Friends!

[Debater Slayer]

No, not the TV series. I'm talking about your friendships, how you've formed them, what you enjoy the most about them, and anything else related to them.

I'm interested in a lot of abstract and theoretical subjects, such as philosophy and culture, but I'm also immensely interested in people, especially my social circle. I don't mean in terms of gossip or intrusion into details about others' lives that they wish to keep private; I mean in terms of their interests, the stories they tell, their different personalities and worldviews, their experiences, etc. I relish being in the company of others and listening to them talk about what matters to them, why it does, how they see the world, and the experiences they have had, among many other things.

What is your friend circle like? Are some closer than others? How did you meet the closer ones, if any are closer than the rest?

 

[SalixIncendium]

The concept of friends has fallen away from me. Ranking people introduces judgment. I no longer do this.

 

[Eddi]

What is your friend circle like? Are some closer than others? How did you meet the closer ones, if any are closer than the rest?

Speaking about the friends I have who I don't only know online.........

I have quite a few such friends

Most of which I don't see very much and some of which I haven't spoken to in a while

But there are some that I see quite regularly

When I'm not shutting myself inside my house for up to a whole week at a time!

I do actually do groups and activities and things.......

But it is easier to become nocturnal and reclusive!

 

[Quagmire]

Lol! I was just about to go into one of his staff forums and whine about how my circle of friends has imploded this year, but I guess I'll do it here.

My best friend retired in January and moved back to Alabama.

Another friend of mine started drinking again recently and I just can't be around him for very long now.

Another friend, an elderly guy, just moved into a care home 12 miles away so it's unlikely we'll be seeing each other much. In any case we won't be running into each other at the park or the beach and swap stories, which is what our relationship mostly consisted of.

On top of that I purposely cut a couple of people loose lately because they tend to be controlling and try to dominate most of our conversations, and I've decided that when I hang out with somebody I want to have conversations not a contest.

But to answer the OP: most of the friendships that I've formed since I've been in Santa Barbara (14 years now) have been the result of all of us falling in to a particular category or subset of people that hang out at local University. I guess you could call us Campus Rats: community members with no official affiliation with the university but who spend a lot of time there in order to take advantage of the internet and a few other resources the campus offers. Most of us, probably all of us, have a lot of things in common in that we would all fall into what most people would consider counterculture in one way or another: old hippies, homeless people, world travelers, community activists, wandering (or wanna-be) minstruals, just your general assortment of weirdos.

One of the things that's always appealled to me about this arrangement is that if you felt like socializing you could pretty much count on running into someone on campus who would have 20 minutes or an hour to spare just to hang out, but you never actually had to make plans to do so, which means that if you change your mind at any point and decide you'd rather just go and hang out on the internet (another thing all of us have in common is that a huge part of our life is online, either involving social media, blogging, doing research, etc) you can without hurting anybody's feelings.

 

[anna.]

Lol! I was just about to go into one of his staff forums and whine about how my circle of friends has imploded this year, but I guess I'll do it here.

My best friend retired in January and moved back to Alabama.

Another friend of mine started drinking again recently and I just can't be around him for very long now.

Another friend, an elderly guy, just moved into a care home 12 miles away so it's unlikely we'll be seeing each other much. In any case we won't be running into each other at the park or the beach and swap stories, which is what our relationship mostly consisted of.

On top of that I purposely cut a couple of people loose lately because they tend to be controlling and try to dominate most of our conversations, and I've decided that when I hang out with somebody I want to have conversations not a contest.

But to answer the OP: most of the friendships that I've formed since I've been in Santa Barbara (14 years now) have been the result of all of us falling in to a particular category or subset of people that hang out at local University. I guess you could call us Campus Rats: community members with no official affiliation with the university but who spend a lot of time there in order to take advantage of the internet and a few other resources the campus offers. Most of us, probably all of us, have a lot of things in common in that we would all fall into what most people would consider counterculture in one way or another: old hippies, homeless people, world travelers, community activists, wandering (or wanna-be) minstruals, just your general assortment of weirdos.

One of the things that's always appealled to me about this arrangement is that if you felt like socializing you could pretty much count on running into someone on campus who would have 20 minutes or an hour to spare just to hang out, but you never actually had to make plans to do so, which means that if you change your mind at any point and decide you'd rather just go and hang out on the internet (another thing all of us have in common is that a huge part of our life is online, either involving social media, blogging, doing research, etc) you can without hurting anybody's feelings.

Your campus group sounds nice. : )

 

[Debater Slayer]

The concept of friends has fallen away from me. Ranking people introduces judgment. I no longer do this.

How do you distinguish between someone you consistently and voluntarily associate with on a personal level and someone you don't?

 

[Debater Slayer]

Speaking about the friends I have who I don't only know online.........

I have quite a few such friends

Most of which I don't see very much and some of which I haven't spoken to in a while

But there are some that I see quite regularly

When I'm not shutting myself inside my house for up to a whole week at a time!

I do actually do groups and activities and things.......

But it is easier to become nocturnal and reclusive!

What kinds of groups and activities do you like?

 

[Eddi]

What kinds of groups and activities do you like?

I go to a creative writing group, a church, and a soup kitchen and sometimes meet friends for a coffee

I also sometimes go to a church that takes place on Zoom

And I sometimes go to a gay social group, we meet in a pub every now and then

There may be a Dungeons and Dragons group starting up locally too, I would be well up for that

 

[Quagmire]

Your campus group sounds nice. : )

Thanks @anna. Sadly it's mostly past tense now though.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they closed the campus down completely during the pandemic, and some of the members of the group found other places to be and never completely returned to their old routine. This is true for me to some extent. I used to go down to the campus everyday, now it's maybe twice a week.

Things change. I'm already looking forward to the next chapter.

 

[Debater Slayer]

On top of that I purposely cut a couple of people loose lately because they tend to be controlling and try to dominate most of our conversations, and I've decided that when I hang out with somebody I want to have conversations not a contest.

This is pretty relatable. I've known people who would spend 85% or more of the conversation exclusively talking about themselves, and even when my answer to the routine "How are you?" would indicate that I had something in my life to talk about, they would just drone on and on without pausing.

After gently but directly calling their attention to this four or five times and seeing zero change, I decided a friendship wouldn't work out.

 

[SalixIncendium]

How do you distinguish between someone you consistently and voluntarily associate with on a personal level and someone you don't?

I don't. I find such distinctions a product of ego.

 

[JustGeorge]

I like most people, and am generally happy to talk to most anyone, so long as they're honest(lying is a trait I can't stand), and they don't have one of those quirks where they enjoy hurting people.

I form friendships with people over time, based on mutual interests, interesting conversation, or shared experiences. I prefer kind hearted folks but sometimes have made good friends with those who are more to themselves. In the rare cases I find someone that enjoys, or even better ,shares, my offbeat sense of humor, even better!

Occasionally I'll run across a person, and I get an impression... "You might be weird, like me." And maybe they'll think the same of me... And there's the nervous dance one eccentric does to figure out if they're with another eccentric... Loosen up... Take a risk... "Well, I do this very odd thing." Maybe they'll think that's cool(you hold your breath and wait for the response)... And once and awhile, they say "Me too!" And oh, the joy!

 

[anna.]

Thanks @anna. Sadly it's mostly past tense now though.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they closed the campus down completely during the pandemic, and some of the members of the group found other places to be and never completely returned to their old routine. This is true for me to some extent. I used to go down to the campus everyday, now it's maybe twice a week.

Things change. I'm already looking forward to the next chapter.

Oh, that's too bad. Maybe if you keep up with that couple days a week, your group will grow again.

 

[ChristineM]

Friends...

Some are in England so I don't see them often, 2 or 3 come and spend a week or two during summer and i make a point of calling on them when I'm in England (middle of next month next)

Of them, one has been my best friend since school, she is a staunch Christian and the only member of the congregation who supported me when the fat hit the shin and i left the church.

Some live here in France, several brits who have moved here, more French, a couple of South Africans, An American/Canadian couple, a Spanish guy, a pair of Germans, a Dutch guy, an Iranian lady. Quite an international bunch really.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

What is your friend circle like?

My wife and I have perhaps a dozen fairly close friends. We met most through our synagogue.

We've travelled with them, dined with them, visited museums, concerts, plays, and operas, with them. We've laughed with them and mourned with them.

At this point they feel more like extended family.

But, for whatever reason, when I noticed this thread the first person that came to mind was Sunstone. Sad.

 

[libre]

I recently discovered the concept of 'Friendship Degradation' which I am told most people experience, where their perceived connection to another person begins to fade with time and distance. I've never experienced such a thing, if I run into a person I was friends with 10 years ago and haven't seen, I feel just as connected to them as though a day had gone by.

Most of the people who would be in my consistent social-net I met during University or when contributing to non-profit.
I'd have 10-15 people who are inherited from my parents that I consider friends, but I mostly will reach out to them if I'm in the city or on a birthday moreso than anything else.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I like most people, and am generally happy to talk to most anyone, so long as they're honest(lying is a trait I can't stand), and they don't have one of those quirks where they enjoy hurting people.

I form friendships with people over time, based on mutual interests, interesting conversation, or shared experiences. I prefer kind hearted folks but sometimes have made good friends with those who are more to themselves. In the rare cases I find someone that enjoys, or even better ,shares, my offbeat sense of humor, even better!

Occasionally I'll run across a person, and I get an impression... "You might be weird, like me." And maybe they'll think the same of me... And there's the nervous dance one eccentric does to figure out if they're with another eccentric... Loosen up... Take a risk... "Well, I do this very odd thing." Maybe they'll think that's cool(you hold your breath and wait for the response)... And once and awhile, they say "Me too!" And oh, the joy!

If you could hang out with your friends more often, what kinds of activities do you see all of you enjoying?

 

[Debater Slayer]

Lol! I was just about to go into one of his staff forums and whine about how my circle of friends has imploded this year, but I guess I'll do it here.

Out of your friends who currently live in the same city, do you see potential for any to be close friends or ones you could frequently enjoy hanging out with?

 

[Quagmire]

Out of your friends who currently live in the same city, do you see potential for any to be close friends or ones you could frequently enjoy hanging out with?

Oh, a couple of them are already close friends.

Even though we don't see as much of each other in person we still text pretty often or communicate through email.

Really, at my age, That's just as good as in person and hell of a lot more convenient.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Oh, a couple of them are already close friends.

Even though we don't see as much of each other in person we still text pretty often or communicate through email.

Really, at my age, That's just as good as in person and hell of a lot more convenient.

I much prefer texting and voice messages to calls, and thankfully, most people I regularly talk to agree.

To me, calls are more of a "special occasion" thing rather than the default.