dave_
Active Member
I can take a lot of punishment.I mean physically and mentally.I experienced sleep deprivation (for a long period of time).I've been threatened lots of times.I experienced lots of physical pain.Now i don't feel much fear or pain (mental / physical).I try to better myself.I eat healthly.I read alot i am very disciplined , determined , energetic.I accepted death and pain.My point is there isn't much that makes me feel helpless.
My father is also like me.But my mother is like in every way opposite of me.She is like a subhuman.No willpower , very little education and intelligence.My father made his worst mistake by marrying it (that thing is not a human).Unlike me my father is a little naive.I spent nearly all of my childhood with it (the women that bore me).She used to take the money my father send me and spend it for it's own entertainment.As a child most of time i was alone in home and i was starving.But her level of bad parenting was beyond things like that.Even the times i was starving at home i was glad it was away.It is as if it was deliberately trying to make me weak in everyway like an unimaginably complicated curse.But despite my bad childhood i managed to recreate myself.
If it was for me i would never see it (the woman that bore me) again.But every year for ten days or so i have to be with my family.And somehow she manages to make me helpless again.I observed it and she is talking all the time.And after some time she gets into my head.I just can't take it out of my mind.I try to meditate etc but she gets inside of my head.I can't sleep , i can't think clearly.But she is not the only one that can do this to me.It is a type of person.I call this type of person "the talking man/woman".This type of person is generally a subhuman meaning they generally lack willpower , intelligence or things like that.They talk all the time and after a while they get inside my head.As i said i can take lots of punishment but i am helpless against this type of person.They slowly get inside my mind and disect it.I am not really a perfectionist.One can say i have a strict superego and these people represent the things i repress into my subconscious.But i accept i am not perfect.I am not even moral.I can hurt people easily , having fun is most important thing for me.I am nearly a sociopath.But i cannot solve this type of people "the talking man/woman".This is like the most complicated genius harmful magic for me.They sense my weakness.Only thing i can do against them is planning coldbloodedly (i am good at this) to ruin their lifes but i cannot do anything because i am afraid of them.Plus they are my only weakness so i want to solve their magic.I don't like to talk.I have zero human relationships.I am good at formal relationships with people in the workplace but when someone begins to talk too much they get inside my head.I can't take them out of my head.I loose myself.If this person is a subhuman then it is worse.
When someone talks too much perhaps they are trying to intimidate me and all i have to do is being ready to take their challenge meaning i have to be ready to kill or get killed.I can do that but perhaps if i can solve why "the talking man" can hurt me so much i can undestand my weakness and get stronger.Because even someone challenges me in other ways i don't get weakened this much.
I read somewhere this is called a transeference psychosis the borders of self got erased and the self weakenes , eventually it dissolves.If i am not mistaken the purpose of LHP is to isolate the self , make the self strong.So this is the opposite of it.I know i am not psychotic because when i don't spend lots of time with "the talking man/woman" i am very stable.
Now i am actively practicing left hand path magic.It is really funny and i feel i have the power to control my life/destiny.I feel the magic but when i am faced with these people i feel like everything is vain i am helpless against their genius.I plan to seek help of a psychiatrist also i consider consulting various spiritual people.
I am hoping that this is a common problem for LHPers.If not feel free to ignore it.
So What do you think about "the talking man/woman" Do you as a LHP feel helpless against them?If yes what can we do against them?
My father is also like me.But my mother is like in every way opposite of me.She is like a subhuman.No willpower , very little education and intelligence.My father made his worst mistake by marrying it (that thing is not a human).Unlike me my father is a little naive.I spent nearly all of my childhood with it (the women that bore me).She used to take the money my father send me and spend it for it's own entertainment.As a child most of time i was alone in home and i was starving.But her level of bad parenting was beyond things like that.Even the times i was starving at home i was glad it was away.It is as if it was deliberately trying to make me weak in everyway like an unimaginably complicated curse.But despite my bad childhood i managed to recreate myself.
If it was for me i would never see it (the woman that bore me) again.But every year for ten days or so i have to be with my family.And somehow she manages to make me helpless again.I observed it and she is talking all the time.And after some time she gets into my head.I just can't take it out of my mind.I try to meditate etc but she gets inside of my head.I can't sleep , i can't think clearly.But she is not the only one that can do this to me.It is a type of person.I call this type of person "the talking man/woman".This type of person is generally a subhuman meaning they generally lack willpower , intelligence or things like that.They talk all the time and after a while they get inside my head.As i said i can take lots of punishment but i am helpless against this type of person.They slowly get inside my mind and disect it.I am not really a perfectionist.One can say i have a strict superego and these people represent the things i repress into my subconscious.But i accept i am not perfect.I am not even moral.I can hurt people easily , having fun is most important thing for me.I am nearly a sociopath.But i cannot solve this type of people "the talking man/woman".This is like the most complicated genius harmful magic for me.They sense my weakness.Only thing i can do against them is planning coldbloodedly (i am good at this) to ruin their lifes but i cannot do anything because i am afraid of them.Plus they are my only weakness so i want to solve their magic.I don't like to talk.I have zero human relationships.I am good at formal relationships with people in the workplace but when someone begins to talk too much they get inside my head.I can't take them out of my head.I loose myself.If this person is a subhuman then it is worse.
When someone talks too much perhaps they are trying to intimidate me and all i have to do is being ready to take their challenge meaning i have to be ready to kill or get killed.I can do that but perhaps if i can solve why "the talking man" can hurt me so much i can undestand my weakness and get stronger.Because even someone challenges me in other ways i don't get weakened this much.
I read somewhere this is called a transeference psychosis the borders of self got erased and the self weakenes , eventually it dissolves.If i am not mistaken the purpose of LHP is to isolate the self , make the self strong.So this is the opposite of it.I know i am not psychotic because when i don't spend lots of time with "the talking man/woman" i am very stable.
Now i am actively practicing left hand path magic.It is really funny and i feel i have the power to control my life/destiny.I feel the magic but when i am faced with these people i feel like everything is vain i am helpless against their genius.I plan to seek help of a psychiatrist also i consider consulting various spiritual people.
I am hoping that this is a common problem for LHPers.If not feel free to ignore it.
So What do you think about "the talking man/woman" Do you as a LHP feel helpless against them?If yes what can we do against them?
