Why would you get married?

[Trailblazer]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, single and happy with no desire to get married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

If you are young or old, and single and unhappy being single, and you have a desire to get married, please explain why you have a desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

 

[Secret Chief]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, and single and happy with no desire to be married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

After putting up with me for about 30 years my partner suggested it (a civil partnership) cos it puts you on an equal legal footing (with marriage) regarding boring things like pension payments should a demise occur. Romantic huh? Anyway twas a lovely thing. And involved cake.
Basically a legally recognised arrangement protects both parties.

 

[Trailblazer]

Anyway twas a lovely thing.

So what is your marital status now and your feelings about it, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Secret Chief]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, single and happy with no desire to get married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

If you are young or old, and single and unhappy being single, and you have a desire to get married, please explain why you have a desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

(Whoops. Clarified my post).

 

[Secret Chief]

So what is your marital status now and your feelings about it, if you don't mind my asking?

Sorry, edited my post. We are in a "registered civil partnership."
We're both glad we did it. The option only became available to us in the UK in the last few years. Neither of us fancied the "traditional" wedding option due to past experiences, the religious aspect and the patriarchal implication.

- Marriages and civil partnerships in England and Wales

 

[JustGeorge]

After putting up with me for about 30 years my partner suggested it (civil partnership)cos it puts you on an equal legal footing (with marriage) regarding boring things like pension payments should a demise occur. Romantic huh? Anyway twas a lovely thing. And involved cake.
Basically a legally recognised arrangement protects both parties.

As if the cake wasn't benefit enough!

 

[Trailblazer]

Sorry, edited my post.
We're both glad we did it. The option only became available to us in the UK in the last few years. Neither of us fancied the "traditional" wedding option due to past experiences, the religious aspect and the patriarchal implication.

- Marriages and civil partnerships in England and Wales

So what is the essential difference between a marriage and a civil partnership in the UK?

Baha'is do not have a traditional wedding or traditional wedding vows but Baha'i marriage does require a marriage certificate in the United States, although I am not sure about other country requirements.

 

[JustGeorge]

So what is the essential difference between a marriage and a civil partnership in the UK?

Baha'is do not have a traditional wedding or traditional wedding vows but Baha'i marriage does require a marriage certificate in the United States, although I am not sure about other country requirements.

Are wedding ceremonies not allowed? Is there any way a marriage between Baha'is is marked other than a certificate? What if only one member of the couple is a Baha'i?

 

[Vinayaka]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, single and happy with no desire to get married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

If you are young or old, and single and unhappy being single, and you have a desire to get married, please explain why you have a desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

I see many reasons, and they vary a lot by person, or more accurately, by couple. Boss and I were discussing this just today, regarding divorcees, or widow(er)s. My Dad would have loved to re-marry, but not my Mom. Mom was fine being alone, while Dad was so very social. In our own cases, I can't see either one of us remarrying. We might hang out with a good friend a lot though.

As for original marriages, people also have a lot of reasons, one being the institution. These days the % of common-law marriages is high, and increasing. Three of my children are in that situation, and seem in very stable relationships. But other reasons are just a real fondness for the other person's company, shared interest, and an internal sense of demonstrating to the wider community that you're a committed monogamist. With younger souls, there is lust, money, good looks, forced marriage, and a whole host of other poor reasons.

I think gay people most likely have an additional reason, and that would be to demonstrate to the straight people that marriage is just as important to them as anyone else, as some straight folks don't see that or worse, condemn it.

 

[Secret Chief]

So what is the essential difference between a marriage and a civil partnership in the UK?

Baha'is do not have a traditional wedding or traditional wedding vows but Baha'i marriage does require a marriage certificate in the United States, although I am not sure about other country requirements.

As per the government link, it appears to be simply that civil partnership ceremonies can't have any religious element. Once you've signed on the dotted line there is no real difference.
A bit of background may help: civil partnerships were originally brought in for same sex couples as an alternative to weddings/marriages. Perhaps letting gay people get married would have offended God or something (more likely the tory party). Anyhoo, fast forward a bit and a heterosexual couple brought a case of illegal discrimination - that civil partnerships should be available to straights who did not want the traditional wedding. They won the case and bingo here we are. Although we are now spouses, we still refer to each other as "Oi." Sometimes we get referred to as husband / wife and generally it's simpler to just go with it. Not sure the terminology has quite caught up with the new development yet.

 

[Secret Chief]

As if the cake wasn't benefit enough!

I agreed on the understanding that there'd be no kale involved.

Weird. Just read this:

"Same-sex couples who registered their civil partnership in England and Wales can convert their civil partnership into a marriage. Opposite-sex civil partners can’t convert their civil partnership to a marriage."
- Registering a civil partnership

 

[Trailblazer]

Are wedding ceremonies not allowed? Is there any way a marriage between Baha'is is marked other than a certificate? What if only one member of the couple is a Baha'i?

There is a wedding ceremony but it is not like a church ceremony. In other words, people are invited and there is a cake and all that, but the only marriage vow that is read is "Verily we will all abide by the will of God."

I do not know how the Baha'i LSA (local spiritual assembly) who officiates the wedding records the marriage but it has to be recorded with the state in order to be official.

If only one of the member of the couple is a Baha'i, I think the Baha'i wedding would be conducted the same way, although there might be a second wedding ceremony if the other member has a different religion such as Christianity.

 

[Vinayaka]

There is a wedding ceremony but it is not like a church ceremony. In other words, people are invited and there is a cake and all that, but the only marriage vow that is read is "Verily we will all abide by the will of God."

I do not know how the Baha'i LSA (local spiritual assembly) who officiates the wedding records the marriage but it has to be recorded with the state in order to be official.

If only one of the member of the couple is a Baha'i, I think the Baha'i wedding would be conducted the same way, although there might be a second wedding ceremony if the other member has a different religion such as Christianity.

In Canada, the officiating person has to also hold a license or authorization to sign the legal documents. For a long time, Hindus and others had to have 2 marriages, because the government didn't have 'Hindu priest' listed as one of the official categories. That has changed now. Not sure about the US, but there would have to be some legality to it, I would think.

 

[Valjean]

Social pressure, conventionalism, sexual access, occasionally tax benefits.
I knew one couple whose parents were pressuring them to marry, which they agreed to do if their parents would give them their pick-up truck. Deal done.

I hear that in China, which used to value large families, thirty-five years of a one child policy has normalized small or childlessness families, and couples often see no benefit to marriage any more.

 

[Trailblazer]

In Canada, the officiating person has to also hold a license or authorization to sign the legal documents. For a long time, Hindus and others had to have 2 marriages, because the government didn't have 'Hindu priest' listed as one of the official categories. That has changed now. Not sure about the US, but there would have to be some legality to it, I would think.

I think that is true for a Baha'i wedding as I recall. Someone on the LSA has to sign the marriage certificate that is issued by the state.

 

[Vinayaka]

I think that is true for a Baha'i wedding as I recall. Someone on the LSA has to sign the marriage certificate that is issued by the state.

I looked Baha'i marriage up, and it said they had to rely on the laws of the country. I'm assuming any member of the LSA has signing authority. Here it's more complicated than that, as only the resident priest (for Hinduism) has signing authority, and the authority is not with the individual. I know of one marriage that isn't legal, because they used the retired priest. But most likely nobody would ever notice anyway. There are also many people (like justices of the peace) who do have the authority as an individual. I'm guessing there are more than a few marriages out there that aren't legal, and nobody knows or cares. I doubt that anyone in the statistics department verifies signatures, and all that.

 

[Trailblazer]

Social pressure, conventionalism, sexual access, occasionally tax benefits.

That explains why people might get married in the first place, but it does not explain why people would feel a need to remarry if they had gotten divorced or were widowed.

However, that raises a good point. I don't think that most people who were divorced or widowed feel a need to marry again, although most people do desire another long term relationship. I know this from being on several dating sites. Men want sex but they don't think they have to be married in order to have sex. In fact, in present-day society most people consider it perfectly acceptable to live together without getting married, and sex is part of the deal.

 

[Brickjectivity]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

There is a presenter on youtube who says women benefit from something she calls 'Masculine Containment'. This is what she believes men provide in a relationship. I imagine there is a similar 'Containment' women provide to men, too; a kind of symmetric provision. She also says that some women get their containment from groups or from family, so its not like they are going to fret without male partners. What I think is interesting is that she says there is a need not merely for friendship or sex but for a very close emotional or mental support involving exchange of ideas and talking about daily tasks and things like that. Its a very left brained description of "What women want," and it has me curious about how accurate her description is.

Spoiler: Masculine Containment

I have heard that marriage provides multiple needs for both men and women and provides a dimension of lifelong friendship. It also is historically a great way to connect families, to build business networks, to end feuds, to build tribal strength...and things like that. Two countries likely to go to war? Arrange for their dynasties to wed.

One could also envision marriage as an engine to produce world peace through careful reproduction of well disciplined and peace loving children. I see this as a reasonable interpretation of the scriptures in my bible. Rather than merely a tool for building connections or for making people happy, I see it as part of a religious conspiracy to peace-make the world.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, single and happy with no desire to get married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

If you are young or old, and single and unhappy being single, and you have a desire to get married, please explain why you have a desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

Although I am totally committed to my partner, marriage was never something I though would ever happen for me (being gay in the 1960s it wasn't something one really hoped for!).

However, because we file joint tax returns as spouses (common law), we are, under Canadian law, "equivalent to married." And as we discovered when he got really ill and was paralyzed from the neck down, that did indeed protect us, and give me rights to sign for him and so forth. This was important because at the same time there was his mother's will to be dealt with. As a spouse, I was able to handle all of this -- and this protected us in ways that I would not want to do without.

 

[Trailblazer]

I looked Baha'i marriage up, and it said they had to rely on the laws of the country. I'm assuming any member of the LSA has signing authority. Here it's more complicated than that, as only the resident priest (for Hinduism) has signing authority, and the authority is not with the individual. I know of one marriage that isn't legal, because they used the retired priest. But most likely nobody would ever notice anyway. There are also many people (like justices of the peace) who do have the authority as an individual. I'm guessing there are more than a few marriages out there that aren't legal, and nobody knows or cares. I doubt that anyone in the statistics department verifies signatures, and all that.

I don't really like talking about this, because my late husband passed on not long ago but since we are on the subject, I will tell you a story that people considered funny back when it occurred although it was not funny to me until I got it all resolved.

As I recall, about five years ago I was trying to sign up for my late husband's social security benefits, since I could get 50% of his social security from age 65 till age 70, rather than taking my own social security and having my benefit amount reduced. In order to apply, I had to have a marriage license, and I could not find one! So I contacted the Baha'i community where we had been married in El Cajon, CA, and they said they had no record of our marriage!

Then I contacted San Diego County clerk's office and they did not have any record of our marriage either. This got all around my office and I was telling people that I was worried because I might have been 'living in sin' for 32 years. Well, most people where I worked were Christians and they did not understand why I was worried, but since you know the Baha'i Laws on marriage I think you know why I might have been worried.

Mind you, it would not have been my fault if someone made a mistake and did not record the marriage, but if I had never taken out a license it could be my fault, and it could have had all kinds of legal ramifications. As the story turned out, my late husband asked me why not call the county clerk's office where we had been living when we got married, in Shasta County, CA, and when I called I found that is where I had taken out the marriage license and had it sent to me. We had been married all that time after all and I got my social security benefits. Now none of that seems to matter anymore.