• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Why Is It Standard Practice for Religious Widows and Widowers to Remarry Later?

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
It depends. I think if they spiritually loved each other, she probably won't marry someone else later. If the married couple did not love each other much, then she would marry if she finds the right person.
It is a choice in Bahai Faith
Why would they still be married if they did not love each other? Most people get divorced hen they no longer love the spouse, and Baha'is are no exception. The Baha'i divorce rate is no lower than the national average. I consider this appalling given what the Writings say about divorce.

Do you think what you said would also apply to a man who was widowed?
Why wouldn't a man or woman remarry if he or she spiritually loved the spouse who died?
Do you think that we can spiritually love only one person?

I am disappointed that there isn't anything in the Writings about this, but we all know what is in the Writings, and it is explicitly says that there can be no sex out of wedlock, not even any kind of intimacy such as kissing. So let's say a man or woman lost their spouse they spiritually loved at age 30 or 40. Are they supposed to go the rest of their lives without any kind of intimacy? For most people that would not be possible.
 

InvestigateTruth

Well-Known Member
Why would they still be married if they did not love each other? Most people get divorced hen they no longer love the spouse, and Baha'is are no exception. The Baha'i divorce rate is no lower than the national average. I consider this appalling given what the Writings say about divorce.

Do you think what you said would also apply to a man who was widowed?
Why wouldn't a man or woman remarry if he or she spiritually loved the spouse who died?
Do you think that we can spiritually love only one person?

I am disappointed that there isn't anything in the Writings about this, but we all know what is in the Writings, and it is explicitly says that there can be no sex out of wedlock, not even any kind of intimacy such as kissing. So let's say a man or woman lost their spouse they spiritually loved at age 30 or 40. Are they supposed to go the rest of their lives without any kind of intimacy? For most people that would not be possible.
I am sure it applies to both men and women equally.
At least among Persians there are couples who live together who don't love each other anymore. They are married but emotionally divorced. It is just, for other reasons they still believe not to go through a divorce. I guess as long as they don't fight too much.
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I am sure it applies to both men and women equally.
At least among Persians there are couples who live together who don't love each other anymore. They are married but emotionally divorced. It is just, for other reasons they still believe not to go through a divorce. I guess as long as they don't fight too much.
I think they should stay married unless they have an aversion for each other as that is the Baha'i standard.

Given what the Writings say about divorce (see below), why do so many Baha'is get divorced? Do that many couples really have an aversion for each other? I find that very hard to believe. I think the real reason is because they are selfish. I don't think I would want to marry a Baha'i who was divorced, and I would be very wary to say the least. I would much rather marry a God-fearing widower of another religion.

Many times when we would fight, by late husband would say I should divorce him and marry another man, because he could not do what I wanted him to do. Our disagreements had nothing to do with sex, it all revolved around him getting a better job and helping out at home. I always told him I would never divorce him because I did not want any other man. For the last 20 years of the marriage we had stopped having sex or any physical contact but I still loved him and cared about him. I might have been better off with another man but that never even entered my mind.

What is love? It certainly is not what most people think it is. As a Baha'i I highly respect once said, "Sex is not love and love is not sex, nor is there any necessary relationship between the two. In human beings it is true that sex typically plays a bonding role in a certain type of loving relationship, but it's not necessary to it (however much people think it is)."

1302. Attitude of Present-Day Society Towards Divorce

"The Universal House of Justice has noted with increasing concern that the undisciplined attitude of present-day society towards divorce is reflected in some parts of the Bahá’í World Community. Our Teachings on this subject are clear and in direct contrast to the loose and casual attitude of the 'permissive society' and it is vital that the Bahá’í Community practise these Teachings."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to all National Spiritual Assemblies, January 18, 1980)

1303. There are no Grounds for Divorce in the Faith—Divorce should only be Considered If there is a Strong "Aversion" to One's Partner

"Concerning the definition of the term 'aversion' in relation to Bahá’í divorce law, the Universal House of Justice points out that there are no specific 'grounds' for Bahá’í divorce such as there are in some codes of civil law. Bahá’í law permits divorce but, as both Bahá’u’lláh and ‘Abdu'l-Bahá have made very clear, divorce is abhorred. Thus, from the point of view of the individual believer he should do all he can to refrain from divorce. Bahá’ís should be profoundly aware of the sanctity of marriage and should strive to make their marriages an eternal bond of unity and harmony. This requires effort and sacrifice and wisdom and self-abnegation. A Bahá’í should consider the possibility of divorce only if the situation is intolerable and he or she has a strong aversion to being married to the other partner. This is the standard held up to the individual. It is not a law, but an exhortation. It is a goal to which we should strive."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982)

1305. The Party who is the Cause of Divorce Will Become Victim of Formidable Calamities

"It can be seen, therefore, that 'aversion' is not a specific legal term that needs to be defined. Indeed a number of other terms are used in describing the situation that can lead to divorce in Bahá’í law, such as 'antipathy', 'resentment', 'estrangement', 'impossibility of establishing harmony' and 'irreconcilability'. The texts, however, point out that divorce is strongly condemned, and should be viewed as 'a last resort' when 'rare and urgent circumstances' exist, and that the partner who is the 'cause of divorce' will 'unquestionably' become the 'victim of formidable calamities'."
(Ibid.)

1306. The Friends Must Strictly Refrain from Divorce

"Formerly in Persia divorce was very easily obtained. Among the people of the past Dispensation a trifling matter would cause divorce. However, as the light of the Kingdom shone forth, souls were quickened by the spirit of Bahá’u’lláh, then they totally eschewed divorce. In Persia now divorce doth not take place among the friends, unless a compelling reason existeth which maketh harmony impossible. Under such rare circumstances some cases of divorce take place.

"Now the friends in America must live and conduct themselves in this way. They must strictly refrain from divorce unless something ariseth which compelleth them to separate because of their aversion for each other, in that case with the knowledge of the Spiritual Assembly they may decide to separate. They must then be patient and wait one complete year. If during this year harmony is not re-established between them, then their divorce may be realized. It should not happen that upon the occurrence of a slight friction of displeasure between husband and wife, the husband would think of union with some other woman or, God forbid, the wife also think of another husband. This is contrary to the standard of heavenly value and true chastity. The friends of God must so live and conduct themselves, and evince such excellence of character and conduct, as to make others astonished. The love between husband and wife should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiritual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, great would be the difficulty!

"In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon differences, especially between husband and wife. If one of these two become the cause of divorce, that one will unquestionably fall into great difficulties, will become the victim of formidable calamities and experience deep remorse."
(‘Abdu'l-Bahá: Extracts from the Bahá’í Teachings Discouraging Divorce: a compilation prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice, January 1980)

1307. Divorce is Conditional Upon the Approval and Permission of the Spiritual Assembly

"Regarding divorce, the Guardian stated that it is discouraged, deprecated and against the good pleasure of God. The Assembly must circulate among the friends whatever has been revealed from the Pen of ‘Abdu'l-Bahá in this connection so that all may be fully reminded. Divorce is conditional upon the approval and permission of the Spiritual Assembly. The members of the Assembly must in such matters independently and carefully study and investigate each case. If there should be valid grounds for divorce and it is found that reconciliation is utterly impossible, that antipathy is intense and its removal is not possible, then the Assembly may approve the divorce."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Iran, July 7, 1938—translated from the Persian: Ibid., p. 3)

Lights of Guidance/Divorce - Bahaiworks, a library of works about the Bahá’í Faith
 
Last edited:

Kenny

Face to face with my Father
Premium Member
It just seems like people do what they want most of the time, regardless of what is actually right or wrong.

We would address it scripturally.

Rom 7:But if her husband dies, she is free from that law and does not commit adultery when she remarries.

Genesis 2:18 ESV Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

EDIT:

But you can remain single if you want.
 
Last edited:

loverofhumanity

We are all the leaves of one tree
Premium Member
I do not think it is 'standard practice' for widows and widowers to remarry and not all do.
I meet many widowers on dating sites who have been widowed for many years and are not necessarily looking to get married again. My counselor and my coworker, who are both close to my age and have been married for many years, said they would not remarry if their husbands died.

My mother never remarried and was alone for 40 years after my father died, but my brother looked for another wife after his first wife died and he found a Baha'i woman to marry and they have been married now for over 15 years.

I wondered about the following quote so I was going to post a thread and ask the Baha'is to give me their opinions.

What do you think @Truthseeker , @TransmutingSoul , @loverofhumanity , @InvestigateTruth , @Dawnofhope


“Bahá’í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity….

The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá’í marriage.”
Selections From the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 118

The following quote seems to contradict the quote above. If the following quote is correct that would mean there is not just one person with whom we will spend eternity, so if we had a spiritual bond with more than one spouse we could spend eternity with both spouses.

“There is no teaching in the Bahá’í Faith that "soul mates" exist. What is meant is that marriage should lead to a profound friendship of spirit, which will endure in the next world, where there is no sex, and no giving and taking in marriage; just the way we should establish with our parents, our children, our brothers and sisters and friends a deep spiritual bond which will be everlasting, and not merely physical bonds of human relationship.”
(Shoghi Effendi, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 452)

I think the criteria in all the quotes is that one establish a deep spiritual bond not merely a physical one which I think the definition of soul mates does not really include.
 

Vee

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
This is part of an ongoing conversation that I've been having with @Trailblazer , and this topic was inspired by her.

Pretty standard question. According to almost every religion after you die you remain alive in spirit. It is already a given that you will die someday, so why is it okay to cheat on your spouse after he or she dies?

In my religion we don't believe in the immortality of the soul. When someone dies ,the remaining spouse is free to marry again if they choose to.
 

Thea

account deleted
Jesus said (about a remarried widow and her husbands), “… in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. … (Matthew 22:30)
 
Top