Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

I am basically being tortured to death. I can't sleep because my legs hurt and i'm having a bad allergy attack. Scratching and itching and i'm taking as much pain reliever as I can without overdosing. I've had my A l e G r a Is today and it's not workin. It's impossible not to overeat when my physical issues are this bad.

I just want to get to sleep as soon as I can and wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get back on my food plan. I wanna lose more weight this time.

 

[JustGeorge]

I am basically being tortured to death. I can't sleep because my legs hurt and i'm having a bad allergy attack. Scratching and itching and i'm taking as much pain reliever as I can without overdosing. I've had my A l e G r a Is today and it's not workin. It's impossible not to overeat when my physical issues are this bad.

I just want to get to sleep as soon as I can and wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get back on my food plan. I wanna lose more weight this time.

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly.

 

[Riders]

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly.

Thank you I apprciate it.

 

[Riders]

So I started having a problem with the tramadol. I started taking too much of it and noticed i was having way too much pain to the point of nightmare when I wasn't taking it. I realized my body was trying to withdrawal from it. It was bad for a couple of days. I quit taking it though. I was crazy for 2 days.

I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sit down for very long. I ended up walking for at least 15 minutes those 2 days. I didn't eat either for 2 days.But the past 2 days I pigged out so i messed it up but I'm back on my plan today. Hopefully I can start walking again today and start getting some real walking in this week. I plan on walking some without my walker.

I know this is another addiction prescription drug addiction. But my predominant addiction is overeating. That means consequences from overeating is the worst, it's been the hardest addiction to beat. However, if I feel like I need to go to Narcotics Anonymous I can do it at home on the inteernet.

 

[Riders]

So I saw a new movie today called Sophies Choice which is a true story about a daughter of a drug addict.t.t was good.
Anyways, growing up in my family I did not always feel accepted at our family get togethers especially in my teens. My cousin Star was always a little crazy she had a fabulous off the wall personality.

She was very accepting of me when others were not. I always sat at her table when we ate. When I was 11 years old I ran up to her when we walked in and hugged and kissed her. I did not know the term homosexual then.
M male cousin Jim pulled me away after that and told me she was homosexual, and I shouldn't be doing that. But I always hugged her and I still appreciate her crazy personality. I love ll my family but it's sad that homosexual folks have to be alienated like that.

 

[Riders]

I gained weigh the past 3 weeks. 5-pound weight gain back up to 280 pounds. It's about what I expected. I have been eating too many sweets and drinking too many cokes. I also need to quit eating at Fastfood places. If I can order healthy it is ok. I think Dennys has healthy; most restaurants have healthy choices. I looked at On The Borders menu, the have a grilled shrimp with rice and black beans. Looks yummy it is pretty healthy.

Genghis Grill is healthy. there is a Chinese place that has good low fat chicken teriyaki. I mean I just got to be open to healthier stuff then Fastfood. The day before yesterday I got tat tots with cheese and a large banana shake from sonic, it was yummy. I have to stop bringing sweets in here too.

 

[Riders]

I have a sister who is very liberal but likes to be right about everything . But she doesn't like twelve step programs in part because of her experiences with my mom.

My mom did go to a a meetings like every night of the week for thirty three years until her last year when she had her fall. A physical Fall not Fall from from sobriety.

She did want to take care of other people and other alcoholics. But she was also very attached to socializing. Getting out getting Her hugs. She loved the social and got stuck on the 12 steps and needing to do.more work.

My sister worries about me being OA but I told them today I have gone down from 330 to 280 so I'm ok with my program.

 

[JustGeorge]

I have a sister who is very liberal but likes to be right about everything . But she doesn't like twelve step programs in part because of her experiences with my mom.

My mom did go to a a meetings like every night of the week for thirty three years until her last year when she had her fall. A physical Fall not Fall from from sobriety.

She did want to take care of other people and other alcoholics. But she was also very attached to socializing. Getting out getting Her hugs. She loved the social and got stuck on the 12 steps and needing to do.more work.

My sister worries about me being OA but I told them today I have gone down from 330 to 280 so I'm ok with my program.

Good work! 50 pounds is no small victory!

 

[Riders]

Well I GOT friend,I think he's a guy who likes to obsess on music like me. He likes the 60s like me and likes to ttalk about the Doors. He's only 43 years old. He has no musical ability but his family does and his dad was the DJ. So that's where his knowledge comes from so he's a lot like me. However however he's way too young and probably way out of my league and probably married anyways. It's nice to have there in my rock and roll chat room though to chat with at least I've got a buddy to talk to. It's nice.

 

[Riders]

Well, I have been on my food plan for 3 days 4 days. Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday. I Got a small banana pudding from my sister last night but I had only had a sausage egg cheese biscuit from Jimmy Dean,410 calories plus 2 cokes 340 calories. 750 calories all together which isn't much for a whole day, so the pudding was ok.

Today my Home health aide made me mashed potatoes with Italian sausage in it and cheese and sour cream. It was rich and fattening but she made a owl with too much in it. So, I ate half and put the rest back in the refrigerator. Hooray for me!

 

[Riders]

Here is the rest of my meal for tomorrow.

 

[Riders]

well, I did well today on my diet plan again feed plan. I bought a whole box full of Fritos in individual 1 oz packages. 1 oz Is it serving. A 160 calories 230 calories for one cup of Turkey chili Wolf brand. 80 calories for a slice of cheese so it comes up to be almost 500 calories for the whole meal then if I have cocktail shrimp from Kroger's again on top of that it's 220 calories so that makes it 720 so so if I drink one or two Cokes on top of that and some applesauce that's a pretty good day it's about 1000 calories.

. Bing raised up in AAI know that the spiritual side of overeaters anonymous is most important. However I don't see anything wrong with talking about calories and weight loss and how much I've lost or how much I've gained. They did they think you're too focused in on the physical side of it if you refer to that in meetings So I know not everybody agrees with me but I'm OK with that. I know God has to come first. However I weigh 280 pounds and if I was not obese I would not have come to OA i'm an overeater

. OA is a recovery group for overeating in a part of recovery is getting down to a healthy weight it says that in the OA big book so they can say what they want..

 

[JustGeorge]

. Bing raised up in AAI know that the spiritual side of overeaters anonymous is most important. However I don't see anything wrong with talking about calories and weight loss and how much I've lost or how much I've gained. They did they think you're too focused in on the physical side of it if you refer to that in meetings So I know not everybody agrees with me but I'm OK with that. I know God has to come first. However I weigh 280 pounds and if I was not obese I would not have come to OA i'm an overeater

. OA is a recovery group for overeating in a part of recovery is getting down to a healthy weight it says that in the OA big book so they can say what they want..

I have to say the weight loss talk was one of my turn offs with OA. I wasn't there to lose weight; I wanted to not feel like I got my butt kicked by a box of cereal! There was a lot of calorie/weight loss talk at the one I was in; perhaps you'd have got on better than I!

That being said, I got a lot of strange looks when I referred to 'Gods' instead of 'God'. Those strange looks and the "I'll pretend you didn't say that, and we'll call you Buddhist because its easier for us than saying Pagan" attitudes also contributed to me leaving.

That being said, if you find talking calories and weight loss helpful to your journey, you should be able to do so. Are there any OA groups that go on near you(or over the phone) that may be more focused on that?

 

[Riders]

Oh, I am fine with my meetings, not everyone disagrees with me. Unfortunately, I agree. with you about religion. I was Pagan for a long time. II put up also with the attitudes. I now believe in one God. Fater awhile of Pagan beliefs I felt like multiple Gods were not for me. But Pagans and atheists and everyone have the right to be in 12 Step recovery groups.

I have people who don't like me because despite the fact that I have turned to one God now and then I will use different names for God because even though it's one God I do think sometimes it doesn't matter what name you use for God. I use names that bring me closer to God.

 

[JustGeorge]

Oh, I am fine with my meetings, not everyone disagrees with me. Unfortunately, I agree. with you about religion. I was Pagan for a long time. II put up also with the attitudes. I now believe in one God. Fater awhile of Pagan beliefs I felt like multiple Gods were not for me. But Pagans and atheists and everyone have the right to be in 12 Step recovery groups.

I agree, everyone should be able to access things like 12 Step Programs, regardless of how they believe(or how they don't).

I have people who don't like me because despite the fact that I have turned to one God now and then I will use different names for God because even though it's one God I do think sometimes it doesn't matter what name you use for God. I use names that bring me closer to God.

There's a bit in the Gita where Krishna says he will come in whatever form a person needs. That's always made sense to me. If a person needs One, the Divine will come in One. If a person needs Many, that's how the Divine will come, too. And yes, in whatever name feels best for them... But, that's just my opinion.

 

[Riders]

So I weighed myself yesterday. I am down by 9 pounds. Hooray! I am at 271.I am hoping if I can get down to 250 in the next month or so getting rid of the walker will be easy.
I had 1 coke today and ordered from Dairy Queen. I checked the calories on the internet first. I had a small chocolate malt for 370 calories; 4 piece chicken strip basket for 1000 calories. All together it was about 1400 calories. I know some people in OA don't approve of me just having junk food and counting the calories and eating small amounts But if you think about it you're not just cutting back on food when you do that you take in less fat less carbs and less salt so it's going to be healthier to eat food in small amounts of a healthy caloric range than overeating.

Maybe I can change to eating whole wheat instead of white bread eventually but right now it's not in the cards I can still have sweets too if I want it. But I can't buy it from a grocery store just to get a whole big bag full of candy or package of cookies or something like that it has to be one single thing. Last week I had a pint of chocolate ice cream it had 660 calories in it So if I just have one serving or one piece of dessert I'm OK like today I had a small chocolate malt normally I would have had a large but the small ones OK



.

 

[JustGeorge]

Good work on the 9 pound loss!

 

[Riders]

Ty

 

[Riders]

well well yesterday I was off my food plan and pigged out on sweets. My home health aide bought me a package of peanut butter chocolate oreos.
They were Dreamy. But I feel like most of the package because I knew I was just going to get fatter and fatter. Then today I take them out of the trash but I only had 4. So believe it or not I'm still on my food plan today although I got off it yesterday. So, my weight is down to 271. The last time I got down to 260 was 7 years ago.

That's when I had to have my hernia surgery and I got a bad infection and the wound on my stomach and had to go to rehab and then an old folks home. Because the way they changed my dressing on my wound it was so very painful, and I had to have morphine to cut the pain.

But the morphine and the other antibiotics made me so thick at my stomach that I was able to get my weight down to 250. I take so much morphine the nurses thought I was going to become an addict. But acquit after I came home, they hit me home with a bottle of the liquid morphine. my sisters saw it through the way. ever take the delauded? took it and I hated it. I hallucinated with that. When my nurse came in after the surgery I thought there was a man that came in with her. I asked what he was doing there so they knew i was hallucinating.

It was scary so they took me off a dilaudid and put me on morphine Instead.

 

[Riders]

So, my sister said her Husband's parents are here from Mexico. She said I should as them about the Catholic church. I would like that. As long as they don't try to set me up with anyone.