Why do so many Westerners mistakenly believe either that the Tao is a god or that the Tao did not exist before the gods?
I've studied Taoism in great detail. I don't think I could tell you what Tao is if you asked me, although I experience Tao all the time. I've worked on committees that have translated the Tao te Ching. Let me offer you this, using the Feng and English version as an inspiration:
Something mysteriously formed,
Born before heaven and earth.
In the silence and the void,
Standing alone and unchanging,
Ever present and in motion.
Perhaps it is the mother of ten thousand things.
I do not know its name.
Call it Tao.
For lack of a better word, I call it God.
I have found that many of those that have your difficulty understanding our connection of Tao with God usually have a concept of God that is too defined.