Ho-hum

[JustGeorge]

"Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear..."-Stinkfist, Tool

As I've shared around the forums, my middle son has had quite a year. His behavior has been all over, requiring more time, energy, and attention than he possibly ever has. There have been numerous doctor trips, and even an ER visit. After seeing the Good Doc yesterday(and having the meds discussed and adjusted), and having the Doc see him start to throw himself into a mania(great timing, for once!) he determined he's bored.

Yeah, he is.

Sometimes I've heard it said that the burdens and difficulties of the parents pass to the child. This rang true. "Ma, I'm bored!" may have been my first sentence. It wasn't that there weren't things to do. Its that they weren't fun, or they weren't for very long. I wish I could say it passed, but here I am. 39 years old, and still bored. And now my kid's bored, too.

I feel like this will be the blind leading the blind. And I feel like to better help him, I need to figure out how to not be bored myself.

The world is full of stuff to do. How does one enjoy doing it? How does one teach a child, especially one with more restrictions than most(due to inability to properly regulate behavior) to enjoy day to day existence?

On the surface, it sounds like depression. I checked in with the Doc about that, and he said he didn't think it was the issue for my son. I checked in with my own mental health provider, and she also doubts it for me, and feels its a result of my environment and temperament(meaning geographical location here). So, I guess its back to the puzzle board(or, bored?)

Are we having fun yet?

 

[Little Dragon]

This rang true. "Ma, I'm bored!" may have been my first sentence. It wasn't that there weren't things to do. Its that they weren't fun, or they weren't for very long. I wish I could say it passed, but here I am. 39 years old, and still bored. And now my kid's bored, too.

The apple doth not fall far from the tree.
My grandfather would have said "There was no time for us to be bored, in my day" There might be some truth in this, for some of us.

 

[Secret Chief]

"Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear..."-Stinkfist, Tool

As I've shared around the forums, my middle son has had quite a year. His behavior has been all over, requiring more time, energy, and attention than he possibly ever has. There have been numerous doctor trips, and even an ER visit. After seeing the Good Doc yesterday(and having the meds discussed and adjusted), and having the Doc see him start to throw himself into a mania(great timing, for once!) he determined he's bored.

Yeah, he is.

Sometimes I've heard it said that the burdens and difficulties of the parents pass to the child. This rang true. "Ma, I'm bored!" may have been my first sentence. It wasn't that there weren't things to do. Its that they weren't fun, or they weren't for very long. I wish I could say it passed, but here I am. 39 years old, and still bored. And now my kid's bored, too.

I feel like this will be the blind leading the blind. And I feel like to better help him, I need to figure out how to not be bored myself.

The world is full of stuff to do. How does one enjoy doing it? How does one teach a child, especially one with more restrictions than most(due to inability to properly regulate behavior) to enjoy day to day existence?

On the surface, it sounds like depression. I checked in with the Doc about that, and he said he didn't think it was the issue for my son. I checked in with my own mental health provider, and she also doubts it for me, and feels its a result of my environment and temperament(meaning geographical location here). So, I guess its back to the puzzle board(or, bored?)

Are we having fun yet?

What do you mean by temperament in this context?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

It’s hard to not be bored in the middle of a corn maze. I think that is what keeps me returning to my internet addiction, even though I try to fill my time with other hobbies.

 

[Little Dragon]

It’s hard to not be bored in the middle of a corn maze. I think that is what keeps me returning to my internet addiction, even though I try to fill my time with other hobbies.

Everything gets monotonous, if you do it enough. I dispel boredom with variety. I try to.

 

[JustGeorge]

What do you mean by temperament in this context?

This is a very 'to yourself' culture. I'm not loud, but I'm a social person. There aren't really opportunities appropriate for me and my circumstances around here to express that.

It’s hard to not be bored in the middle of a corn maze. I think that is what keeps me returning to my internet addiction, even though I try to fill my time with other hobbies.

Yup, you get it. We're in the same maize(ha!), but different parts.

Everything gets monotonous, if you do it enough. I dispel boredom with variety. I try to.

How does one do that when limited by location and finances?

We go to several parks, sometimes even several a day. We have a gym membership. A museum membership. Yet... it does get old.

 

[Secret Chief]

This is a very 'to yourself' culture. I'm not loud, but I'm a social person. There aren't really opportunities appropriate for me and my circumstances around here to express that.

How might this affect your son?

 

[Secret Chief]

We go to several parks, sometimes even several a day. We have a gym membership. A museum membership. Yet... it does get old.

Of course, boredom is in the mind, it is attitude to our environment which determines our assessment of it. I might enjoy something yet you find it boring.

 

[JustGeorge]

How might this affect your son?

That one doesn't affect him as much, that's an aspect of why I'm bored.

I think one of his biggest problems is his own inability to control his behavior. There are a lot of things he can't do because he can't stop himself from misbehaving, or an activity is overstimulating(and fun!) and it sets him off into a fit(and therefor has to be avoided).

Of course, boredom is in the mind, it is attitude to our environment which determines our assessment of it. I might enjoy something yet you find it boring.

I agree. I think him and I both suffer from this mindset.

 

[Secret Chief]

Boredom is born from not being engaged sufficiently in the present, imo. How to get engaged? If one is engrossed, time flies yes? The very idea of boredom is a non-starter. A great way to "engage" is to tap into one's creative desires; something you can do already or maybe something from scratch. Perhaps, for yourself, immerse yourself in your writing. Get writing, as I know you can, and you'll wonder where the time has gone. Make it a regular daily thing, don't wait till you feel inspired. There's more perspiration than inspiration. Get writing. Anything. Just do it.
Same principles apply to us all, including your son.

 

[JustGeorge]

Boredom is born from not being engaged sufficiently in the present, imo. How to get engaged? If one is engrossed, time flies yes? The very idea of boredom is a non-starter. A great way to "engage" is to tap into one's creative desires; something you can do already or maybe something from scratch. Perhaps, for yourself, immerse yourself in your writing. Get writing, as I know you can, and you'll wonder where the time has gone. Make it a regular daily thing, don't wait till you feel inspired. There's more perspiration than inspiration. Get writing. Anything. Just do it.
Same principles apply to us all, including your son.

I think for both of us, we're not always able to do what we'd like to. Its not an excuse, but its a reason.

For him, he'd like to sell the cars, and move. Not because he dislikes the cars or the house, but because he craves the constant and major change(if we did sell the cars and move, he'd just want to do it again in a few months). He'll actually try to put out sale signs on stuff, or move the furniture out.

But we'd all rather be doing something else, living somewhere else, eating something else... Most of us understand limits, but that's a very difficult concept for him. This can be good(he's more likely to find a way), but it can be bad(he'll throw a violent fit when he finds he's not getting that new house).

Being engaged is something I can work on. I wonder how I can help him love the present moment.

(I made myself make this thread. I was inspired to do so yesterday, but didn't have the opportunity. I made myself do it today, even though I was no longer inspired. )