I am a Sexist?

[Nakosis]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

 

[ChristineES]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

Well, I don't. I have noticed that when people speak to me, they speak in a softer tone than I hear them speaking to others. I am not sure if it's because I'm female or if it's the fact that I have a soft speaking voice. Either way, I am not offended.

 

[SomeRandom]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

I don't know. I mean are you less combative because you think that the female in question can't cope with it (or will not cope as well as a man?) Or is this some sort of chivalry thing, a culturally learned respect thing?

 

[Riverwolf]

I don't believe a person can be a sexist without habitual degrading of women (to varying degrees; all sexism is inherently bad, but not all sexism is equally bad), independent of culturally learned behaviors. By which I mean, if you make every attempt to stop your culturally learned behaviors that have since been labeled as "sexist", after learning of their status as such, then you're not a sexist.

I'm a feminist, but even I still fall into certain culturally learned sexist behaviors (such as instinctively assuming women/biosex females need me to "mansplain" everything), without realizing it until later. I try not to, however, and if I hurt someone in the process, I'll apologize.

That said, I don't really think there's anything inherently sexist about treating people of different genders than oneself "differently". Rather, certain types of differing behaviors are sexist to varying degrees, while others aren't. It depends on whether or not there's a degrading aspect. I instinctively feel more threatened by biosex males than biosex females, and so tend to avoid socializing with them. Similar feelings might be the source of this "combative" behavior towards men for you, though you'd know better than me whether that's the case. On my end, I think of it more as a type of anxiety, and thus is treatable.

 

[Revoltingest]

Well, I don't. I have noticed that when people speak to me, they speak in a softer tone than I hear them speaking to others. I am not sure if it's because I'm female or if it's the fact that I have a soft speaking voice. Either way, I am not offended.

It's cuz tigers can rip us to shreds.
But it helps that you're peaceful.

 

[Revoltingest]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

You are sexist lite.
Welcome to the club!

 

[Marisa]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

Well if I ever find out your patronizing me, I'll unload both barrels on you. LOL

 

[Willamena]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

No, not sexist. Gender bias is not automatically discrimination.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

No. Don't worry about it. I think acting differently depending on the sex around you is normal to an extent. Just look at how men and women act with each other when the other sex isn't around. Terms like that get thrown around so much that they're becoming meaningless.

 

[Nakosis]

I don't know. I mean are you less combative because you think that the female in question can't cope with it (or will not cope as well as a man?) Or is this some sort of chivalry thing, a culturally learned respect thing?

Good question. No guys can suck at this.

I'm not saying it true everywhere, but I see around me, mainly in business women doing more of the work and receiving less of the credit than guys. I like to acknowledge the effort they put into their work. I like to encourage women who think independently and I think they deserve an equal spot at the table. I think it is a little harder for women to get equal recognition.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

I don't think so. I think all human beings should be treated with the same respect for being human.

Sexism doesn't have to be the starkly-defined, black-and-white duality of compartmentalized boxes, where sexism only exists in the corners of the world where girls are abducted and sold as sex slaves. There is a spectrum and components and sub-components where the prejudice itself reinforces sexist stereotypes that perpetuate social inequality that is not merit-based.

We have a tendency to think of sexism as only defined as the "hostile" kind of sexism, but there also exists the "benevolent" kind of sexism that is harmful to men and women as well. Wiki has a pretty good overview of it: Ambivalent sexism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

But my response is not a black-and-white "you are just plain wrong and bad and evil so stop it" kind of answer. My response is acknowledging that sexism does exist (even I find myself squaring off against internalized misogyny in my own head from time to time), but that it manifests in various ways. The social sciences have found numerous patterns of hostile sexism and how it manifests, and how it perpetuates various criminal acts against men and women. It's also found numerous patterns of benevolent sexism and how *it* manifests, and how it perpetuates victim-blaming, gaslighting, and dismissals of gender-specific life experiences.

Being more careful and protective and chivalrous around women doesn't just occur from men, other women can do it too. Or women approach other men with more deference in social situations than approaching other women as benevolent sexism toward men ("they're needed or trusted as better leaders").

Many many gray areas here. I wouldn't be too worried, N. Though I think it's pretty cool you're willing to step back and take a look at your own behavior in regards to what is reflective of what you think is right and what you think is ethical. AND that you're opening the question up to the folks here at RF to give feedback.

But, if people are expecting the hairy-angry-ball-crushing-feminist in me to surface in this response....ok, I'll give it a shot here....

Grrr, you horrible person you. You hate women. Don't ever open a door for me. I can take of myself all alone and without anybody around me ever as any friends or family ever. You're so sexist! So sexist! I'm crying because I'm so offended and depressed and nobody will ever take me seriously because sexism is written all over this post!

 

[freethinker44]

I instinctively feel more threatened by biosex males than biosex females, and so tend to avoid socializing with them.

Biosex?

Biosexual
Noun. A biophiliac, one who gets aroused by nature

I'm guessing this isn't what you meant.

 

[Revoltingest]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.
If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.
Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

I say you're not "wrong" because you're harming no one.
But let's look the definitions for "sexism" in a widely used resource....
Sexism | Define Sexism at Dictionary.com
The very first definition is....

attitudes or behavior based on traditional stereotypes of gender roles.

What you describe in the OP fits this definition of "sexism" quite well.
I wager that "sexist" has such negative connotations, polite people are reluctant to apply this label to you, a decent & well liked guy,
I see no reason to fear the label.
But then, I'm not so polite.

 

[Riverwolf]

Biosex?



I'm guessing this isn't what you meant.

No, "biosex" is a fairly new qualifier for a person's biological sex (whether male, female, or intersex), as a way to clarify that a usage of male, female, etc. refers strictly to biology, without any of the cultural implications of gender.

 

[freethinker44]

You know if I found out a fellow poster happens to be female, I find that I am much less likely to be combative.

If fact if I only think your are female, sometimes I've assumed wrongly, I am less likely to respond in a combative manner.

Is that wrong?

I suppose I don't see it as wrong, but I question my own behavior I observe. Do people find it offensive that I'll treat other men different from women. I do it IRL too. I'll treat women with much more respect then I'll treat another guy.

I believe people should be treated maybe not equally but fairly. Is it fair to treat women with more respect than men?

I try not to let gender effect my behavior. I wasn't really raised to respect gender roles. Growing up, it was me, my mom, and my two sisters who I shared a bedroom with until I was 13. We shared all the chores, and actually for a while I was the only one that did dishes and cooked until I finally got my mom to split it with my sisters, I still had to do the cooking though because she didn't trust them with the stove.

As far as being combative goes, my mom loved to argue and fight. I remember hearing people say a man should never hit a woman and my mom would pull me off to the side and say, "screw that, if she can punch like a man she can take a hit like a man." I remember in the Army, I was in a combatives course and there was this one female soldier in the class, and I was the only one in the class that she couldn't beat, because I was the only one in the class that didn't go easy on her. I did the same think to a female First Sergeant I had. We were doing team exercises in pairs and we were supposed to do a fireman carry, and I don't know what she was thinking, but she wanted to carry me even though I out-weighed her by at least 100 pounds, if not more. She may have expected me to insist that I carry her, but I didn't. I let her try to pick me up, relaxed my weight, and she went right to the ground. I ended up carrying her anyways.

 

[freethinker44]

No, "biosex" is a fairly new qualifier for a person's biological sex (whether male, female, or intersex), as a way to clarify that a usage of male, female, etc. refers strictly to biology, without any of the cultural implications of gender.

Is this intended to replace "cis" prefix? If so, I approve. "Cis" seems to be used in a primarily derogatory way.

 

[Revoltingest]

No, "biosex" is a fairly new qualifier for a person's biological sex (whether male, female, or intersex), as a way to clarify that a usage of male, female, etc. refers strictly to biology, without any of the cultural implications of gender.

No, "biosex" just won't do....because that interpretation would imply that the brain isn't "biology".
This implies that the mind is a supernatural phenomenon, & is therefore anti-science.

A better term would be.....
"endocrinologicallyconsistentmorphologicalsex"
It could be abbreviated.....
"endoconmorsex"
This term also fits in better with the trend for ever more arcane & diverse terminology.

 

[Curious George]

Well, I don't. I have noticed that when people speak to me, they speak in a softer tone than I hear them speaking to others. I am not sure if it's because I'm female or if it's the fact that I have a soft speaking voice. Either way, I am not offended.

Lol, I remember a time or two where you got heated. Maybe it was on abortion, I can't quite place it. Though it will come.

People speak less aggressively to you because you are a usually very accepting, and not as aggressive (though I think you can be aggressive). I wouldn't say your written voice is "soft spoken" by any means, but your assertions are more oft then not qualified, and allowing of flexibility.

 

[Riverwolf]

Is this intended to replace "cis" prefix? If so, I approve. "Cis" seems to be used in a primarily derogatory way.

I've never heard "cis" used derogatorily (and those who use it as such aren't worth any attention), and no it isn't. They're not related terms.

No, "biosex" just won't do....because that interpretation would imply that the brain isn't "biology".
This implies that the mind is a supernatural phenomenon, & is therefore anti-science.

A better term would be.....
"endocrinologicallyconsistentmorphologicalsex"
It could be abbreviated.....
"endoconmorsex"
This term also fits in better with the trend for ever more arcane & diverse terminology.

New terms being tested out and circulated as new concepts develop is just natural linguistic evolution, so if it's a "trend", it's a trend that's lasted thousands of years. I understand that Modern English already is the language with the most extensive vocabulary, an honor it's had for at least a hundred years.

Besides, common parlance in English favors quick terms like "biosex", and so those are the ones that tend end up sticking. Unless you're an activist in this matter, don't worry too much about it.

 

[Revoltingest]

I've never heard "cis" used derogatorily (and those who use it as such aren't worth any attention), and no it isn't. They're not related terms.

New terms being tested out and circulated as new concepts develop is just natural linguistic evolution, so if it's a "trend", it's a trend that's lasted thousands of years. I understand that English already has the largest vocabulary of them all.

Besides, common parlance in English favors quick terms like "biosex", and so those are the ones that tend end up sticking. Unless you're an activist in this matter, don't worry too much about it.

Of course, you knew I was mocking the term, "biosex".
I expect that it will share the same launch failure fate as "metropolitaneously".