Your tolerance towards people in depression

[NobodyYouKnow]

WoW your an Australian, sorry I had a peak lol. Yea I don't have anyone really who can understand what it is like to have schizophrenia, and it doesn't really bother me, as long as I understand it, that's the main thing. Yes I do have some experience with bi-polar and anxiety disorder, so I can at least have a little understanding what you are going through, it was great to share our own experience together, I really enjoyed taking to you.

I really enjoyed our little chat as well and likewise, I wouldn't know what it is like to be schizophrenic, but I do know what it is like to suffer with a mental illness.

In light of that, and keeping in premise with the thread topic, No, we cannot just 'snap out of it', but yes, we also realise that using a mental illness like a 'crutch' isn't productive either. It shouldn't hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams.

I fully realise I am never going to get any 'better' unless I stop playing the 'victim of circumstance'. Yes, I am Autistic, so what?

Even though I realise that those with a mental illness should be given no special 'treatment' apart from other people, a little bit of empathy wouldn't hurt and doesn't go astray.

You may have certain expectations of such people in a depressed state and believe you me, we are trying to live up to your expectations of us, but we also need to forge our own path ahead and that will never happen while ever you keep on piling on the workload and piling on all your own mental garbage into our head.

When you see such a person is depressed, give them more time to finish deadlines or just assign their work elsewhere. Don't ask them to do little things you can easily do yourself and pile more s*** on their plate. Don't use this time to start an argument/debate like; 'have you seen how high our energy bill is this quarter?' or 'Why weren't you at that party last week?'. Don't belittle them or their condition, and if they ask for space, just leave them alone!

Not all people like 'company' when they are 'miserable' (and especially if present company is the cause of that misery).

 

[psychoslice]

I really enjoyed our little chat as well and likewise, I wouldn't know what it is like to be schizophrenic, but I do know what it is like to suffer with a mental illness.

In light of that, and keeping in premise with the thread topic, No, we cannot just 'snap out of it', but yes, we also realise that using a mental illness like a 'crutch' isn't productive either. It shouldn't hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams.

I fully realise I am never going to get any 'better' unless I stop playing the 'victim of circumstance'. Yes, I am Autistic, so what?

Even though I realise that those with a mental illness should be given no special 'treatment' apart from other people, a little bit of empathy wouldn't hurt and doesn't go astray.

You may have certain expectations of such people in a depressed state and believe you me, we are trying to live up to your expectations of us, but we also need to forge our own path ahead and that will never happen while ever you keep on piling on the workload and piling on all your own mental garbage into our head.

When you see such a person is depressed, give them more time to finish deadlines or just assign their work elsewhere. Don't ask them to do little things you can easily do yourself and pile more s*** on their plate. Don't use this time to start an argument/debate like; 'have you seen how high our energy bill is this quarter?' or 'Why weren't you at that party last week?'. Don't belittle them or their condition, and if they ask for space, just leave them alone!

Not all people like 'company' when they are 'miserable' (and especially if present company is the cause of that misery).

That was beautifully said, and I really needed to hear that today, I have been sitting here, drinking and feeling suicidal, for the last few hours, you have made me feel so much better, thank you.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

That was beautifully said, and I really needed to hear that today, I have been sitting here, drinking and feeling suicidal, for the last few hours, you have made me feel so much better, thank you.

Oh wow! I am so glad I helped you out there. :sad:

Please don't, and never think of that! never!

What ever happens, there are those of us out there who have seen the truth through our pain and suffering.

In some way, we have to share this and I guess 'Survivor's Circle' is called that for this reason. Please join there, if you already have not.

I'm with you, my brother and you know this...don't diminish our number, there are those out there who need you....who need us.

*hugs*

 

[psychoslice]

Oh wow! I am so glad I helped you out there. :sad:

Please don't, and never think of that! never!

What ever happens, there are those of us out there who have seen the truth through our pain and suffering.

In some way, we have to share this and I guess 'Survivor's Circle' is called that for this reason. Please join there, if you already have not.

I'm with you, my brother and you know this...don't diminish our number, there are those out there who need you....who need us.

*hugs*

Yes you are right, I usually end up in the psycho ward when I feel the way I do, but I have a little puppy now that keeps me from going too far, and you of course, thanks again.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

What keeps me 'sane' is the realisation that there are just some really desperate, bat-faced crazy, insane dudes out there.

All the time, I thought that I was the 'crazy one', but it's amazing the lengths people will go to and what they will actually say and do when their own personal desires are not being fulfilled.

I learned early on, that most times people got angry with me, they were really only angry with themselves, like a child who has their ice-cream removed. It gets amusing to watch this after a while.

Every emotion, counter emotion, response, emotive response etc I have had to learn. Nothing came as instinctive.

Still, when even my basic rights are being abused, it all boils down to usage of the 'f word', being the 'universal language'.

My father phoned me back:

Dad: "Are you feeling any better now?"(as if this was all somehow 'my fault').
Me: "Nope."
Dad: "I just rang to discuss your dire financial situation again."
Me: "Unless you are ringing to say you are going to finally offer to get me out of it, now is not really a good time".
Dad: "No time is ever a good time for you".
(I really hate that response to my 'now is not a good time')
Me: "Yeah you are totally right there, but this time is worse than just a bad time".
Dad: "Bulls***. Let's talk about this, right NOW!"
Me: "look dad, please, I am being nice as pie here, I need my space, please give me my space and just leave me alone!"
Dad (sarcastically and mockingly): "space?...SPACE???...you should have become a bloody astronaut".
Me: "Does 'f*** off' work then?" *hangs up again

See, I am not the crazy one, everybody else is...(and I don't care what they say about that). LOL

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

Oh here's a good phone call (just received):

Mum: "can't you see we are only trying to help you? we are only worried about you is all".

Me: "what a load of rubbish! you guys are only worried about your money, and if you were really as concerned as you say, you would have bailed me out long ago".

Mum: "you know we cannot do that".

Me: "and just how do I know? and more importantly, why should I know? I mean, you give my brother everything, but when I starve, you chuck me a lifesaver - why?"

Mum: *remains silent.

Me: "no, I'll tell you why, it's so you can torture me and gain pleasure by going 'Oooh, you are in a really bad way and you should seriously pay all your bills, even though I know you cannot and I am never going to lift a finger to help, even though I am rolling in it, but yes, you must pay all your bills'...like wtf? you people gain sadistic pleasure from doing this and I don't want any part of it anymore and if I must take out a restraining order, that's what I shall do".

Mum: "you really need psychiatric help...I should call the doctor".

Me: "yes, you do that...but meanwhile...you can eff off too".

No wonder I have problems...

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I do not recognise what you describe as necessarily depression.
Though in teenagers they can become irritable, and react against attempts at help rather aggressively.

My late wife suffered from clinical depression for many years with symptoms of fear and sadness to complete inaction curled up in a corner.
Recovery was a gradual process and took many hours and months of silent companionship, gentle talking and persuasion.
However even when the depression had finally lifted. she still feared its return, though it never did. But she was left with a fear of caves being underground and the like, which are similar to the tunnel like feeling she had experienced during the depression.

There is no point at all in expecting them to snap out of it, or man up and face it. there is no chance at all that they could. All family and friends can to is be there for them. and help and be kind to them when the opportunity arises. Continued reassurance that they will come out of it seems to help, as does talking about their real and imaginary problems.
Solving problems "One at a time" reduces the fear of being overwhelmed by them.

Medication, except for short periods, was the least help.

 

[Alceste]

I avoid aggressive people and seekers of negative attention. Depressed people I just listen if they want to talk it out. Like others, I haven't found much overlap between aggressive people and depressed people. Aggression takes effort and energy. If I did encounter a jerk who happened to be suffering from depression I expect my aversion to douchetards would trump my willingness to help a person in psychological distress.

 

[psychoslice]

The worse jerks are those who don't have depression or mental illness, at least the former have a good reason.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

The worse jerks are those who don't have depression or mental illness, at least the former have a good reason.

Nope, the worst jerks are those who do, but are in total denial of it with a 'only stupid/weak people get depression or mental illness'.

 

[psychoslice]

Nope, the worst jerks are those who do, but are in total denial of it with a 'only stupid/weak people get depression or mental illness'.

Good point, yea them too.

 

[shadowcat]

I suffered from depression a while ago too so I try to treat them normally but show a little bit more empathy then neccessary. Nevertheless I cannot cope well with people that think they are alone with their issues and that no one cares for them etc. I know that this is sometimes a part of a depression but in my opinion people are more than just their illness so everybody should be able to overcome this state at least a little. When I meet people who don't want to do anything to help their situation I just try to avoid them because you can't help them anyway.

 

[psychoslice]

I suffered from depression a while ago too so I try to treat them normally but show a little bit more empathy then neccessary. Nevertheless I cannot cope well with people that think they are alone with their issues and that no one cares for them etc. I know that this is sometimes a part of a depression but in my opinion people are more than just their illness so everybody should be able to overcome this state at least a little. When I meet people who don't want to do anything to help their situation I just try to avoid them because you can't help them anyway.

Of course one should try to get out of the state of depression, but while one is under the depression it is very hard to, I am talking more about clinical depression. I myself have schizophrenia, while I am under psychosis its just about impossible to just snap out of it, try telling someone who is having a heart attack to just snap out of it lol.

 

[Mycroft]

You can put people's tolerance to depression to the test by handling the guns in the sports department at Wal-Mart and then asking where the anti-depressants are.

In all seriousness, though, depression (in my experience) has proven one of the easier human maladies to cure. I find depression is always a loss of self-image, a loss of identity, in some regard. For example if a man has owned a jewellery shop all his life, and he's all about 'the game' (selling jewellery), when he's eventually forced to retire, he may become depressed because he can no longer sell jeweller, he loses his identity. When people live their lives vicariously through their spouse, if that spouse leaves them or dies, they lose that identity and so may become depressed. A loss of self-image can also occur when you're raised with a value system that doesn't reinforce the individual. If someone raised you on the notion that if you do good, good things will happen to you, when something bad inevitably happens, you may become depressed because you lose your self-image. That's one way.

The other is having expectations, or making assumptions, about the world, by projecting. People think the world hurts them, but this is not true. It is really their own expectations and assumptions that they project onto the world that hurts them. H.G. Wells is a classic example of this, a man who was very bitter and depressed in his later years because he expected the world to lean more toward science than religion. When it didn't, he lose his faith in 'humanity' and became quite depressed and bitter. But the world hadn't done anything to him, it was his expectations of the world that had caused his depression.

If your husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend cheats on you, you may get very upset. You may say 'I expected more of him/her, you know?' (i hear this often) which is a mistake. Just because you have expectations of people or things, it doesn't mean that they will reflect those expectations at all. So why bother having any in the first place? What happens in the world happens, and what we think should or should not happen, is not real and is entirely inside our heads.

This is a somewhat disjointed and pidgin explanation, but it's an 'introduction' to the idea.

 

[Mycroft]

Of course one should try to get out of the state of depression, but while one is under the depression it is very hard to, I am talking more about clinical depression. I myself have schizophrenia, while I am under psychosis its just about impossible to just snap out of it, try telling someone who is having a heart attack to just snap out of it lol.

Your schizophrenia could be genetic. You should look into that possibility and then examine the idea of gene therapy to reverse it.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

You can put people's tolerance to depression to the test by handling the guns in the sports department at Wal-Mart and then asking where the anti-depressants are.

In all seriousness, though, depression (in my experience) has proven one of the easier human maladies to cure. I find depression is always a loss of self-image, a loss of identity, in some regard. For example if a man has owned a jewellery shop all his life, and he's all about 'the game' (selling jewellery), when he's eventually forced to retire, he may become depressed because he can no longer sell jeweller, he loses his identity. When people live their lives vicariously through their spouse, if that spouse leaves them or dies, they lose that identity and so may become depressed. A loss of self-image can also occur when you're raised with a value system that doesn't reinforce the individual. If someone raised you on the notion that if you do good, good things will happen to you, when something bad inevitably happens, you may become depressed because you lose your self-image. That's one way.

The other is having expectations, or making assumptions, about the world, by projecting. People think the world hurts them, but this is not true. It is really their own expectations and assumptions that they project onto the world that hurts them. H.G. Wells is a classic example of this, a man who was very bitter and depressed in his later years because he expected the world to lean more toward science than religion. When it didn't, he lose his faith in 'humanity' and became quite depressed and bitter. But the world hadn't done anything to him, it was his expectations of the world that had caused his depression.

If your husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend cheats on you, you may get very upset. You may say 'I expected more of him/her, you know?' (i hear this often) which is a mistake. Just because you have expectations of people or things, it doesn't mean that they will reflect those expectations at all. So why bother having any in the first place? What happens in the world happens, and what we think should or should not happen, is not real and is entirely inside our heads.

This is a somewhat disjointed and pidgin explanation, but it's an 'introduction' to the idea.

This is very true.

I live with an old man who used to be a truck driver until a few years ago...he was a truck driver for like 40 years, until he had a Workcover incident and fell in bad with the Transport Union.

He was dismissed unfairly and took the company to court...three years later it is still not finalised, keeping all the lawyers and insurance companies on their salary. He has spent tens of thousands of dollars on this and he's not allowed to work or seek employment until the case is finalised....he should have copped that punch in the face by a fellow co-worker and just shut up about the whole thing...maybe even thanking him for the physical abuse.

At the same time, the money was no longer coming in, so his wife divorced him and re-married somebody wealthier, he was forced to sell his house and everything he owned except for his car, which he lived in for like 6 months before he found this house we currently co-rent.

He has very bad diabetes, arthritis and he's slowly going blind and the doctors cannot do anything...he has never had a 'break' in life and everybody loves to just criticise and belittle him always.

Thus, I cop the brunt of his bad moods and he's the most bitter, resentful and verbally abusive man I have ever met. I really dislike him immensely, but I can also understand why he is like he is and I try to be polite, helpful and even encouraging (despite being constantly told to go to hell). I can tolerate this only due to his situation.

He told me that if only he could work or was allowed to do something productive, he wouldn't be this way. He told me that he has totally lost his identity and doesn't know how to go about forging a whole new one...especially this late in life when he already has one foot in the grave.

I tolerate it...but my patience wears really thin when he still keeps 'truck driver hours' and this means sleeping immediately after dinner (at 6-7pm), then waking up at 3am, making enough noise to wake the dead.

 

[psychoslice]

Your schizophrenia could be genetic. You should look into that possibility and then examine the idea of gene therapy to reverse it.

I don't know but I feel its far too late to reverse it, gene wise that is ?.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

This is very true.

I live with an old man who used to be a truck driver until a few years ago...he was a truck driver for like 40 years, until he had a Workcover incident and fell in bad with the Transport Union.

He was dismissed unfairly and took the company to court...three years later it is still not finalised, keeping all the lawyers and insurance companies on their salary. He has spent tens of thousands of dollars on this and he's not allowed to work or seek employment until the case is finalised....he should have copped that punch in the face by a fellow co-worker and just shut up about the whole thing...maybe even thanking him for the physical abuse.

At the same time, the money was no longer coming in, so his wife divorced him and re-married somebody wealthier, he was forced to sell his house and everything he owned except for his car, which he lived in for like 6 months before he found this house we currently co-rent.

He has very bad diabetes, arthritis and he's slowly going blind and the doctors cannot do anything...he has never had a 'break' in life and everybody loves to just criticise and belittle him always.

Thus, I cop the brunt of his bad moods and he's the most bitter, resentful and verbally abusive man I have ever met. I really dislike him immensely, but I can also understand why he is like he is and I try to be polite, helpful and even encouraging (despite being constantly told to go to hell). I can tolerate this only due to his situation.

He told me that if only he could work or was allowed to do something productive, he wouldn't be this way. He told me that he has totally lost his identity and doesn't know how to go about forging a whole new one...especially this late in life when he already has one foot in the grave.

I tolerate it...but my patience wears really thin when he still keeps 'truck driver hours' and this means sleeping immediately after dinner (at 6-7pm), then waking up at 3am, making enough noise to wake the dead.

There are times though, like today, when I just pop my head out of my room, see him, go 'hi, how's it going?' only to get 'what do you care? just f*** off'...then I just retreat back into my bedroom for days and avoid him like the plague (what I am doing now).

I realise I cannot live this way and I should find another place to live because it's reaching the stage where I really don't care and it would be nice if he could 'die quicker' somehow...but then I'd be up for paying the full rent anyway.

It is a very poisonous environment for me to live in and I don't know how God wants me to do this and try to manage my living here.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

As I sit alone in my room, and listen to him screaming and telling the whole universe to 'f off' (speaking to absolutely nobody), slamming doors off their hinges, breaking dishes...etc, I cannot help but wonder...

If he has always been like this, then he deserves every bloody thing he got and he continues to get. I have zero sympathy.

He has an attitude and a temper that just says 'c'mon punch my face' and if I was a bloke, I would have king hit him ages ago.

No doubt, others can also see what a cranky old b'tard he is and that is why all these legal proceedings will drag on indefinitely until he changes his tune.

No wonder his wife left him. I am only his flatmate and I am at the point of homicide (which I will only ever do if he actually becomes physically abusive towards me and I have absolutely no qualms about that either...I will kill him if he hits me).

I think Siva is showing me what not to become like, and this is what I will be destined for if I don't snap myself out of this.

So, my flatmate's brother came over an hour ago, saw what he was like and immediately left. Before he left, I got a chance to speak with him, saying that his brother really needs institutionalisation for an indefinite time and if there was any way his family could get him committed?

His brother was like 'look dear, I fully agree with you, he is totally insane and has always been like that, but there's nothing I, nor the family can do...I would strongly suggest you leave there ASAP...suffice to say, I have just told him I want nothing further to do with him and I will visit him no more'.

Yeah, difficult situation, isn't it?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

In all seriousness, though, depression (in my experience) has proven one of the easier human maladies to cure.

Oh, really? How very lucky for you, then. Mind passing on your fabulous methods to "cure" it to the rest of us? Even psychiatrists haven't come up with a "cure" for it. You'll be so rich!

I find depression is always a loss of self-image, a loss of identity, in some regard. For example if a man has owned a jewellery shop all his life, and he's all about 'the game' (selling jewellery), when he's eventually forced to retire, he may become depressed because he can no longer sell jeweller, he loses his identity. When people live their lives vicariously through their spouse, if that spouse leaves them or dies, they lose that identity and so may become depressed. A loss of self-image can also occur when you're raised with a value system that doesn't reinforce the individual. If someone raised you on the notion that if you do good, good things will happen to you, when something bad inevitably happens, you may become depressed because you lose your self-image. That's one way.

The other is having expectations, or making assumptions, about the world, by projecting. People think the world hurts them, but this is not true. It is really their own expectations and assumptions that they project onto the world that hurts them. H.G. Wells is a classic example of this, a man who was very bitter and depressed in his later years because he expected the world to lean more toward science than religion. When it didn't, he lose his faith in 'humanity' and became quite depressed and bitter. But the world hadn't done anything to him, it was his expectations of the world that had caused his depression.

If your husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend cheats on you, you may get very upset. You may say 'I expected more of him/her, you know?' (i hear this often) which is a mistake. Just because you have expectations of people or things, it doesn't mean that they will reflect those expectations at all. So why bother having any in the first place? What happens in the world happens, and what we think should or should not happen, is not real and is entirely inside our heads.

That doesn't speak for everyone's experience with it.