Inter-Political? Marriages

[JustGeorge]

You hear discussion of interfaith marriages sometimes, and the pros and cons. Success stories, and regret stories.

But what about marriages in which the two people hold different political beliefs?

My husband and I do not generally agree on politics. We have a few key points we agree on, but some other things we are polar opposites on. I've always been the type to state my piece, take it or leave it, and then move on. He's the type that has to excitedly express his opinion, jump around frantically, and not let it go until he's 'converted' everyone, or made them upset and they leave. (My words tend to be "Well, I see its time for bed.") I try not to get into anything remotely political with him.

This isn't going to break us; its been this way always. But it does add certain stresses at heated times(like election years, when all the political crap is getting drug out).

I hear my great grandparents were complete opposites, politically speaking, but they just didn't talk about it, and would go off to the polls together, laughing that they were there to cancel out each other's vote.

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

 

[Sand Dancer]

My husband and I have been of similar and different political ideologies. It's a small aspect of life, so it's basically just something we couldn't agree on in conversations. Currently, we are more similar than different.

 

[JustGeorge]

My husband and I have been of similar and different political ideologies. It's a small aspect of life, so it's basically just something we couldn't agree on in conversations. Currently, we are more similar than different.

How was it during the times that were more 'different'?

 

[SalixIncendium]

I don't discuss my political views with anyone, really, including spouses and family. I've shared more here than I have with anyone IRL.

You could ask my exes my political views and I'm confident they would have no idea.

 

[Debater Slayer]

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

For me, that would entirely depend on what I thought my potential partner's character and core values were (e.g., empathetic or not, concerned with harm for others or not, etc.) and what the areas of difference were.

As an example, I could totally live with a political disagreement on, say, whether capitalism is preferable to socialism, or whether certain drugs should be legalized.

On the other hand, I would not marry someone who supported a war of aggression knowing what its effects on innocent people were, nor would I want to be with someone who voted for a candidate specifically to enable such a war or another harmful policy like an abortion ban, same-sex marriage ban, blasphemy law, etc.

In my view, some things stop being mere matters of opinion when they actively harm other people or encroach on their safety and basic rights, and supporting such things while knowing what they entailed for others, especially tangibly supporting them by voting, would be a dealbreaker for me in a potential partner (but it's a different and much more variable story when it comes to friendship).

 

[Sand Dancer]

How was it during the times that were more 'different'?

My husband wanted to be able to discuss issues instead of disagreeing. I won't say argue because it really wasn't that. He just missed the convo. I think it depends on where the couple is on the political spectrum and how animated they get when the subject comes up.

 

[Estro Felino]

I have already dated leftists. It was very nice.
If I think about it, I never had "rightist" boyfriends. I guess someone was apolitical and atheist at the same time, if I recall correctly.
Besides... I have seen so many cute guys in the Democratic Party...like Majorino from Milan...
So the answer is yes.

 

[JustGeorge]

I don't discuss my political views with anyone, really, including spouses and family. I've shared more here than I have with anyone IRL.

You could ask my exes my political views and I'm confident they would have no idea.

Did you withhold your views over lack of interest in discussion, or wanting to avoid any disputes? (Or did no one ever ask?)

My husband wanted to be able to discuss issues instead of disagreeing. I won't say argue because it really wasn't that. He just missed the convo. I think it depends on where the couple is on the political spectrum and how animated they get when the subject comes up.

That makes sense. I could relate to missing the conversation.

Were the two of you of natures that you could agree to disagree?

 

[SalixIncendium]

Did you withhold your views over lack of interest in discussion, or wanting to avoid any disputes? (Or did no one ever ask?)

That's a good question. I'm not entirely sure.

Probably more the latter, because I learned at a young age the rifts sharing political (and religious) views could have during family get-togethers.

They asked, but if I responded, it would usually be with sarcasm or jokes.

 

[Secret Chief]

Could you manage it?

About as much as living with a meat eater.

 

[JustGeorge]

About as much as living with a meat eater.

I admit, I was relieved when my husband gave up meat. (Though it wasn't from my influence.)

 

[Secret Chief]

I admit, I was relieved when my husband gave up meat. (Though it wasn't from my influence.)

My first wife ate meat. Double the dishes!

 

[JustGeorge]

My first wife ate meat. Double the dishes!

We never had meat at home, he just at it while out and about. He actually still ate meat when our son was born(my second son, his first) but preferred to have the kids be vegetarian for health reasons, so there was never a struggle there.

I was vegan when my oldest son was born. I wanted him to be vegetarian, but my ex and his family would give him meat while I was at work. Why? Because "men eat meat".

The funny thing is, out of my three sons, he's the most feminine(and is proud of it). He doesn't eat meat here, though, and doesn't really care. He's used to vegetarians and their food, and only eats meat while out and about. (He's always afraid his youngest brother will get into it, something he does not want.)

 

[Sand Dancer]

Did you withhold your views over lack of interest in discussion, or wanting to avoid any disputes? (Or did no one ever ask?)

That makes sense. I could relate to missing the conversation.

Were the two of you of natures that you could agree to disagree?

Yes. Neither of us get heated. We know the other has a good heart.

 

[JustGeorge]

Yes. Neither of us get heated. We know the other has a good heart.

I like that.

 

[Heyo]

Yes. Neither of us get heated. We know the other has a good heart.

That's the only thing that is required: tolerance.
If you take your SO serious and can tolerate their opinions, different religions or political stances are only tangential.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I don't do relationships with insanely unblanaced values to the extent where their beliefs and behavior will seriously, negatively impact those around me. So there are certain topics where I won't accept 'agree to disagree.' If I catch wind of 'hell for gays' or 'black vans for Mexicans' or 'I'm voting for illegal abortion,' I'm out.

They don't have to change, and I certainly wouldn't try to change them, but that doesn't mean I need to ignore it for politeness sake or just because they'd be nice *to me.*

Thankfully my husband and I talked early and often about politics and are both comfortable enough to discuss it without heat, even when we disagree on some things. But there's disagreeing on whether or not a certain gun control legislation will curb crime more than defense, and then there's disagreeing on if slavery exceptions should be removed from the constitution (both on Oregon ballots recently.)

 

[ChristineM]

Paul was brought up in a staunchly conservative family while i am the wild child of a couple of left wing hippies.

Luckily he is not particularly politically minded. His parents had done quite a lot to push him more to a meh... centalist point of view. And was just as likely to join me at a student demonstration than to argue about it.

Over the years both our political views have move more to the green side of the fence anyway.

How we would have survived had he followed his parents i really don't know, but doubtful life would have been as smooth as it has been.

 

[bobhikes]

You hear discussion of interfaith marriages sometimes, and the pros and cons. Success stories, and regret stories.

But what about marriages in which the two people hold different political beliefs?

My husband and I do not generally agree on politics. We have a few key points we agree on, but some other things we are polar opposites on. I've always been the type to state my piece, take it or leave it, and then move on. He's the type that has to excitedly express his opinion, jump around frantically, and not let it go until he's 'converted' everyone, or made them upset and they leave. (My words tend to be "Well, I see its time for bed.") I try not to get into anything remotely political with him.

This isn't going to break us; its been this way always. But it does add certain stresses at heated times(like election years, when all the political crap is getting drug out).

I hear my great grandparents were complete opposites, politically speaking, but they just didn't talk about it, and would go off to the polls together, laughing that they were there to cancel out each other's vote.

What do you think of relationships where the couple has such different views? Could you manage it?

To be honest with you it should be the same results as religious differences. Basically, it's based on how strongly you believe and how strongly you feel the need to enforce your beliefs and lastly are your beliefs comprisable for a happy marriage. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 and your potential partner on the same scale and that will tell you how successful your marriage will be. Doesn't matter what those beliefs are.

 

[Revoltingest]

Me: Libertarian
Her: Democrat <-- But the pro-capitalism kind.
Conflict: Not much.