Why do some people suffer so much whereas other people hardly suffer at all?

[Trailblazer]

Last week I started this thread: Why would an All-Loving God create a world that has so much suffering in it?

I admit what precipitated my starting that thread was because I was suffering really badly at the time, but even when I am not suffering I still wonder why I have suffered so much, and why other people suffer much more than others, through no fault of their own. Some religious people, especially those of my religion, say that those who suffer should be grateful because suffering helps us grow stronger, but certain other people have pointed out that is certainly not always what happens because some people become bitter and angry at God or at other people or at life because of their suffering.

This has happened to me, I get angry at God and sometimes at people who are happy all the time, because I am suffering. I realize this is a character defect on my part and I feel really guilty because I know that those people are not to blame just because it was their fate to be happy. The buck stops with God because it is God who determines our fate. Sure, we can make free will choices within certain parameters but there are some things we cannot change, like the parents we had or our genetics, and sometimes our life circumstances cannot be changed.

Meanwhile, some people would not change anything even if they could because everything has gone their way. Do you know people like this? There is no way for me to relate to these people and they are painful to be around, especially when I am in extreme anguish.

So this week at work, a friend said “good morning” in the lunch room and I lost it and told him it was not “good.” Then he said it cannot be that bad if I am here (meaning at work). I then stomped off because I was so angry. How dense can anyone be? If I took every day off work just because I was suffering I would not have any sick leave left! But he does not get it because of his perfect life that is so different from my life. He is never depressed no matter what happens, he is always upbeat and cheerful. Anyhow, I made up with him Friday before we left work, because I cannot stand having bad feelings towards anyone, or having them think I have bad feelings, as I am very sensitive to offending anyone.

Now, back to God…. Because of certain recurring events in my life I get angry at God, but what happened a week ago was over the top and out the door. Who does God think I am anyway? How much more does God think I can endure and still continue living?

Fast forward a few days.... I am a very strong person so I did not miss a day of work this week, I just endured. I am not the kind of person who expects God to do anything; I always try to solve my own problems, so I have been working on that, although I admit I did try to bargain with God once. This is very rare for me. Then after that did not work, I let go and decided to just accept what the outcome would be, what I consider God’s will for me, and something miraculous happened. I know it was more than just me and what I did to try to solve my problem, because things like this just do not happen without divine assistance, and this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. Was God just testing me to see how long I could endure patiently?

So now I am feeling guilty, like I do not even deserve divine assistance after the way I behaved towards God, not trusting God and getting so angry. But it is not as if I can hurt God by being angry, I only hurt myself, but because we have free will, God allows that. I am sure God knows I will get over it, as I always do, till next time the same thing happens. Eventually this will end though, when I die physically. Some people might say that I could end it now, by changing my life situation, but they do not really understand why I can’t.

Sorry for not being more specific, but I cannot get any more specific than this right now; it would be too painful to talk about it, and it might make other people sad. I cannot have that.

 

[rational experiences]

Males in science as a human tell a story about how natural life was perfectly equal in its first original lived form.

Then males chose destruction and named it the con of self, to fool self to lie to self and named it con science.

To be enabled to apply thinking research to destruction, without being involved in that destruction.

Science therefore said I am safe, for consciousness is innocent...and it was safe so it was not lying to self.

For looking at a VISION, life was safe.

Yet in the VISION that science researched in thinking for a design to claim the state of human invented sciences, the VISION had Earth flooded right up to the tips of the mountains ^ above the water life with o UFO metallic mass.

A male said, when electricity existed, once, as a memory.

Therefore today life says we have returned to the original science scene of the crime......A meric A.....A crime A. Where archaeological evidence says, once the Earth body was a different continental mass.

When he did his science he never gained his answer. Which the VISION said....no Nature living, no existence. And when a scientist says to self I expect my answer in science to equals my vision, he was proven wrong.

So life was irradiated.

O as life was living on a whole planet O, some in day light and some in night time....the irradiation effect varied. So our natural life/DNA was given a variation in its attack. How our humanity inherited a changed variation in its DNA.

And science owns its own unnatural male chosen unnatural practices to advise self.....I caused all human and Nature suffering for I removed it from its origins....as the truthful fact of the story.

 

[osgart]

What about the possibility of being happy?

Is there a learning curve to become happy?

Or is it a disposition where you just decide to be happy?

I don't know

Suffering is a lesson in how not to suffer I think. If the reasons are discovered.

Some people have a long list of things as to why they are not happy.

Some people have shorter lists.

I know suffering can happen for no good reason at all as well.

I was thinking in my own suffering, do I suffer from high expectations, or expectations unfulfilled. Should I have no expectations.

I have a few disabilities and I suffer those things for no good reason.

One thing I don't mind suffering for is those I care about.

For me I have to ground myself in reality, but look at the possibilities within reality.

Also I'm trying to live in the now and on things I can do, instead of things I cannot.

I agree that some people are born into higher advantages than others. Others have to work twice as hard or more.

I have met people who have a lot, but are never happy, never satisfied. And they make things worse for other people.

I have met people who demand perfection from people but have unreal expectations whereas they hurt the situation and not do what is necessary to help.

They say too much negativity is a drain on people. Focus on the positives and deal with the necessities is better I think.

There are encouragers and disparagers.

I think most people want to do what they can do instead of focus on what they can't do.

Suffering comes from either bad choices from someone, or circumstances beyond control.

 

[sciatica]

trailblazer
you sound like a real worry wart, anxiety addict and neurotic.
those arent necessarily bad traits. i hope not because they describe me as well. we have a little in common anyway.
Im not diminishing your agony btw. Guess what? ..... i suffer bad sciatica. I too pride myself on attending work despite the pain. I too envy pain free people.
Maybe you get some solace by writing on forums like this. so do I.
take care and God Bless

 

[Trailblazer]

What about the possibility of being happy?
Is there a learning curve to become happy?
Or is it a disposition where you just decide to be happy?
I don't know

I think we can do certain things to better our chances of being happy but I do not think we choose our emotions.

Suffering is a lesson in how not to suffer I think. If the reasons are discovered.

I agree, there are lessons to be learned.

Some people have a long list of things as to why they are not happy.
Some people have shorter lists.

I do not have a long list, I have a short list.
And it is not as if I am always unhappy, just that some things make me unhappy at times.
Grief from loss of a beloved animal will cause extreme unhappiness, but when the stock market crashed I barely batted an eyelash, and considering how much money I have in it most people would have been devastated. I cannot even recall worrying about it.

I know suffering can happen for no good reason at all as well.

What would not be a good reason for me might be a good reason for somebody else and vice versa. I cannot understand some things people suffer over, nor do they understand why I suffer over certain things.

I was thinking in my own suffering, do I suffer from high expectations, or expectations unfulfilled. Should I have no expectations.

I think it helps a lot to reduce suffering if we have fewer expectations. I do not have many things that are important to me, mostly my animals and my husband.

One thing I don't mind suffering for is those I care about.

I completely understand that. I do not mind suffering for those I care about.

For me I have to ground myself in reality, but look at the possibilities within reality.

Also I'm trying to live in the now and on things I can do, instead of things I cannot.[/quote]
That is what I also try to do.

I agree that some people are born into higher advantages than others. Others have to work twice as hard or more.

That is for certain.

I have met people who have a lot, but are never happy, never satisfied. And they make things worse for other people.

I have a lot of material wealth and my health, but there is more to life. Nonetheless, I am appreciative of these things. I always keep to myself if I am unhappy; I never bother others, only my husband and paid professionals.

There are encouragers and disparagers.

I always try to encourage people, but I cannot do that when I am discouraged myself.

Suffering comes from either bad choices from someone, or circumstances beyond control.

I agree, that is where it comes from, and it only makes it worse when other people assume someone else could make a better choice, as if they could know that. Some things are just beyond our control and the best we can do is cope and try to get through it and hopefully learn from our experiences.

As always, it is a pleasure talking with you osgart.

 

[osgart]

Hey Thanks Trailblazer!, Same to you!

I was not referring to anyone personally, just putting things out there for consideration.

I agree that just because bad choices are made doesn't mean that they can't learn better in the future.

 

[Trailblazer]

trailblazer
you sound like a real worry wart, anxiety addict and neurotic.
those arent necessarily bad traits. i hope not because they describe me as well. we have a little in common anyway.
Im not diminishing your agony btw. Guess what? ..... i suffer bad sciatica. I too pride myself on attending work despite the pain. I too envy pain free people.
Maybe you get some solace by writing on forums like this. so do I.
take care and God Bless

I do worry about certain things I consider important, like my cats and my husband, but I do not worry about other things I do not consider important, like gaining a few pounds. I cannot help it but I think people who worry about such things do not have a clue what really matters in life. If something really bad happened to them, what would they do?

I am sorry you have physical pain. My husband has severe asthma and today he could not get out of bed till 3 pm, and said he was depressed about his asthma. It is hard for me to understand because I never had any breathing problems. There is a lady at work who had a bad car accident about 15 years ago when she was only about 20 and she has been in pain off and on ever since. I cannot understand how it feels because I have never had any significant physical pain, but she cannot understand what it is like to have the emotional pain I have endured. The best we can do is try to have empathy and compassion for anyone who is suffering and never judge them by our standards.

Yes, these forums are my lifeline, because I do not like being a bother to people in person, but I can share here and people can choose to listen or not.
God bless.

 

[Ayjaydee]

Last week I started this thread: Why would an All-Loving God create a world that has so much suffering in it?

I admit what precipitated my starting that thread was because I was suffering really badly at the time, but even when I am not suffering I still wonder why I have suffered so much, and why other people suffer much more than others, through no fault of their own. Some religious people, especially those of my religion, say that those who suffer should be grateful because suffering helps us grow stronger, but certain other people have pointed out that is certainly not always what happens because some people become bitter and angry at God or at other people or at life because of their suffering.

This has happened to me, I get angry at God and sometimes at people who are happy all the time, because I am suffering. I realize this is a character defect on my part and I feel really guilty because I know that those people are not to blame just because it was their fate to be happy. The buck stops with God because it is God who determines our fate. Sure, we can make free will choices within certain parameters but there are some things we cannot change, like the parents we had or our genetics, and sometimes our life circumstances cannot be changed.

Meanwhile, some people would not change anything even if they could because everything has gone their way. Do you know people like this? There is no way for me to relate to these people and they are painful to be around, especially when I am in extreme anguish.

So this week at work, a friend said “good morning” in the lunch room and I lost it and told him it was not “good.” Then he said it cannot be that bad if I am here (meaning at work). I then stomped off because I was so angry. How dense can anyone be? If I took every day off work just because I was suffering I would not have any sick leave left! But he does not get it because of his perfect life that is so different from my life. He is never depressed no matter what happens, he is always upbeat and cheerful. Anyhow, I made up with him Friday before we left work, because I cannot stand having bad feelings towards anyone, or having them think I have bad feelings, as I am very sensitive to offending anyone.

Now, back to God…. Because of certain recurring events in my life I get angry at God, but what happened a week ago was over the top and out the door. Who does God think I am anyway? How much more does God think I can endure and still continue living?

Fast forward a few days.... I am a very strong person so I did not miss a day of work this week, I just endured. I am not the kind of person who expects God to do anything; I always try to solve my own problems, so I have been working on that, although I admit I did try to bargain with God once. This is very rare for me. Then after that did not work, I let go and decided to just accept what the outcome would be, what I consider God’s will for me, and something miraculous happened. I know it was more than just me and what I did to try to solve my problem, because things like this just do not happen without divine assistance, and this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. Was God just testing me to see how long I could endure patiently?

So now I am feeling guilty, like I do not even deserve divine assistance after the way I behaved towards God, not trusting God and getting so angry. But it is not as if I can hurt God by being angry, I only hurt myself, but because we have free will, God allows that. I am sure God knows I will get over it, as I always do, till next time the same thing happens. Eventually this will end though, when I die physically. Some people might say that I could end it now, by changing my life situation, but they do not really understand why I can’t.

Sorry for not being more specific, but I cannot get any more specific than this right now; it would be too painful to talk about it, and it might make other people sad. I cannot have that.

but you're not getting over it it keeps repeating. Get professional help

 

[Trailblazer]

but you're not getting over it it keeps repeating. Get professional help

Apparently you are assuming that I have never received any professional help and that professional help is a panacea.
Over 20 years in counseling, on drugs and in support groups cured me of that kind of thinking. Not everything can be cured.

 

[sciatica]

Apparently you are assuming that I have never received any professional help and that professional help is a panacea.
Over 20 years in counseling, on drugs and in support groups cured me of that kind of thinking. Not everything can be cured.
View attachment 36717

i wouldnt take him too seriously trailblazer

 

[Ayjaydee]

Apparently you are assuming that I have never received any professional help and that professional help is a panacea.
Over 20 years in counseling, on drugs and in support groups cured me of that kind of thinking. Not everything can be cured.
View attachment 36717

Didnt say it could. If your problems cant be cured, my sympathies. As to your original question, some suffer more than others by choice and others by chance.

 

[Trailblazer]

As to your original question, some suffer more than others by choice and others by chance.

I do not think many people choose to suffer. If they suffer it is either because they do not get the help they need or because there is no help for the condition they have.

 

[Ayjaydee]

I do not think many people choose to suffer. If they suffer it is either because they do not get the help they need or because there is no help for the condition they have.

And I disagree

 

[sciatica]

But your question is good. One of my siblings is profoundly deaf. he was born 2 years earlier than me. I was fortunate not to be the disabled one. And my main hobby is music. an important part of my quality of life.
He suffered the isolation of a boarding school from age 5 to 15. whereas i could live at home.
In the scheme of things my sciatica pain is very small suffering.

 

[Trailblazer]

And I disagree

How do you know people choose to suffer?
Is this a Buddhist belief?
Such beliefs cause suffering by adding guilt onto those who suffer.

 

[Trailblazer]

But your question is good. One of my siblings is profoundly deaf. he was born 2 years earlier than me. I was fortunate not to be the disabled one. And my main hobby is music. an important part of my quality of life.
He suffered the isolation of a boarding school from age 5 to 15. whereas i could live at home.
In the scheme of things my sciatica pain is very small suffering.

Everything in this life is relative, but it is my strong belief that only God really knows the degree of our suffering.

 

[sciatica]

How do you know people choose to suffer?
Is this a Buddhist belief?
Such beliefs cause suffering by adding guilt onto those who suffer.
View attachment 36720

Buddhists believe suffering is self inflicted. Its all in the mind. If you are meditating hard enough, you can trascend pain so dont need general anaesthetic.

 

[Ayjaydee]

How do you know people choose to suffer?
Is this a Buddhist belief?
Such beliefs cause suffering by adding guilt onto those who suffer.
View attachment 36720

Because I've seen people who choose to suffer

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Last week I started this thread: Why would an All-Loving God create a world that has so much suffering in it?

I admit what precipitated my starting that thread was because I was suffering really badly at the time, but even when I am not suffering I still wonder why I have suffered so much, and why other people suffer much more than others, through no fault of their own. Some religious people, especially those of my religion, say that those who suffer should be grateful because suffering helps us grow stronger, but certain other people have pointed out that is certainly not always what happens because some people become bitter and angry at God or at other people or at life because of their suffering.

This has happened to me, I get angry at God and sometimes at people who are happy all the time, because I am suffering. I realize this is a character defect on my part and I feel really guilty because I know that those people are not to blame just because it was their fate to be happy. The buck stops with God because it is God who determines our fate. Sure, we can make free will choices within certain parameters but there are some things we cannot change, like the parents we had or our genetics, and sometimes our life circumstances cannot be changed.

Meanwhile, some people would not change anything even if they could because everything has gone their way. Do you know people like this? There is no way for me to relate to these people and they are painful to be around, especially when I am in extreme anguish.

So this week at work, a friend said “good morning” in the lunch room and I lost it and told him it was not “good.” Then he said it cannot be that bad if I am here (meaning at work). I then stomped off because I was so angry. How dense can anyone be? If I took every day off work just because I was suffering I would not have any sick leave left! But he does not get it because of his perfect life that is so different from my life. He is never depressed no matter what happens, he is always upbeat and cheerful. Anyhow, I made up with him Friday before we left work, because I cannot stand having bad feelings towards anyone, or having them think I have bad feelings, as I am very sensitive to offending anyone.

Now, back to God…. Because of certain recurring events in my life I get angry at God, but what happened a week ago was over the top and out the door. Who does God think I am anyway? How much more does God think I can endure and still continue living?

Fast forward a few days.... I am a very strong person so I did not miss a day of work this week, I just endured. I am not the kind of person who expects God to do anything; I always try to solve my own problems, so I have been working on that, although I admit I did try to bargain with God once. This is very rare for me. Then after that did not work, I let go and decided to just accept what the outcome would be, what I consider God’s will for me, and something miraculous happened. I know it was more than just me and what I did to try to solve my problem, because things like this just do not happen without divine assistance, and this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. Was God just testing me to see how long I could endure patiently?

So now I am feeling guilty, like I do not even deserve divine assistance after the way I behaved towards God, not trusting God and getting so angry. But it is not as if I can hurt God by being angry, I only hurt myself, but because we have free will, God allows that. I am sure God knows I will get over it, as I always do, till next time the same thing happens. Eventually this will end though, when I die physically. Some people might say that I could end it now, by changing my life situation, but they do not really understand why I can’t.

Sorry for not being more specific, but I cannot get any more specific than this right now; it would be too painful to talk about it, and it might make other people sad. I cannot have that.

I read this in full. I don't know if this may help you since everyone's different. When I'm upset like this and genuinely can't talk or move etc I'd push myself to go outside and just walk. I'd either cut my phone off or just leave it at home and walk for miles without electronics. Just my thoughts and I. It sounds counterproductive but after doing it for a year and trying to get back, it does help with the head.

I personally don't have the god thing, but if you do decide to walk or something similar, that's probably a better (for lack of better words) way to connect with god. Some people lay full face on the ground and cry out to god in similar situations you've described without the details. Maybe try other prayer techniques.

That, and I also notice when I pray and ask for things, I don't "see" stuff happen. However, when I don't pray intentionally and something comes up, I stop and say thank you or that's interesting, and keep going. Maybe tend to your emotions and mental and physical health while being aware of things at the same time as not "pressuring god."

Another thing about god pattern I notice is when people pray for things they want, they say they don't get it until god acts first. In other words, they realize that their prayers aren't doing it but god is doing it through their prayers. So, patience is probably good. Meditation is good too.

As for your co-worker being happy all the time, yeah. I can see that being a bit bothersome. Maybe write down the things that make you happy like that: god, bahauallah's scriptures, and so forth. What did your prophet say about all of this? Did he go through similar things? Christ had his 'bouts about things. That, or on the other hand, The Buddha didn't get upset but was more reflective. Bahai is a multireligious faith, maybe find things that help you there.

There are many ways that god can help you beyond the traditional "it needs to be mystical" way. Some things are in the mundane. Give yourself a pat on the back or something similar. I believe not everyone has enough energy to be happy like your co-worker. Maybe we have to find our own "dance."

Anyway. There's my fifty cents.

 

[sciatica]

Everything in this life is relative, but it is my strong belief that only God really knows the degree of our suffering.

thats why we need God as our eternal friend. he alone understands us.