Experiences that I've had. I become a bad person when I don't pray all the time and make God, his Mother, and the spirits my everything. Everything else has failed me and prayer is the only thing that gives me joy and the strength to suffer and carry my cross, so I am a person of faith.
I understand your point of view and it drives me nuts that God is refusing to speak clearly to you. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.
The chapter begins:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. What evidence?
I say it is the awareness or conviction that something is wrong here, something could be better, something should be better.
Once we see this craving for something better in ourselves, we have glimpsed the nature of God in ourselves. We can see how we want something better -- and that is our true nature -- the image and likeness of God. Even when we fall short, we still want to be better just as we long for a world that is better.
Then what should we do? If a better world is possible, and if we truly crave it, we must act on it. (Ha, faith without works is dead.) And we hope that there are "forces" out there who share our longing for a better world -- and hope that God, if He exists, is as good as we wish. If God exists, is it possible, I ask, that I could be better than God? I don't think so. Therefore I hope a Good God exists and hope He is like me in wanting the world to be a better place.
So I say about your post, if these experiences have made you a better person, your faith has some substance. When you acted out of hope, you found out it worked.
16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
People may be expecting too much of the dramatic when they wonder about God. If they are looking for dramatic proof, they may be disappointed. I say search for that which is good -- embrace that -- and you have found God even if you aren't aware of it. Do good -- and sooner or later, you may see how it is the God-Nature in you doing those things. Jesus taught:
Matthew 19:17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
You must learn to trust the good nature in yourself and crave to strengthen it -- the very image and likeness of God which He gave us all. Ha, if you can't spot the image and likeness of God in yourself and in others as well, don't expect to find it by looking for "God out there."
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
If you say, "I would be willing to be good and try to be righteous if I knew there was a God who would reward me for it," you show some progress but haven't quite gotten there yet. You still have a motive, a somewhat selfish motive at that, for being good. No, you must say, "Even if there is no God, I know what I want; I want to be a better person and I want a better world, so I am going to act on that. because it is what I want. -- it is who I am." . Then you are becoming more like God.
Indeed, there are some people who have faith in God and who act on it but never actually think about it or know it consciously. They do their good works, not knowing if God exists mentally, but their hearts know -- their pure hearts -- and they act out of pure love and pure joy. These people will be rewarded on Judgment Day. . . to their surprise!
Matthew 25:34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
