I am a mess and broken, but I'm not self destructive or dysfunctional, or a danger to others. Though having episodes borders on dysfunction, I guess and is a reason I would consider therapy again. I don't agree that thinking life is meaningless without god is a mental health problem though. Many...
I have seen a psychologist, and they helped me out of a very dark hole in the aftermath. That's why I know about thinking patterns etc. Compared to those days I am doing great. Maybe I need to do the therapy again...
Interestingly my dream explained the resurrection of Christ in a similar way. He said that every time someone expresses selflessness and love, he lives, because that is what his life represented.
I think its ten to fifteen years, not sure. But some ways of thinking are so ingrained. For example, we used to use a certain name for god, and uncertainty about the name is one of the reasons I started to doubt, but even now if something terrible or frightening happens, I find myself praying in...
I guess I grew up trying to please god, and those thought patterns are ingrained. If my experience yesterday was similar to that of Daniel, God might be saying that I am greatly beloved, and that would mean my existence has meaning.
My favorite scripture is where a prophet called Daniel prays, and an angel is sent to answer his prayer:
"Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation...
I think growing up in a cult really messed up my thinking patterns, hence the black and white, truth and lie views, and my perspective that reality is cold.
There was one way that was truth, and everything else was false and evil. The cult said: Do x and you have hope and safety.
The cult...
I wish it was divine with all my heart, that's why I cried during the episode. I need a God. Maybe it's my personality or childhood conditioning, I'm not sure. My heart feels it was an answer.
But reason, logic and an aversion to religious lies borne from ambiguity and leaps of faith have...
I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.
Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I...
I'm not sure if I'm the right person to comment here, since I don't have a set in stone path, but here is my experience.
I am currently quite lost, and I switch between atheism and spirituality almost on a daily basis, causing a fever dream haze of confusion.
I am isolated, having been shunned...
A poem I wrote for a friend while secretly brimming with doubt's myself.
When I...
When the cold hand of darkness is upon me
Lord, your mere thought of me sets me free
When I push you away in my selfishness
Dear Father, your love for me is never less
When I drown in loneliness and depression...
I created this account a while back I think, but I got distracted and never posted, so I'm new here.
I've got a lot of questions, and not much answers, so I probably won't be very active. I'll probably just read a lot.