I think this is the first time in my life where I actually control every aspect of my life. I'm not beholden to anyone. I don't need anyone, and they don't need me. No obligations outside of the ones I set for myself.
It's a lonely way to live, but it's a happy way to be. It's getting easier with time, and I have much more perspective than I did even a week ago, but I know that's an illusion; a week is only a week.
I want to share in this with someone; I do miss having that deep companionship. I know that's a trap, though. I'm going to give myself a year before I try to bring someone else that closely into my life again. No sense in me repeating past mistakes, and with time I will have better tools to not only fortify myself, but also to be the best person I can be for whoever I end up with in the future.
Not only that, but I feel that I would do myself a disservice if I were to connect with someone after finally getting a sense of true freedom. To throw that away would be foolish for sure.
As an update, I am now a chairman in the safety committee representing my department, and I did my first day of training for my new position. I'm super excited! Also feeling apprehensive... It's a LOT of responsibility.
I don't think I've ever had a job that was more of a leadership position. It's daunting... But I think it's good for me. People's lives will be in my hands, and I know I am capable to give folks the care they need. I got this.
Nothing much to this post; just pouring my thoughts out into the ether. If anyone has any thoughts to share, you all have been helpful already, whether you know it or not. Thanks!
It's a lonely way to live, but it's a happy way to be. It's getting easier with time, and I have much more perspective than I did even a week ago, but I know that's an illusion; a week is only a week.
I want to share in this with someone; I do miss having that deep companionship. I know that's a trap, though. I'm going to give myself a year before I try to bring someone else that closely into my life again. No sense in me repeating past mistakes, and with time I will have better tools to not only fortify myself, but also to be the best person I can be for whoever I end up with in the future.
Not only that, but I feel that I would do myself a disservice if I were to connect with someone after finally getting a sense of true freedom. To throw that away would be foolish for sure.
As an update, I am now a chairman in the safety committee representing my department, and I did my first day of training for my new position. I'm super excited! Also feeling apprehensive... It's a LOT of responsibility.
I don't think I've ever had a job that was more of a leadership position. It's daunting... But I think it's good for me. People's lives will be in my hands, and I know I am capable to give folks the care they need. I got this.
Nothing much to this post; just pouring my thoughts out into the ether. If anyone has any thoughts to share, you all have been helpful already, whether you know it or not.
Thanks!