Inter-Political? Marriages

[Sand Dancer]

I don't do relationships with insanely unblanaced values to the extent where their beliefs and behavior will seriously, negatively impact those around me. So there are certain topics where I won't accept 'agree to disagree.' If I catch wind of 'hell for gays' or 'black vans for Mexicans' or 'I'm voting for illegal abortion,' I'm out.

They don't have to change, and I certainly wouldn't try to change them, but that doesn't mean I need to ignore it for politeness sake or just because they'd be nice *to me.*

Thankfully my husband and I talked early and often about politics and are both comfortable enough to discuss it without heat, even when we disagree on some things. But there's disagreeing on whether or not a certain gun control legislation will curb crime more than defense, and then there's disagreeing on if slavery exceptions should be removed from the constitution (both on Oregon ballots recently.)

What would happen if your husband's views changed? I have been fairly conservative all the way to fairly liberal and in between. Hubby has been center right/libertarian for most of his life.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

What would happen if your husband's views changed? I have been fairly conservative all the way to fairly liberal and in between. Hubby has been center right/libertarian for most of his life.

Depends on what changed and to what extent. But if you're asking if I have a line where I would walk, sure thing. Like if my husband started saying things like 'god I wish we would just throw trans people into the loony bin' I would be surprised, appalled, and then get out of there.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

I've thought about this a fair bit. My ex-wife and I had very different political views.

I see politics as mostly an expression of values. As long as my partner and I have similar core values, I'm fine with political differences on questions like how those values should be expressed or how much emphasis we should put on those values. If the values behind my partner's politics were completely antithetical to mine, that would be a problem.

There's also the issue of respect: my ex would do things like get lawn signs for candidates I opposed and make political donations in both of our names without asking me. Her family were big Conservative supporters; she had a framed art print that was a gift from a Conservative MPP with his note saying "Thanks for your support!" on the matte; she insisted that this print be hung up in the living room as the first thing that guests would see when they came into the house. All that was a problem as well.

 

[rocala]

There were three of us on a very quiet night shift. For some reason we decided to talk about how we ended up single again. The first guy told his story then I told mine. Our colleague was very thoughtful for a while and then said, "you probably know that I am a member of the Labour Party." We both nodded. "Well" he said, "my wife joined the Conservatives, just to annoy me."
So, it can be somewhat tricky.

 

[PureX]

In theory at least, when two people agree to marry each other they are agreeing to stick together regardless of their various differences. I think that so long as they hold onto that commitment, they will find ways of accommodating each other's 'peccadilloes'.

 

[Sand Dancer]

Depends on what changed and to what extent. But if you're asking if I have a line where I would walk, sure thing. Like if my husband started saying things like 'god I wish we would just throw trans people into the loony bin' I would be surprised, appalled, and then get out of there.

Yes, I totally understand that. There is different and there is hateful.

 

[libre]

You hear discussion of interfaith marriages sometimes, and the pros and cons. Success stories, and regret stories.

But what about marriages in which the two people hold different political beliefs?

My husband and I do not generally agree on politics. We have a few key points we agree on, but some other things we are polar opposites on. I've always been the type to state my piece, take it or leave it, and then move on. He's the type that has to excitedly express his opinion, jump around frantically, and not let it go until he's 'converted' everyone, or made them upset and they leave. (My words tend to be "Well, I see its time for bed.") I try not to get into anything remotely political with him.

This isn't going to break us; its been this way always. But it does add certain stresses at heated times(like election years, when all the political crap is getting drug out).

I hear my great grandparents were complete opposites, politically speaking, but they just didn't talk about it, and would go off to the polls together, laughing that they were there to cancel out each other's vote.

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

I think it depends on how important your politics are in your life.
If politics means reading the news and then showing up to vote once every four years, it's easily avoidable.

I can imagine some republican/democrat campaigners falling in love and being able to find common ground with a member of the opposite party.

However the other side of the continuum of involvement there are people who could never work that out.
I can't imagine Joe Biden, Pelosi, AOC or Trump, Cruz or MTG dating their opponents, even if they were only passively involved in politics.

 

[беспокойный путешественни]

But what about marriages in which the two people hold different political beliefs?

I have reached a point where my political beliefs no longer play a role in a relationship. I am happy to answer questions, but I have no intention of telling my partners the right or wrong way to do things. Religion and politics are not entirely different in this respect.

The last argument I had about this in a relationship involved my partner ironically mocking me because I occasionally attend meetings of a party she doesn't like. In response, I listed in detail everything that a party she is close to has done so far. She didn't find that funny after all...

Love is when a republican Muslim and an anarchist Satanist can grow old together. Everything else has no value.

 

[Yerda]

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

I don't think I could but it would depend on the extent of the differences. No two people will have the exact same views, so we always have to accept differences of opinion. I couldn't live with a conservative. End of.