end. I always tried to take care of all the responsibilities but I am a bit of a procrastinator at times and failed to meet many expectations. She claimed I made her feel like she had to be a mother to me. I can agree to a small point but not really. We worked well because we typically took on any task 50/50. I don't know when that changed but it did apparently and now this is a new reality.
She says she is done with me. She wants to be alone and out of any relationship. In the time I have left her alone she has had time to reflect and she feels like I am not what she wants in her future. She says she is out of love with me. I don't believe her, but I have no choice but to accept what she says. I don't believe her because she has always been genuine, and so hot headed that she can't hide her emotions well. I think every time she said she loved me, it was real. Including the recent weeks. Up until this week when she is wanting to scream she is not in love with me anymore. It's hard, but I am trying to give her the space she needs. What makes this so hard to comprehend is it is happening over the phone and through text. After 11 years, you'd think there would be a better conclusion.
So now all I have left to focus on is me and my children. She says she wants a clean and unmessy custody agreement. I couldn't agree more. I'm afraid that I don't know her anymore and that she is going to eventually try to prevent me from seeing my kids as an equal parent. That won't be fair, I have been nothing but a devoted full time father. But, I have heard way too often that "unwed fathers have almost no rights regarding their biological child" that I am beyond terrified. Now I feel like I need to move to Ohio just to be close to my children. I'm afraid that she is going to try and hurt me just because she can. I don't know if she will, but she knows I am fragile regarding her and my children. And I expect someone who hurts me will want to keep hurting me until I remove myself or am removed.
I'm doing my best not to be vindictive or spiteful. I don't want to create anymore animosity than I already have. That has not been easy only because I'm not used to being this hurt and she seems to just be trying to push my buttons.. I want to prepare myself to be the best example of a father that I can be. I have been failing in some ways on that, but not others. I think I can finally get some balls rolling on some things that I didn't think I'd be able to accomplish with her until we were more grounded. One thing I am certain of is that I can bounce back from this. I love her, and she makes me happy, and I want to continue to make her happy. But sometime ago we became somewhat toxic for one another. We argued more than we used to, and we stopped helping each other through our down falls. She was my best friend and I wish I could tell her how I feel and for her to tell me that we can mend this. But that is far from what she wants. She has calmly like made that clear. I am not gonna keep pressing the issue, all I can do is be as successful as I can dream. Keeping in mind that if we were meant to be we would be. Since we are not meant to be I know where I need to put my mind.
Sorry for the wall. I have a lot on my mind and I find writing and reading mostly unbiased replies helps me cope with life at times. I haven't been to this site in a long while because faith has not been on my mind lately. But when I did come here frequently the community opened my mind regarding faith in ways that I am grateful for.
I messed up by being caught up in myself and my emotions that I didn't consider what she needed from me. I was less consoling than I needed to be. My head has been stuck on the idea that I am going to miss my family in Georgia. I just haven't wrapped my head around it because they mean so much to me. The stories she has about her family and how they treated her made me weary of their company. Not that they were bad people, but she made them out to be disinterested in her and contentious with how temperamental and argumentative she gets. I don't think I ever got over that because my family is quite the opposite. My mother and her were closer than her mother and her. My family does not consider blood and biology the only thing to make a person part of our family. That being said, she didn't get along with all of my family, and they were around often. She felt as though my brothers only talked to her out of obligation. And they admit that they find her hard to communicate with and always have but they grew to tolerate her and accept her for who she was. She has had a hard time finding and keeping friends for the same reasons. Wow... That paragraph should have been seen by an 11 year younger me.
Looking back I didn't get in this relationship with any expectations other than I want someone faithful and honest. She was those things. And dedicated to me, and our 2 children. We would talk constantly up until recently. I grew distant. Not her. She wanted more from me, and somehow for some reason I was negligent. And I know how she gets fixated on an emotion and lets it fester into a giant reaction. And that's exactly what happened. 3 weeks into our 8 week transition to Ohio and I missed countless calls from her. I was spending time with my family and taking care of our oldest child in Georgia while she was comforting her Grandmother in Ohio with our youngest. I made her feel taken for granted and taken for a fool, which I am nothing but shameful for. Now because of this our 2 children have to suffer. My family that considers her family has to suffer. I wish things weren't ending. Especially when it seems like such an easy to understand situation but apparently not so easy to forgive.
She says I have been isolating myself for years. Which is true. I have an office that I escaped to after she got off work so I would get a break from the children. Considering I was the homemaker in our relationship, I thought it was fair. She said she did at times and at others she hated it. I can get caught up in hobbies for hours and weeks on end. I always tried to take care of all the responsibilities but I am a bit of a procrastinator at times and failed to meet many expectations. She claimed I made her feel like she had to be a mother to me. I can agree to a small point but not really. We worked well because we typically took on any task 50/50. I don't know when that changed but it did apparently and now this is a new reality.
She says she is done with me. She wants to be alone and out of any relationship. In the time I have left her alone she has had time to reflect and she feels like I am not what she wants in her future. She says she is out of love with me. I don't believe her, but I have no choice but to accept what she says. I don't believe her because she has always been genuine, and so hot headed that she can't hide her emotions well. I think every time she said she loved me, it was real. Including the recent weeks. Up until this week when she is wanting to scream she is not in love with me anymore. It's hard, but I am trying to give her the space she needs. What makes this so hard to comprehend is it is happening over the phone and through text. After 11 years, you'd think there would be a better conclusion.
So now all I have left to focus on is me and my children. She says she wants a clean and unmessy custody agreement. I couldn't agree more. I'm afraid that I don't know her anymore and that she is going to eventually try to prevent me from seeing my kids as an equal parent. That won't be fair, I have been nothing but a devoted full time father. But, I have heard way too often that "unwed fathers have almost no rights regarding their biological child" that I am beyond terrified. Now I feel like I need to move to Ohio just to be close to my children. I'm afraid that she is going to try and hurt me just because she can. I don't know if she will, but she knows I am fragile regarding her and my children. And I expect someone who hurts me will want to keep hurting me until I remove myself or am removed.
I'm doing my best not to be vindictive or spiteful. I don't want to create anymore animosity than I already have. That has not been easy only because I'm not used to being this hurt and she seems to just be trying to push my buttons.. I want to prepare myself to be the best example of a father that I can be. I have been failing in some ways on that, but not others. I think I can finally get some balls rolling on some things that I didn't think I'd be able to accomplish with her until we were more grounded. One thing I am certain of is that I can bounce back from this. I love her, and she makes me happy, and I want to continue to make her happy. But sometime ago we became somewhat toxic for one another. We argued more than we used to, and we stopped helping each other through our down falls. She was my best friend and I wish I could tell her how I feel and for her to tell me that we can mend this. But that is far from what she wants. She has calmly like made that clear. I am not gonna keep pressing the issue, all I can do is be as successful as I can dream. Keeping in mind that if we were meant to be we would be. Since we are not meant to be I know where I need to put my mind.
Sorry for the wall. I have a lot on my mind and I find writing and reading mostly unbiased replies helps me cope with life at times. I haven't been to this site in a long while because faith has not been on my mind lately. But when I did come here frequently the community opened my mind regarding faith in ways that I am grateful for.
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