Wow tip from the French

[Brickjectivity]

One of the most common questions in American small talk is seen as rude in much of the world

I enjoyed this article, so I thought I would post it here. I always fear the moment someone is going to ask me what I do for a living. Its never easy to explain, and its so rare that I have a job that is interesting to talk about. I had no idea that it was a taboo subject in other countries. I have to say that is pretty awesome. Here in USA we do have a rule about not demanding information about Religion and Politics of people who aren't good friends, but I think we need to add this one. I think we should not ask new acquaintances to explain what they do for a living.

 

[YmirGF]

Why not? How can it possibly be rude? I often use this as an ice-breaker in order to get someone to open up about themselves. I'm not sure that anyone has ever been uncomfortable with the question. They never seemed to recoil in horror or at a loss for words.


Edit: After reading the entire article. Oh, good grief.

 

[HonestJoe]

Reads like a load of rubbish to me. The idea that there is some set of common standards across an entire country, even an entire continent is ridiculous.

I suspect these people don’t like being asked what they do because it’s difficult to put a positive spin on “Write pretentious crap and sell it to idiots”.

 

[Flankerl]

Why not? How can it possibly be rude?

Because different actions are rude in different countries.

Same reason why you never ask how much someone makes in much of Europe.

 

[suncowiam]

Snowflakes! LOL

I had to do that.

 

[YmirGF]

Because different actions are rude in different countries.

Same reason why you never ask how much someone makes in much of Europe.

I'd suggest that asking how much someone makes is likely considered rude virtually anywhere. I would be hesitant asking that of someone I knew well.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I'd suggest that asking how much someone makes is likely considered rude virtually anywhere. I would be hesitant asking that of someone I knew well.

Couldn't asking about what they do for work be a roundabout way of asking what they make?

 

[YmirGF]

Couldn't asking about what they do for work be a roundabout way of asking what they make?

It's never come up in the 45 years that I've been doing this. Should it? Sorry, don't see the connection.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

It's never come up in the 45 years that I've been doing this. Should it? Sorry, don't see the connection.

Well, for example, if you did want to know what someone made but thought asking them directly was rude, you could ask what they do and find the national average.
I don't imagine they'd tell you they're doing it but I've seen some particularly snooty people do this. 'Oh, you're banker? That's quite lucrative.' 'Oh you're a public school teacher?' *moves son or daughter away.*

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I need to work on this myself. I sometimes ask because I think it's relevant to body work in physical therapy & massage, but really all I need to know is whether they have a sitting or standing position, whether they have an ergonomically correct station, or how much stress they're feeling as a result of their work.

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Vanakkam

Not aware of that question being rude at all... Actually it's even a common ice breaker here too ( "tu fais quoi dans la vie sinon?") And often a good way to start or deepen a conversation and get to know the other.

The only thing I did find unsettling (not to the point to be rude, tho) in the USA is that the people you just meet or barely know are acting/talking to you like you are already close friends. And Americans I met there were always super cheerful or smiling even if they don't like you and have to force it (it's not very well seen in France, people often tend to be honest with what they feel or think of you, so... Maybe that's why we look rude to others?)

Anyway tldr; French "etiquette" is really overrated/not that fancy at all and French are not super fancy lazy too polite people in casual conversation, promise !

Aum namah Shivaya

 

[Stevicus]

What about talking about the weather? That seems like a pretty neutral topic that everyone has an opinion about.

 

[YmirGF]

Well, for example, if you did want to know what someone made but thought asking them directly was rude, you could ask what they do and find the national average.

It simply would never occur to me to do that and perhaps that explains my mystification over the idea.

I don't imagine they'd tell you they're doing it but I've seen some particularly snooty people do this. 'Oh, you're banker? That's quite lucrative.' 'Oh you're a public school teacher?' *moves son or daughter away.*

Hehe, I do get your drift, but that's not how I do this. I usually use it as a segue into other questions, usually using their own points as springboards to other things. I guess the other thing is the art of asking open questions. Mastering that helps a lot.

What about talking about the weather? That seems like a pretty neutral topic that everyone has an opinion about.

I usually take that as a sign to pick up and move on as the person has little of serious interest to impart.

 

[ChristineM]

Why not? How can it possibly be rude? I often use this as an ice-breaker in order to get someone to open up about themselves. I'm not sure that anyone has ever been uncomfortable with the question. They never seemed to recoil in horror or at a loss for words.


Edit: After reading the entire article. Oh, good grief.

I've lived in France a couple of years now and decided recently that it would be a good idea to take French lessons, not the language but the culture. Those little things like how many welcome kisses to give friends from different parts of France or 'faire chabrot' (look it up) or going out of your way to help complete strangers (really) or talking politics over dinner, which i believe is taboo in the US.

Asking people what they do for work can be a bit of a conversation stopper, asking who they voted for will earn you a lifelong friend.

I have lived in the UK until moving here, only 22 miles apart at its closest point but 'vive la difference'

 

[sun rise]

I need to work on this myself. I sometimes ask because I think it's relevant to body work in physical therapy & massage, but really all I need to know is whether they have a sitting or standing position, whether they have an ergonomically correct station, or how much stress they're feeling as a result of their work.

That's a specific situation where the answer is relevant to the work. It's a much different situation than just asking someone for the heck of it.

 

[Father Heathen]

Why not? How can it possibly be rude? I often use this as an ice-breaker in order to get someone to open up about themselves. I'm not sure that anyone has ever been uncomfortable with the question. They never seemed to recoil in horror or at a loss for words.


Edit: After reading the entire article. Oh, good grief.

Well, if someone is working a menial job just to get by, they might feel embarrassed as if others will size them up and look down upon them for it. Unfortunately, class comes with a lot of unflattering presumptions and stereotypes.

 

[metis]

I think we should not ask new acquaintances to explain what they do for a living.

I agree, so I don't normally ask unless there's a compelling reason to do so.

 

[Father Heathen]

talking politics over dinner, which i believe is taboo in the US.

Hmm, that might depend. There are many who openly boast about who they voted for or where they stand on an issue in a way that presumes everyone else in the room agrees with them.

 

[Revoltingest]

One of the most common questions in American small talk is seen as rude in much of the world

I enjoyed this article, so I thought I would post it here. I always fear the moment someone is going to ask me what I do for a living. Its never easy to explain, and its so rare that I have a job that is interesting to talk about. I had no idea that it was a taboo subject in other countries. I have to say that is pretty awesome. Here in USA we do have a rule about not demanding information about Religion and Politics of people who aren't good friends, but I think we need to add this one. I think we should not ask new acquaintances to explain what they do for a living.

Work is interesting.
Make it taboo?
What a bunch'o backward cheese eat'n surrender monkeys!

Politics & religion are contentious subjects.
So I less often, but no less eagerly ask about those too.

 

[Father Heathen]

It's never come up in the 45 years that I've been doing this. Should it? Sorry, don't see the connection.

You don't see a connection between a job, and how much that job typically makes?