Cougars and Young Men

[HiddenDjinn]

Cougar - a woman who seeks sexual relationships with considerably younger men From WikiPedia

A young man meets an older woman at the club. They start talking. It appears as if this woman is everything the man has been looking for, despite the fact that she's the same age as his mother. The two identify with the same popular bands. They seem to have similar tastes in clothing, etc. She invites him to spend the night, and he agrees. The next morning, instead of the proverbial walk of shame, she invites him to stay. Things seem to go great at first, as long as he goes along with what she wants. Weeks, months, sometimes years drag on until either the young man, who isn't nearly as young leaves, or the woman gets bored with him and packs his bags.

This is a growing trend in the US, complete with dating sites geared towards such dating styles. Example

I personally spent 4-1/2 years in such a relationship, and, to be honest, the steps the "cougar" takes with one resembles what some describe as a pedophile's "grooming." Sure, the young man is of legal age, so there's no sex offense to charge anyone with, but young men should be aware that such a woman is likely to use mental and emotional means to control him and will use him, not only for sex, but for her personal plaything out of the bedroom. You may be claiming "Boo Hoo, Grow a pair." but the truth of the matter is, any abusive relationship will leave a person isolated, without the first clue about the possibility of a way out. I got out in 2003, but others may not be so lucky.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I have never been in a cougar relationship but as a teenager I was approached by a horrid girl who was 19(she was placed over monitoring a division int he school). The school was private and did a lot of illegal things and after denying sex to the lady she informed the staff I was threatening to perform a shooting at the school.
Thankfully because of the illegal actions of the school to begin with I was just kicked out and no legal actions took place. In case anybody wonders why I have a strong disliking for women and relationships then you have your answer.


Whenever I heard of any old woman with a younger male whether it be legal or illegal I find great dishonesty in it. It truly angers me on a personal level. I was just a mere 14 when this occurred with a 4 year difference, thinking of a cougar (40's to 50's) with a 20-25 year old guy is just pitiful to me on more ways then one. It is more sick if anything

 

[HiddenDjinn]

Well, my wife is a few years older than me, but we were born in the same decade. The previous relationship that I'm referring to, the woman was 20 years my senior. I didn't know better at the time, and as I learned better, I took steps to get out.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Well, my wife is a few years older than me, but we were born in the same decade. The previous relationship that I'm referring to, the woman was 20 years my senior. I didn't know better at the time, and as I learned better, I took steps to get out.

Good for you. Having a wife a few years older then you is entirely different then an unreasonable age gap or illegal one for that matter.

Somethings are just uncalled for and beyond unnecessary. But this is just me speaking from my awful childhood . I try not to judge

 

[Rakhel]

Good for you. Having a wife a few years older then you is entirely different then an unreasonable age gap or illegal one for that matter.

Somethings are just uncalled for and beyond unnecessary. But this is just me speaking from my awful childhood . I try not to judge

Good. I would hate to have to come over there and spank you.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Good. I would hate to have to come over there and spank you.

Know your place woman :sarcastic. Fix me my sammich......no mustard and add extra pickles. If you mess up I will spank YOU!

 

[HiddenDjinn]

Sterling,
You know that Rakhel is my wife, right?

 

[Sha'irullah]

Sterling,
You know that Rakhel is my wife, right?

!!!!!! :thud:

Sorry about that bro(I can call you bro right). I was not flirting on your wife in any shape or form, I am actually incapable of it.


*tip toes away from discussion*

 

[Me Myself]

That was both totally unexpected and enterteining

 

[Curious George]

I think we have established ages of consent because we generally accept that a certain point the persons in any consensual sexual relationship have the ability and responsibility to make decisions for their own love life and deal with the consequences, I do not think men or women of legal consenting age are victimized by cougars. But, I think everyone should consider their own and their partners expectations for any relationship.

 

[HiddenDjinn]

!!!!!! :thud:

Sorry about that bro(I can call you bro right). I was not flirting on your wife in any shape or form, I am actually incapable of it.


*tip toes away from discussion*

Your reaction...classic...LOL IRL.

 

[Sha'irullah]

That was both totally unexpected and enterteining

this event has just strengthened by asexuality :yes:

 

[Rakhel]

!!!!!! :thud:

Sorry about that bro(I can call you bro right). I was not flirting on your wife in any shape or form, I am actually incapable of it.


*tip toes away from discussion*

Dude don't leave.That wasn't flirting, that was typical RF meme.
(I blame Revoltingest )
As to the OP, The only problem I have seen, much in the aftermath, is the OP's cougar refused to let go. Even after we got married. Even after all these years, she still has knowledge of his everyday life. 1300 miles away and she still knows.

 

[HiddenDjinn]

I do not think men or women of legal consenting age are victimized by cougars.

I beg to differ. Many relationships that feature a significant age difference, from what I've seen, also feature a fair amount of mental and emotional abuse.

 

[Curious George]

Cougar - a woman who seeks sexual relationships with considerably younger men From WikiPedia

A young man meets an older woman at the club. They start talking. It appears as if this woman is everything the man has been looking for, despite the fact that she's the same age as his mother. The two identify with the same popular bands. They seem to have similar tastes in clothing, etc. She invites him to spend the night, and he agrees. The next morning, instead of the proverbial walk of shame, she invites him to stay. Things seem to go great at first, as long as he goes along with what she wants. Weeks, months, sometimes years drag on until either the young man, who isn't nearly as young leaves, or the woman gets bored with him and packs his bags.

This is a growing trend in the US, complete with dating sites geared towards such dating styles. Example

I personally spent 4-1/2 years in such a relationship, and, to be honest, the steps the "cougar" takes with one resembles what some describe as a pedophile's "grooming." Sure, the young man is of legal age, so there's no sex offense to charge anyone with, but young men should be aware that such a woman is likely to use mental and emotional means to control him and will use him, not only for sex, but for her personal plaything out of the bedroom. You may be claiming "Boo Hoo, Grow a pair." but the truth of the matter is, any abusive relationship will leave a person isolated, without the first clue about the possibility of a way out. I got out in 2003, but others may not be so lucky.

As far as the abusive portion, I tend to think abusive adults do not just appear in their thirties. I wonder how many of the abusive cougars had relationships even at young ages where they abused their partners.

 

[HiddenDjinn]

As far as the abusive portion, I tend to think abusive adults do not just appear in their thirties. I wonder how many of the abusive cougars had relationships even at young ages where they abused their partners.

That is a good question worth exploring. I know the cougar who got her claws into me claimed to have been abused when she was younger. I also know she had been married at one time.

 

[Curious George]

That is a good question worth exploring. I know the cougar who got her claws into me claimed to have been abused when she was younger. I also know she had been married at one time.

Well, I do no that there is often a cycle of abuse. I would highlight the importance of communicating relationship expectations to our sons so they are less likely to become involved in abusive relationships, regardless of age. I think that singling out age as a variable of focus when age itself is not a facet of the abuse can lead to the mental image of a older female as the perpetrator of abuse. Similarly older male stranger is the stereotype of child sex abuser, yet this completely ignores the large amount of family, close friend, respected authority, or child perpetrators.

The face of cougars tends to be the middle age woman wanting casual sex that connects with the face of the young male also searching for casual sex. I do not think either of these stereotypes are completely accurate but I would suggest adults should be defining their relationship expectations from the beginning and whether they are just looking for casual sex or a committed relationship failure to respect or acknowledge the other person or their needs is a deal breaker.

 

[Karl R]

Cougar - a woman who seeks sexual relationships with considerably younger men From WikiPedia

According to the Wikipedia definition, a cougar is a woman in her 30s or 40s who seeks sexual relationships with men (or women) at least 8 years younger.

I'm not aware of a special term for men in their 30s or 40s who date women at least 8 years younger ... even though (in my mid-late 30s) I dated two women who are 11 years younger. Based on anecdotal evidence, when I mentioned that I was that much older than my girlfriend, the typical response was, "Good for you!"

In my late 30s, I also dated a woman who is 9 years older than me, and one who is 16 years older than me. A few women have referred to me as "enlightened," for being willing to see past a woman's lack of youth when looking for a girlfriend. (Their phrasing, not mine.)

None of these relationships could be mistaken for platonic.

I personally spent 4-1/2 years in such a relationship, and, to be honest, the steps the "cougar" takes with one resembles what some describe as a pedophile's "grooming." Sure, the young man is of legal age, so there's no sex offense to charge anyone with, but young men should be aware that such a woman is likely to use mental and emotional means to control him and will use him, not only for sex, but for her personal plaything out of the bedroom.

An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, regardless of the ages involved. An abuser does not want a relationship with an equal. An age gap does not (by itself) make a relationship unequal, but it certainly can contribute.

As children, we're conditioned to equate age with power (even when the age difference is rather small), so there are people who will automatically consider the older person to be in charge. However, there are a number of other factors that also relate to power among adults: intelligence/education, finances (income/assets), social status, confidence, etc. The perception of power (or equality) is more important than the metric that you might actually choose to measure it by.

If you respect your partner as an equal, and your partner respects you as an equal, an age difference isn't going to be an insurmountable problem in a relationship. But if one of the partners doesn't see the relationship as one between equals, there's going to be serious problems.

My wife is 16 years older than me. My experience is very different than nyRednek's. I'm in a terrific relationship. But I'll be the first to say, if you're dating someone who is trying to control you or manipulate you, leave the relationship. If you're dating someone who is trying to isolate you, leave the relationship. If you're dating someone who doesn't see you as an equal, leave the relationship.

The problem isn't older women dating younger men. The problem is people who are abusers preying on people who are vulnerable. You solve that problem by educating people about abusive relationships.